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Going to get fired because of depression


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I have been in this delightful depression the last two weeks.  I have all sorts of issues with work that I can't even begin to explain.  Let's just say my bipolar manic delusions are centered around my job a lot of the time.

Last night I couldn't even get out of bed (I work at night).  My bf tried his best to get me to go to work but I didn't. 

Then I got a call from my boss (who was supposed to be out of town) this morning and got in some trouble for not doing my job.  Luckily he is very nice about it.  Nonetheless, I dragged my ass into work this morning and did half my job while he did the other half.

I am scared now that I will end up losing my job and he just isn't firing me cause it is christmas time.

I only work part time and am on disability so if i lose my job i am not totally fucked, but I still can't afford to live on my own and I have to deal with parental guilt.  I am far too old to be taken care of by my parents.

So my trouble is, I feel like a huge loser for not being able to work like a normal person.

How do people overcome their feelings of inadequacy over not being able to work like a 'normal' person?

And how do people explain to their caregivers that they are trying their best?

UGH. ;)

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Not that anyone is reading, but that is ok, I just need somewhere to vent.

My boss was very good about the whole thing and the people I ran into while working were very nice...

Except this one man who completely freaked out on me, yelled at me infront of everyone in the office for being there during working hours.  And he would not relent.  Just kept yelling and repeating himself, so I just left without finishing.

I was SO PISSED.  No one deserves that treatment, and to publicly humiliate me just filled me with burning rage.

I have rage issues.

But I just walked away.  Only I couldn't let him get away with it, so I left him this letter on the main counter for everyone in the office to see:

"A NOTE FROM THE OFFICE CLEANER

TO: The man who confronted and insulted me on the 23rd of December, 2005.

Dear Sir,

I understand that it is generally inappropriate to be cleaning during office hours.  However, a simple mistake on my part was made concerning the schedualing of seasonal holidays.

The other offices I am responsible for requested, through my employer, that I come in the morning and quickly tidy up.  That is what I did.  Everyone was good natured, pleasant, and accomidating. 

You, sir, were not.

You were rude, unprofessional, and ignorant.

I understand that your job may be stressful and that the people you deal with daily are often unpleasant.  I am not a criminal. I am a university graduate with a chronic illness who cleans up your garbage and piss.

A more appropriate response to my presence would have been to calmly take me aside, inquire about the situation, and request that I return at a later time as you did not want me here during open hours.

Those were not your actions.  You were loud, aggressive and public, and seemed to possibly take pleasure in my public humiliation.

Sir, humans are prone to error.  Your attitude suggested you must be above such imperfections, and as far as I know, the only flawless being is God.  So I hope your 'birthday' was not only marked by grand worship, but also enhanced by your thoughtless, inconsiderate verbal attack on me.  It must have been a treat.

To the rest of the office staff, I hope your holidays were wonderful, and your new year is filled with joy."

I feel much much better now, and fuck people who talk down to you.  My new years resolution is to not take shit from anyone.

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