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That itch


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I've been fending it off all day... that itchy feeling to feel something other than emotional pain. I prefer when my body hurts, rather than anxiety or the emotional flooding that I consider a flashback.

I'm so tired. I can't keep fighting it tonight. I've been doing "little things" to try to satisfy the urge... they're not enough, but they're still far more than a not-SI'ing population would ever engage in.

I tried chat... I'm sorry. I know this is a pointless post. I just want understanding that it's so hard... and how exhausting it is.

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I know how you feel and you're not alone.

I have been fighting it for what feels like forever and tonight I don't want to admit it but I know I'm going to give in and you're right it's so hard and takes so much energy just to hold back.

Just remember this is only a set back not the end.

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Thanks for all the thoughts and well-wishes. They are much appreciated.

I've been with people all day so far. First I went for breakfast with my friend Gee, and then I rode my bike and did some errands for him (he left something important at home that I went and got). Then I saw tdoc. Then I met a woman in the park and she took some pictures of me because I need them for work. She also took a picture of the ducklings for me because I was sort of obsessed :D

But now I'm home and Fuzzy leaves in a few hours so I'll be alone... and that's when the trouble really starts.

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Sounds like a busy day! Good for you for coping for so long. I know it's crazy hard. Try doing some nice things this evening after Fuzzy leaves. Are there tactile things that might help? Doing some art about it? Doing things that feel nice on your body like taking warm bath (or cool one, this time of year!), putting on lotion, wearing your favourite clothes, etc.?

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I'm super-particular about tactile things. I don't do lotions or creams at all because I don't like the texture (spray-on sunscreen is brilliant. I never wore it before). I don't really want to have a bath, although I guess that I should have a shower after riding my bike so much in the heat (it's been in the 30sC or high 80sF)

I think I promised tdoc that I would watch the Lego Movie tonight. There is definitely some art that needs to be made (including some for another staff member here) but I'm not sure if I have the focus. We'll see. Thanks for the list of options. I tend to forget. Well, I suspect that we all do sometimes.

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some ppl say those with schizophrenia are sensitives, empaths, healers and part of Christ-consciousness.  Lewis Mehl-Madrona (PhD in psychiatry) has a cpl of books that might help, also a facebook pge - Coyote Healing and Healing the Mind through power of story. 

another view is to let go of what you don't want - quantum thinking, kinesiology is also useful, identifying stresses and removing them, also other alternative therapies such as reiki, seichim, emotional freedom technique, best wishes.

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While I'm empathetic, I'm not schizophrenic. I've also never heard of Christ-consciousness, although it sounds more Christian than I tend to ascribe to.

There really isn't anything in your post related to SI. As a result you make no sense.

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