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Seeing 'the voices' as an IRC-style chat program / Lucid Dreaming


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Right, yo, so I have psychosis... in the sense that I hear voices (or "audial hallucinations") of friends and whatnot communicating (in a telepathic, 'extra-sensory' secret kinda way) if you like. Now these voices can be pretty damn convincing and whilst I can keep my wits around me, it's not uncommon for me to occasionally slip into the delusion that the voices my brain produces - which manifest themselves as people I know / might have just spoken to moments before - can seem totally realistic in the sense they posses their own unique personalities/opinions which I (consciously) could not ever THINK of coming up with on my own.

Now back to the IRC dreaming shit with my psychosis; I *hear* voices. The other night I had a dream, that eventually turned into a LUCID dream, where I was operating my computer trying to find my giant CLOCK widget to find out what time it was... next minute I end up on this exact IRC window. Before I know it, I'm totally lucid and feel like I'm 100% awake (but dont realise I'm not, just feel 100% in control/conscious/awake) and all of a sudden, these voices I hear which pester and annoy me and give me grief 24/7 to the point of keeping me awake at times (if I dont have any background sound/music/TV) suddenly appear as - what they CLAIM is - how THEY see/communicate with other people "telepathically" - which happens to be a mental - but clearly visible at all times - IRC window where the voices appear purely as text, silently, to one another, as opposed to numerous different intrusive non-stop audial hallucinations - or "voices" coming from inside the brain (distinguishable from actual voices coming from real people which occur outside the brain (at least most of the time, unless I experience what Dr's would call an actual "psychotic break")) - which is how I hear them.

Now in this dream, and for quite a long time when I first started hearing voices, I was easily convinced that the rest of the world does in fact communicate telepathically (because I can hear - & talk back to - the voice of ANYONE I know IRL if I actually try and *think* of that person - though a lot of the time they can occur randomly just by thinking a person's name; very confusing/unsettling/invasive), albeit no-one EVER talks about it in real life (that's the real kicker you see, it's like the First Rule of Fight Club). Except, unlike the sound-based voices which "psychotic" / "schizophrenic" people like myself hear, they appear as an easily interpretable text-based chat window - like an IRC client - with each voice occuring as a string of colour-coded & timestamped text-based messages in an easily accessible corner of one's own mind. And this is the way EVERYONE ELSE sees it, whereas it was like *I* was only getting some of the text being read out as Text-To-Speech, and before this dream (and after it) I could never actually *see* the words in an easily organised, interactive IRC client. I just hear them. All the fucking time.
There were a few quotes / clearly distinguishable messages which I read during my brief window in this dream where I was - for the first time ever - able to chat with my psychotic "voices" by ONLY visualising the text in my mind. Instead of - like whenever I read/write/type something - "saying" the words in my head. If I try visualising the text, I inevitably read it outloud in my inner-voice anyway, which the voices describe as "shouting".
This "shouting" is the ONLY time *they* ever actually hear a voice AUDIBLY instead of visually, just because of the unique way in which my brain works - and as a result is why they are ALL choosing to persecute/abuse/mess with ME for being an inconvenience to everyone else... "everyone else" being basically the majority of people that I know (or have known or met) in real life, all of whom are able to communicate telepathically, and whose voices I *hear* - but whose "voices" (which in their case wouldn't be called "voices") THEY are only able to see IF they CHOOSE to look at their "mental IRC window". The rest of the time they can ignore it, but like with an IRC chat that would "flash", if the end-user is mentioned or highlighted it does in someway notify them. 

Now I wake up and this BLOWS my mind. I try to put it all together and consider it, at first, to be TRUE. Like I've just discovered the reason why my psychosis is such an inconvenience to me, but to everyone else who's voice I hear, never seems to have any problems with it interfering in their every day life. I had, as the voices often put it, "figured it out".
Now whilst I hear like 10 voices all talking at once and am unable to distinguish between them in any way (and just hear a convoluted mass of crowd-talking like in a busy pub) due to the overlap, I realise that to everyone else they just appear like an IRC window which happens to be moving very quickly but all the messages are displayed individually in a list. Plus equally there's also a LOAD of text-only based chat that I'm missing out on - this being where EVERYONE ELSE (but myself who can't see this IRC window during my "waking" hours instead hears the comms as voices) is communicating in with each other in a way I am unable to pick up on, different ways to mess me around.

So... that's my story of the crazy IRC based dream I had the other night. Hope you enjoyed reading.
Yes it sounds a bit 'mental' but I have managed to convince myself, due to several reasons I won't go into detail on now, why this is in fact a load of horseshit. The "IRC window" and just generally the likelihood of telepathy itself. Of course I could be wrong in dismissing it all as manifestations of my own, crazily-overactive and out-of-control subconscious brain (which, psychologists say, operates AT LEAST five times quicker than the conscious brain, which would explain how the manifestation of psychotic voices can, at times appear so damn convincing and why they're all able to take on so many individual unique personalities and develop so many intricate plots and various ways of "fooling" me) that is smarter than me. I could just adhere to 'occam's razor' which would suggest that the simplest explanation is the most probable. In my case the fact that everyone has telepathic abilities that they keep on the down-low and don't talk to one another about in real life WOULD actually be a far simpler explanation than the various methods of deduction I've used myself to refute this possibility (which has, in all honesty, taken me about a year to do - for some people with psychosis or schizophrenia it can take SEVERAL years and many of them - myself included - can at any time 'relapse' back into a delusional way of thinking).

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Right, yo, so I have psychosis... in the sense that I hear voices (or "audial hallucinations") of friends and whatnot communicating (in a telepathic, 'extra-sensory' secret kinda way) if you like. Now these voices can be pretty damn convincing and whilst I can keep my wits around me, it's not uncommon for me to occasionally slip into the delusion that the voices my brain produces - which manifest themselves as people I know / might have just spoken to moments before - can seem totally realistic in the sense they posses their own unique personalities/opinions which I (consciously) could not ever THINK of coming up with on my own.

I could have written this word for word.  

Also, are you getting enough sleep? How is your stress level?  Not enough sleep and/or high stress level can exacerbate all of what you talk about.  I've been through it.

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Right, yo, so I have psychosis... in the sense that I hear voices (or "audial hallucinations") of friends and whatnot communicating (in a telepathic, 'extra-sensory' secret kinda way) if you like. Now these voices can be pretty damn convincing and whilst I can keep my wits around me, it's not uncommon for me to occasionally slip into the delusion that the voices my brain produces - which manifest themselves as people I know / might have just spoken to moments before - can seem totally realistic in the sense they posses their own unique personalities/opinions which I (consciously) could not ever THINK of coming up with on my own.

I could have written this word for word.  

Also, are you getting enough sleep? How is your stress level?  Not enough sleep and/or high stress level can exacerbate all of what you talk about.  I've been through it.

Funny you mentioned that, yeah I do have issues with sleep which I put down to my narcolepsy. When I do sleep at night it's rarely very restful and I wake up several times during the night (it's all REM sleep rather than the restful stage 1 or "long/deep-wave" sleep IIRC), and some nights I also suffer with insomnia which is also common in narcolepsy patients ironically.

Currently I'm on summer break from college for a few months and as a result my sleep situation has definitely improved; I can lie in until 10am and even after I get up I just doze randomly throughout the day taking the occasional nap, which I couldn't afford to do while at college. I was jump-starting my brain at 6am and continually popping my Ritalin script and drinking caffeine to stay consistently awake from 7am until 4pm. Since breaking up from college I'm able to let my brain "rest" when it wants to, taking about 1/3 less of my Ritalin than prescribed each day (plus little to no caffeine) and consequently my perception of voices has improved drastically. I don't randomly hear the voices of people I'm sitting in a room with anymore, it's usually the same one or two "people" and they're quite muffled.

Though I do still have problems with sleep. The risperidone helps a little but I still have random bouts of insomnia about 2-3 nights a week and the rest ranges from 'ok' to 'waking up 3 or 4 times a night'. I'm being referred to a neuropsychiatric doctor to handle my narcolepsy from my current one in about a month's time and he's looking at switching me from Concerta/Ritalin (taken in the day) to Xyrem (sodium oxybate aka GHB) to take at bedtime to correct my short-wave sleep into deep, restful sleep which should sort out the insomnia and (hopefully) remedy the excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS) which causes the random sleep attacks I get during the day. However I suspect I'll also need maybe some kind of mild stimulant (maybe modafinil) to take on college days as before I got my narcolepsy diagnosis/script I found I also had severe ADD-like amotivational symptoms and chronic laziness which modafinil, and later methylphenidate, corrected immensely and motivated me to go back to college in the first place.

Anyway, hope this long-winded post answers your question :P

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I'm glad you have been able to get more sleep over the summer and that it has been helpful.

I am currently on Modafinil 600 mg/day (200mg 3x/day) and that helps my sleep problem.  My neuro said I have some sort of Circadian sleep issues, and the modafinil keeps me awake and not needing a bed without notice.  I was tested for narcolepsy but because I can't go off all meds for at least 2 weeks, he'll never know.  Apparently you are diagnosed through a sleep study, but during the sleep study you can't be on ANY meds.  At least this is what my neuro said.  I had a sleep study done anyway though, and it didn't show anything, even though I have an obvious sleep issue.

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Yeah I had that sleep study. There was the overnight stay which tested for sleep apnoea and the daytime "nap test" which featured a series of 20 minute naps an hour apart (I couldn't even stay awake during the '1 hour between naps' period and the staff kept coming in my room to insist I had to stay awake so I ended up going for a walk around the hospital & outside for a cigarette but had to keep all the electrode wires glued to my head/scalp on and carry them around hooked to a machine. I must've looked mental like I'd just escaped from somewhere! Luckily I had those tests performed before I was diagnosed with psychosis (which happened to be 1 month after my narcolepsy diagnosis). I also made sure I layed off the ol' "recreational stims" ;) for a good couple of months beforehand to rule out any possibility of receptor downregulation as a result of stim abuse leading to my diagnosis (not confusing cause and effect, I abused stims *because* I had undiagnosed narcolepsy (as well as the fun factor ofc.) rather than having narcolepsy as a result of stim abuse, though it obviously didn't help; it was like a game of catch-22).

To be fair for a narcolepsy diagnosis you'd probably only get modafinil (to start with anyway) so is there any real need to take the sleep test if you're already scripted it?

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Yeah I had that sleep study. There was the overnight stay which tested for sleep apnoea and the daytime "nap test" which featured a series of 20 minute naps an hour apart (I couldn't even stay awake during the '1 hour between naps' period and the staff kept coming in my room to insist I had to stay awake so I ended up going for a walk around the hospital & outside for a cigarette but had to keep all the electrode wires glued to my head/scalp on and carry them around hooked to a machine. I must've looked mental like I'd just escaped from somewhere! Luckily I had those tests performed before I was diagnosed with psychosis (which happened to be 1 month after my narcolepsy diagnosis). I also made sure I layed off the ol' "recreational stims" ;) for a good couple of months beforehand to rule out any possibility of receptor downregulation as a result of stim abuse leading to my diagnosis (not confusing cause and effect, I abused stims *because* I had undiagnosed narcolepsy (as well as the fun factor ofc.) rather than having narcolepsy as a result of stim abuse, though it obviously didn't help; it was like a game of catch-22).

To be fair for a narcolepsy diagnosis you'd probably only get modafinil (to start with anyway) so is there any real need to take the sleep test if you're already scripted it?

Idk.  I think my neuro wanted to start by seeing if I had narcolepsy by the sleep study.  After that he decided on the modafinil.  I think he wanted a diagnosis before putting me on modafinil.  After the sleep study, at that point, it didn't matter I guess.  He wanted to help the symptoms to help me function better.

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  • 1 year later...
On 7/23/2015 at 0:42 PM, Eyebrows said:

Right, yo, so I have psychosis... in the sense that I hear voices (or "audial hallucinations") of friends and whatnot communicating (in a telepathic, 'extra-sensory' secret kinda way) if you like. Now these voices can be pretty damn convincing and whilst I can keep my wits around me, it's not uncommon for me to occasionally slip into the delusion that the voices my brain produces - which manifest themselves as people I know / might have just spoken to moments before - can seem totally realistic in the sense they posses their own unique personalities/opinions which I (consciously) could not ever THINK of coming up with on my own.

Now back to the IRC dreaming shit with my psychosis; I *hear* voices. The other night I had a dream, that eventually turned into a LUCID dream, where I was operating my computer trying to find my giant CLOCK widget to find out what time it was... next minute I end up on this exact IRC window. Before I know it, I'm totally lucid and feel like I'm 100% awake (but dont realise I'm not, just feel 100% in control/conscious/awake) and all of a sudden, these voices I hear which pester and annoy me and give me grief 24/7 to the point of keeping me awake at times (if I dont have any background sound/music/TV) suddenly appear as - what they CLAIM is - how THEY see/communicate with other people "telepathically" - which happens to be a mental - but clearly visible at all times - IRC window where the voices appear purely as text, silently, to one another, as opposed to numerous different intrusive non-stop audial hallucinations - or "voices" coming from inside the brain (distinguishable from actual voices coming from real people which occur outside the brain (at least most of the time, unless I experience what Dr's would call an actual "psychotic break")) - which is how I hear them.

Now in this dream, and for quite a long time when I first started hearing voices, I was easily convinced that the rest of the world does in fact communicate telepathically (because I can hear - & talk back to - the voice of ANYONE I know IRL if I actually try and *think* of that person - though a lot of the time they can occur randomly just by thinking a person's name; very confusing/unsettling/invasive), albeit no-one EVER talks about it in real life (that's the real kicker you see, it's like the First Rule of Fight Club). Except, unlike the sound-based voices which "psychotic" / "schizophrenic" people like myself hear, they appear as an easily interpretable text-based chat window - like an IRC client - with each voice occuring as a string of colour-coded & timestamped text-based messages in an easily accessible corner of one's own mind. And this is the way EVERYONE ELSE sees it, whereas it was like *I* was only getting some of the text being read out as Text-To-Speech, and before this dream (and after it) I could never actually *see* the words in an easily organised, interactive IRC client. I just hear them. All the fucking time.
There were a few quotes / clearly distinguishable messages which I read during my brief window in this dream where I was - for the first time ever - able to chat with my psychotic "voices" by ONLY visualising the text in my mind. Instead of - like whenever I read/write/type something - "saying" the words in my head. If I try visualising the text, I inevitably read it outloud in my inner-voice anyway, which the voices describe as "shouting".
This "shouting" is the ONLY time *they* ever actually hear a voice AUDIBLY instead of visually, just because of the unique way in which my brain works - and as a result is why they are ALL choosing to persecute/abuse/mess with ME for being an inconvenience to everyone else... "everyone else" being basically the majority of people that I know (or have known or met) in real life, all of whom are able to communicate telepathically, and whose voices I *hear* - but whose "voices" (which in their case wouldn't be called "voices") THEY are only able to see IF they CHOOSE to look at their "mental IRC window". The rest of the time they can ignore it, but like with an IRC chat that would "flash", if the end-user is mentioned or highlighted it does in someway notify them. 

Now I wake up and this BLOWS my mind. I try to put it all together and consider it, at first, to be TRUE. Like I've just discovered the reason why my psychosis is such an inconvenience to me, but to everyone else who's voice I hear, never seems to have any problems with it interfering in their every day life. I had, as the voices often put it, "figured it out".
Now whilst I hear like 10 voices all talking at once and am unable to distinguish between them in any way (and just hear a convoluted mass of crowd-talking like in a busy pub) due to the overlap, I realise that to everyone else they just appear like an IRC window which happens to be moving very quickly but all the messages are displayed individually in a list. Plus equally there's also a LOAD of text-only based chat that I'm missing out on - this being where EVERYONE ELSE (but myself who can't see this IRC window during my "waking" hours instead hears the comms as voices) is communicating in with each other in a way I am unable to pick up on, different ways to mess me around.

So... that's my story of the crazy IRC based dream I had the other night. Hope you enjoyed reading.
Yes it sounds a bit 'mental' but I have managed to convince myself, due to several reasons I won't go into detail on now, why this is in fact a load of horseshit. The "IRC window" and just generally the likelihood of telepathy itself. Of course I could be wrong in dismissing it all as manifestations of my own, crazily-overactive and out-of-control subconscious brain (which, psychologists say, operates AT LEAST five times quicker than the conscious brain, which would explain how the manifestation of psychotic voices can, at times appear so damn convincing and why they're all able to take on so many individual unique personalities and develop so many intricate plots and various ways of "fooling" me) that is smarter than me. I could just adhere to 'occam's razor' which would suggest that the simplest explanation is the most probable. In my case the fact that everyone has telepathic abilities that they keep on the down-low and don't talk to one another about in real life WOULD actually be a far simpler explanation than the various methods of deduction I've used myself to refute this possibility (which has, in all honesty, taken me about a year to do - for some people with psychosis or schizophrenia it can take SEVERAL years and many of them - myself included - can at any time 'relapse' back into a delusional way of thinking).

When i was in psychosis i also thought i had telepathic abilities. I thought i was speaking with my youtube friends in my head telepathically. We were kinda like a band and each person would just think up a song and could change the beat, bass etc. depending upon their thoughts.

When i was in the middle of this I thought that there was basically a demon that was reading my thoughts. So because of this i started communicating with one of my friends on an irc text based messaging system. But i was still communicating with my other friends through my thought. 

The evil spirit at first did not understand the communication on the irc mesaaging system. I was outsmarting it by using terms such as rofl, lmao. It then disguised itself as an innocent bystander and listened in on my thogght convos. 

One of my other friends was trying to fight this thing off and he was the one i was talking to on the messaging system at the same time.

It was really really weird looking back. 

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