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confession: i'm a freaking idiot


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So, I stopped taking my meds.  I've been off them for a couple months now and for a while everything seemed like it was going to be ok.  I didn't need medication. I could cope on my own.

I'm an idiot.

Because right now I am a walking panic attack.

I know I need to get back on medication, and get back into therapy. But that means I have to leave my house. And its going to take time. And it feels a lot worse than it did the last time around.

I feel like I'm failing at everything.

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Hey haven't seen you in a while.

Sorry you feel so spun up right now.

I tried going without my meds (I told my Pdoc) but only made it three months.

My Pdoc took a different view: Well, you are improving because you made it for so long without the meds.  Earlier you needed even more meds just to make it through one day.

Actually a rather encouraging view point, and probably not incorrect.

Don't beat yourself up over this.  You know how it feels to be off the meds, feeling good and feeling bad.  When you start again you will be a better judge of what the meds are doing for you.

Don't stay home in panicked misery.  Call a friend and get to the doc.

A.M.

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Thanks for the reply AirMarshall.

My husband is taking me to see the gp on Thursday, hopefully I'll be able to get my meds back on track faster that way.

Now I need to find a new pdoc, since one of the reasons I gave up was my last one wasn't very helpful.

I needed to take a break from the boards with all the recent happenings (both here and in my own life). Now that things have settled down, I'll be around a lot more. I've really missed the support.

Thanks again,

Kristin

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Now I need to find a new pdoc, since one of the reasons I gave up was my last one wasn't very helpful.

I needed to take a break from the boards with all the recent happenings (both here and in my own life). Now that things have settled down, I'll be around a lot more. I've really missed the support.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i'm sorry that your pdoc wasnt helping you all that much.  i've had a few docs like that and, well, to put it nicely, it just sucks when that happens.  I'm glad that you are looking for a new pdoc, though, and making a visit to the gp in the meantime.  you definately deserve better than having to walk around in a constant state of panic.  I know how that can be. 

i'm sorry about all of the circumstances that made you feel the need to seperate yourself from here for a while, but i am glad that you are back.  you can be sure that we will be here for ya.

welcome back and be well

~Ophelia

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So, I stopped taking my meds.  I've been off them for a couple months now and for a while everything seemed like it was going to be ok.  I didn't need medication. I could cope on my own.

I'm an idiot.

you're not an idiot. 

i've gone off meds several times.  lots of people have.

it's so so common to go off meds at one or more points in your treatment, don't beat yourself up about it.  it's ok.

Because right now I am a walking panic attack.

I know I need to get back on medication, and get back into therapy. But that means I have to leave my house. And its going to take time. And it feels a lot worse than it did the last time around.

I feel like I'm failing at everything.

can you get a good reccomendation for a pdoc? 

can you find someone to take you to your first session?

going back is scary, leaving the house is SUPER FUCKING scary, but just keep reminding yourself that the sooner you see a pdoc, the sooner you will get back on meds, and the sooner you will stop feeling like this.

recognizing that you need to get back into a treatment is a huge thing.  you're not a failure, you're self aware enough to know when you need help. try to be proud of the fact that you are able to know when you need help.  a lot of people can't do that.

take care,

penny

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  • 1 month later...

Two more hours people. I've been panicing since I got up this morning. Not to mention I've been lurking here all day, and I haven't had to do that in a long time. 

Yay for medication. My husband even retrofitted my storm trooper pez dispenser so I'll have a cool place to keep my meds. Plus I can never open the damn child proof bottles.

All I have to do is make it two more freaking hours.

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