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i'm done. stop the ride. i wasn't tall enough, anyway.

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I know it's childish and self-destructive, but I like being manic. Until I start feeling like my brain is leaking out of my ears and every sensory impression in the universe just keeps bombarding me with stuff even I think is weird. But I like that, almost coked-up sorta enhanced cerebral functioning that accompanies the early stages. Why does it always have to go clusterfuck?


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Mania sometimes feels okay at the very beginning, before I realise what's going on. When I do catch up to myself though, all my memories of how it felt to be wracked by mixed states and psychosis flood back into my head. Then it's pretty much a mad dash to contact the clinic.

I think it became less tempting for me as the years ticked by and I increasingly had more bad experiences with this illness than good ones.




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