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Hi there,

I have had the diagnosis of Schizophrenia from a young age so it isn't anything unusual - in fact it is more controlled now :) However lately this little voice has creeped back into my head literally trying to destroy my life. When I'm with my girlfriend it says things like "You know she doesn't like you," "You're only temporary until she finds someone better," etc. Also it says things about my family like "They don't want you here," "they're trying to kill you," "Don't drink that - they poisoned it."

However after getting emotional with my girlfriend due to my voice yesterday it said something like "Once I destroy whats close to you - it makes it easier to destroy you." then it shouted "kill yourself!" in a mumbled barking voice.

I'm not sure what to do I haven't attempted suicide since 15 November 2014 - that was my last ever attempt. Never again. I want to reach out and talk to someone but they'll automatically think I'm suicidal due to the things it says and I don't want people to be checking up on me all the time. I want the voice to stop. Last time I reported a voice like this to my therapist she wanted to take me in as an inpatient but my parents fought my case, I don't want to waste my life on my mental health all the time - I want to be normal.

 

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I want to reach out and talk to someone but they'll automatically think I'm suicidal due to the things it says and I don't want people to be checking up on me all the time.

I understand how you feel, I've had a voice that told me "Do it" a few times when scissors or knives have been in my field of vision or on my mind for whatever reason. The CMHT knew at the time I was having suicidal ideation along with this particular voice. They never once brought up about going inpatient though maybe because I have family around me all the time, maybe that's the difference here, that and never having tried to commit suicide before.

Do yourself a favour though and reach out to your therapist, as long as you're not going to attempt to take your own life, you're actively resisting the voice and you've told the CMHT that much then you shouldn't ever be forced to go inpatient. Don't bottle this stuff up, talk to someone about it, and also give yourself a pat on the back for being so strong, you deserve that much!

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I can empathize with you.  It is very frustrating.  Similar things I've heard also ... except they were said directly to me, cutting me down, telling me things were drugged with PCP and crack, that I was a loser, to kill myself and how, etc.

What helped me was a med adjustment.  The voices still happen, but not as often as they did.  And they are much lighter (I don't hear them yelling at me anymore).

Are you on any meds?

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sorry to hear about your condition dear canyoufixthebroken, actually the voices came exactly to have you feel desperate and to embitter you, to steal your intimacy, your happiness. Do not get discouraged though. You have to fight back by adopting a mentally positive attitude. It might sound devastating, yes but the best way to fight them off is to accept them by moving ahead with your life as if they had not been there in the first place. Keep pursuing your life goals and do not let them get you off your due course, Refrain from ever giving them any attention and instead focus on building your happiness daily by proactively following through your projects. You can do it. you can be that brave

Edited by weblife
error in the message

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yes but the best way to fight them off is to accept them by moving ahead with your life as if they had not been there in the first place. Keep pursuing your life goals and do not let them get you off your due course, Refrain from ever giving them any attention and instead focus on building your happiness daily by proactively following through your projects. You can do it. you can be that brave

You can't just "move ahead" as if the voice/s hadn't been there.  It is hard to not give the voices attention when that is all you hear.  It isn't that easy.  Maybe some people can, but IMO that isn't the majority.

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You need meds plain and simple you need a psychiatrist not a therapist darlin.  Please get help.  I'm just glad you're feeling strong--but go see someone ASAP-ok?  Lot's of hugs!

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You need meds plain and simple you need a psychiatrist not a therapist darlin.  Please get help.  I'm just glad you're feeling strong--but go see someone ASAP-ok?  Lot's of hugs!

I had been on and off anti-psychotics since I was a kid but stopped taking them all together when I was 14 (with doctors permission since I was showing improvement)  and that is because I was overdosing on them and I wanted to prove to myself I could do this without medication. On top of that, I also have an eating disorder (Fluctuating between Bulimia/anorexia) and I always get paranoid that some meds can cause weight gain as a side effect. I'm stupid - I know, but whenever I get hold of meds I overdose anyway causing more problems than what I started with. Medication is a last resort for me :) I am seeing a psychiatrist now though since my symptoms have gotten worse - and he's helping a lot. Contradicting what I said earlier about the meds, I am getting put back on Melatonin to help with my reoccurring insomnia in the next few months so that should help. Maybe these voices started once I started lacking sleep? - that's what my psychiatrist said anyway ^_^ Thank you for the advice! :) out of interest what medication would you recommend? and I could talk about it again with my psychiatrist if you (or anyone) could think of a better option?

I want to reach out and talk to someone but they'll automatically think I'm suicidal due to the things it says and I don't want people to be checking up on me all the time.

I understand how you feel, I've had a voice that told me "Do it" a few times when scissors or knives have been in my field of vision or on my mind for whatever reason. The CMHT knew at the time I was having suicidal ideation along with this particular voice. They never once brought up about going inpatient though maybe because I have family around me all the time, maybe that's the difference here, that and never having tried to commit suicide before.

Do yourself a favour though and reach out to your therapist, as long as you're not going to attempt to take your own life, you're actively resisting the voice and you've told the CMHT that much then you shouldn't ever be forced to go inpatient. Don't bottle this stuff up, talk to someone about it, and also give yourself a pat on the back for being so strong, you deserve that much!

Thank you, I have started opening up about it to my CMHT and I reassured them that I will not act on these thoughts. However they are still a little concerned (since I'm under the age of 18) and they had to tell my parents who need to check up on me often and report any unusual behavior. Part of me thinks that going in as an inpatient may be worth a try since I have been suggested it many times since I was 12 to now which is 4 years and I still haven't gave it a chance. I guess I'm just scared. My mum works in the mental health industry so fights my case whenever I have nearly been forced to go by the hospital after an attempt. I don't know. My girlfriend went in as an inpatient and she tells me a lot about it and it seems to be a big part of her life but it kinda scared me off the idea because it doesn't always seem positive. I feel like if I do go then I will ruin my shot at A-Levels which start in September, I will lose my relationship and my friends. I have a lot to lose.

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I can empathize with you.  It is very frustrating.  Similar things I've heard also ... except they were said directly to me, cutting me down, telling me things were drugged with PCP and crack, that I was a loser, to kill myself and how, etc.

What helped me was a med adjustment.  The voices still happen, but not as often as they did.  And they are much lighter (I don't hear them yelling at me anymore).

Are you on any meds?

That sounds awful, I'm sorry that happened to you! :( I understand and I'm here if you ever want to talk, since we share a similar symptom. And I'm not on any meds at the moment apart from Propranolol for my panic attacks.The reason for that is that I was on anti-psychotic medication from a young age and gradually stopped taking them from the age of 14 since they made matters worse - I thought they caused weight gain which affected my eating disorder, I thought they were poisoned, I thought I was weird compared to the rest of the kids my age... I just wanted to be normal. I've tried some different approaches though like stimulating activities, spending time with my girlfriend and being more social with my family - it's made me feel better and more normal. However it doesn't stop the voices it only distracts me so I can't hear them, I may talk to my psychiatrist again and explain how I feel and see what he thinks though. :') 

sorry to hear about your condition dear canyoufixthebroken, actually the voices came exactly to have you feel desperate and to embitter you, to steal your intimacy, your happiness. Do not get discouraged though. You have to fight back by adopting a mentally positive attitude. It might sound devastating, yes but the best way to fight them off is to accept them by moving ahead with your life as if they had not been there in the first place. Keep pursuing your life goals and do not let them get you off your due course, Refrain from ever giving them any attention and instead focus on building your happiness daily by proactively following through your projects. You can do it. you can be that brave

Thank you! I really do try and do that and will continue to. This has been part of my life for as long as I can remember and I have improved so much. It'll take time but one day I'll learn to deal with them and find the right solution :)

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I wouldn't worry about losing friends; they don't need to know. Your girlfriend sounds like the supportive type especially since she's had first hand experience. If you do decide it might be worth a shot you could talk to the CMHT about how long they'd like you in there for. It might be only a few days, a maybe two weeks at the most, not enough to interfere with your studies when the time comes. You ought to be able to negotiate it.

 

Good luck in whatever you do.

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A psychiatrist is the kind of doctor that can prescribe medications that get rid of voices (auditory hallucinations).  Therapy isn't the same thing.  I agree with Tylenol Trident's advice to get help from one. 

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I think it's great that you're taking melatonin to help your sleep but an anti-psychotic will help with your voices.  Haldol has saved my life and I haven't gained an ounce with Haldol.

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I think it's great that you're taking melatonin to help your sleep but an anti-psychotic will help with your voices.  Haldol has saved my life and I haven't gained an ounce with Haldol.

I don't think I've ever tried Haldol, I'll talk to my doctor about it thank you :)

I wouldn't worry about losing friends; they don't need to know. Your girlfriend sounds like the supportive type especially since she's had first hand experience. If you do decide it might be worth a shot you could talk to the CMHT about how long they'd like you in there for. It might be only a few days, a maybe two weeks at the most, not enough to interfere with your studies when the time comes. You ought to be able to negotiate it.

 

Good luck in whatever you do.

Thank you, last time they suggested it they recommend I stay there for 4 months minimum after I had an overdose which put me in hospital last year. However, my mum said I'd be fine and I can do it on my own (since at the time I really didn't want to go) I don't know, I'll wait until they mention it again and if  they think its the best option I'll do it :)

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I think it's great that you're taking melatonin to help your sleep but an anti-psychotic will help with your voices.  Haldol has saved my life and I haven't gained an ounce with Haldol.

Also is Haldol the injection used to treat schizophrenia? I heard of something similar but the sound of the injection scares me :(

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Haldol can be taken both ways: as a shot, or an oral pill. I take the oral version. It's the only med that's ever helped me besides Saphris, but Saphris gave me a heart arrhythmia so I had to go off that one.

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Haldol can be taken both ways: as a shot, or an oral pill. I take the oral version. It's the only med that's ever helped me besides Saphris, but Saphris gave me a heart arrhythmia so I had to go off that one.

I will talk to my pdoc about it when I next see him - thank you :) 

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I haven't taken haldol but I have take a shot-form of med before (prolixin).  There are good and bad about both pill form and shot.

With the pill form, you can wean down off of it if it isn't working. Downside is that you have to remember to take the pill.

With the shot, it stays in you for awhile, and if it isn't working right, you need to wait until it is all out of your system (as opposed to weaning down right away).  The good side is that you don't have to remember to take the pill every day.

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I haven't taken haldol but I have take a shot-form of med before (prolixin).  There are good and bad about both pill form and shot.

With the pill form, you can wean down off of it if it isn't working. Downside is that you have to remember to take the pill.

With the shot, it stays in you for awhile, and if it isn't working right, you need to wait until it is all out of your system (as opposed to weaning down right away).  The good side is that you don't have to remember to take the pill every day.

Knowing my pdoc he will probably start me off on the pill to test it and then if it works I'll take the injection for it :') thank you for your help! I'm seeing my podcast on Friday so I'll let you know how it goes ^-^ 

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