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I don't know if I can do it anymore

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I'm in the middle of some sort of episode. I cannot get in to see a doctor until next month. What started as hypo mania has transformed in to a cluster fuck of anger and suicidality. I'm being assessed for autism spectrum disorder as well as bipolar and I just can't go on anymore. I'm sick of hurting those around me. I don't deserve anything or anyone.

they said to go to a and e if I am struggling but the last time I went there I was hallucinating and manic and was turned away.

I don't know what to do anymore, I cannot see a way out

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I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad. It seems like you are in the middle of a nasty episode. The thing about episodes is that they are episodic, i.e. you won't feel so horrible forever even though it feels like it now. And suicide is a permanent fix for temporary pain. I hope that you are able to get in to see a doctor sooner rather than later. You mentioned that you can't see a doctor until next month, but did you make the appointment so that you know for sure that you will see the doctor next month? That is perhaps the most positive step you can take. I'm also wondering if you call your doctor and tell them that it's urgent whether they can fit you in the schedule earlier.

Welcome to CB!

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Hey jt07

they have me booked in they said I will just have to wait.

i am on olanzapine 15mg already but it just doesn't seem to be curbing things. I feel like a fraud and am not sure whether I am experiencing psychosis or not. 

Thank u for replying u are kind.

i will maybe go to a and e tomorrow, I have heard lithium can make the delusions and tactile hallucinations go away (that bit is awful and makes me feel like my body is not my own

i hope I can help others if I get better

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Going to A&E sounds tomorrow sounds like a positive plan. I hope they can help you. Lithium helps a lot of people so if they can start you on that, it would be great. It just sounds like olanzapine is not the med for you, but there are many, many, many meds out there that might work and lithium is one.

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Hey. The care coordinator rang me and has told me that another label is not going to help at the moment and that I will have to wait to see him. She was helpful in part and I managed to rest last night.

it seems I am not going to be validated for this pretty nasty experience. 

I told her that I knew what bipolar is because I have experienced both ends of the spectrum and even mixed episodes but she said this may be a borderline thing

still feeling depressed, I am in the middle of a relationship breakdown.

i will have to weather it all and I guess write down my thoughts and feelings because I know I cannot continue without some sort of help with these nasty moods.

thank u for your support it really is helping.

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