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3 hours ago, Poem said:

The one thing that bothers me the most is that this "outgoing world" just doesn't understand that someone can be normal and enjoy solitude/their own company.

I get what you mean.  I don't understand it either.  I've read how people who are married are less stressed and live longer if they have someone to share their life with (I don't have any links, but have read this so many times that it must be at least partly true that people think like this.  If I were married, it would stress me out more and I doubt my living longer would be because I am married or not.

Edited by melissaw72
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On August 20, 2016 at 6:10 AM, melissaw72 said:

That would really stress me out if I did those things.  Like I said, I give you a lot of credit for leaving, staying out for a time period before coming home, and having an exit strategy.  What do you do when you are out?  What kind of events?  Are they things you enjoy?

Usually I either am out seeing a movie or hanging out with friends (which are generally low anxiety) or going to a networking event (which is high anxiety)

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On August 21, 2016 at 10:46 AM, huntforbravery said:

Usually I either am out seeing a movie or hanging out with friends (which are generally low anxiety) or going to a networking event (which is high anxiety)

Same on going to networking events. I have to go to those kinds of things all the time for work. It used to make me a lot more anxious, but I stopped caring as much recently.

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9 hours ago, heilmania said:

Same on going to networking events. I have to go to those kinds of things all the time for work. It used to make me a lot more anxious, but I stopped caring as much recently.

Good that you stopped being anxious so about them. I hope that happens to me too. Or even a lessening of my anxiety about them

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11 hours ago, huntforbravery said:

Good that you stopped being anxious so about them. I hope that happens to me too. Or even a lessening of my anxiety about them

It took a couple years, I'll be honest. At first, I would just follow my boss around so I wasn't alone in a sea of strangers. I'm more comfortable now, and I suppose it was just a wacky version of exposure therapy that got me to where I am. I hope you get used to it, too! :)

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6 hours ago, heilmania said:

It took a couple years, I'll be honest. At first, I would just follow my boss around so I wasn't alone in a sea of strangers. I'm more comfortable now, and I suppose it was just a wacky version of exposure therapy that got me to where I am. I hope you get used to it, too! :)

Haha I feel like a lot of people have followed someone around at a party. I sure have :) It's great that you don't have to do that anymore

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Yes. Verymuchso. Haven't gone out in.. Ages, aside from like.. Short trips to grab shopping I forgot to order in. That kinda thing. It's mostly been me at front, and.. I don't enjoy socialising with people. I think all of us find it incredibly draining.. We want to play tabletop games and stuff though, just.. Ugh. Being around people, especially people we don't know verywell.

The more serious thing it's fucking up is housing. We're supposed to be having at-minimum 10.5hrs of care/support time a week. But.. Because of how intensely draining/anxietymaking that is, we're barely managing 3 or so. Might end up getting kicked out of this otherwise-perfect flat (wheelchair accessible, roomy, at the end of a quiet road, staff around, etc). Just.. 10.5hrs of.. Strangers being in my space. Ffffnn.

We only signed up for this because it was.. That or just stay homeless, and keep relying on partner indefinitely to let us stay in her tiny 1bedroom place. Idunno what's gonna happen when they figure out that it's going to take a whole lot longer than a few weeks to settle in to 10.5 hours, haha. If ever, jeez. It's.. A huge, stressful mess that.. I shouldn't be dwelling on at 2am.

Tri

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47 minutes ago, WinterTidings said:

Yes. Verymuchso. Haven't gone out in.. Ages, aside from like.. Short trips to grab shopping I forgot to order in. That kinda thing. It's mostly been me at front, and.. I don't enjoy socialising with people. I think all of us find it incredibly draining.. We want to play tabletop games and stuff though, just.. Ugh. Being around people, especially people we don't know verywell.

The more serious thing it's fucking up is housing. We're supposed to be having at-minimum 10.5hrs of care/support time a week. But.. Because of how intensely draining/anxietymaking that is, we're barely managing 3 or so. Might end up getting kicked out of this otherwise-perfect flat (wheelchair accessible, roomy, at the end of a quiet road, staff around, etc). Just.. 10.5hrs of.. Strangers being in my space. Ffffnn.

We only signed up for this because it was.. That or just stay homeless, and keep relying on partner indefinitely to let us stay in her tiny 1bedroom place. Idunno what's gonna happen when they figure out that it's going to take a whole lot longer than a few weeks to settle in to 10.5 hours, haha. If ever, jeez. It's.. A huge, stressful mess that.. I shouldn't be dwelling on at 2am.

Tri

Tri, what is it about care/support time that is making you so anxious? Just being around other people?

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10 hours ago, heilmania said:

Tri, what is it about care/support time that is making you so anxious? Just being around other people?

Partially that, partially having people in our space (who we don't trust hugely, like, close-friend level or above). I think the root of that is that part of what our ex-parents did to us was all tied up with messing with our space to fuck with our head. So now we're very.. Anxious & fearful of having people in our space. But also yeah. Just.. Being around people who we don't know well isn't a comfortable experience. Having those people in our home, doubly so.

Tri

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I'm a quasi-recluse. First thing in the morning right after I take my meds, I can go to the store and stuff, but that's about it. My anxiety gets worse and worse as the day goes on and even answering the door for a package is hard for me. I'm definitely turning into a full on recluse.  

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3 hours ago, squideyes said:

I'm a quasi-recluse. First thing in the morning right after I take my meds, I can go to the store and stuff, but that's about it. My anxiety gets worse and worse as the day goes on and even answering the door for a package is hard for me. I'm definitely turning into a full on recluse.  

 

Squid, I wonder if this is something to bring up to the pdoc? Anxiety worsening throughout the day as meds wear off sounds like something that could be solved by longer-acting meds or, if you take a benzo kind of thing, taking one in the morning and one in the afternoon. My pdoc just added a third dose in the evening of my Klonopin so that I don't wake up in the night or morning having anxiety attacks. Apparently I've been metabolising the stuff too fast.

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4 minutes ago, heilmania said:

Squid, I wonder if this is something to bring up to the pdoc? Anxiety worsening throughout the day as meds wear off sounds like something that could be solved by longer-acting meds or, if you take a benzo kind of thing, taking one in the morning and one in the afternoon. My pdoc just added a third dose in the evening of my Klonopin so that I don't wake up in the night or morning having anxiety attacks. Apparently I've been metabolising the stuff too fast.

I take PRNs (Klonopin & Vistaril), but I take them at the time same time when all the anxiety hits. I'm supposed to split them up during the day as my pdoc ordered, so I definitely need to talk to her about that.  

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Am I a recluse, Hmmm??? At the moment I am very much locking myself away from the outside world and hardly go outside or speak with someone whom isn't my mum, Sister or niece, Not really spoken to my own MH team in months as they haven't bothered with me... Haven't managed to even face going out to get my med's weekly so been without for near enough two months and the whole idea of going out somewhere scarys me, Knowing people are looking at me and speaking about me, Laughing at me ect, I will cry at times knowing I have to go out somewhere even if its to the shop around the corner...

Food shopping has all been done online or when my mum has gone out I will ask her to get me things, Even thought she never gets what I ask for as she gets it mixed up ha... My sister has texted me this evening and asked if I would like to go out with her tomorrow upto a shopping park as a new store has opened, Plus she wants new shoes and I haven't even answered her because right now I want to say no but I know deep inside I need to go because very soon I will start taking my niece to school twice a week and pick her up once a week, It would of been more but as one has become more unwell we are hoping I can manage that for now...

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9 hours ago, Crazygorilla said:

Am I a recluse, Hmmm??? At the moment I am very much locking myself away from the outside world and hardly go outside or speak with someone whom isn't my mum, Sister or niece, Not really spoken to my own MH team in months as they haven't bothered with me... Haven't managed to even face going out to get my med's weekly so been without for near enough two months and the whole idea of going out somewhere scarys me, Knowing people are looking at me and speaking about me, Laughing at me ect, I will cry at times knowing I have to go out somewhere even if its to the shop around the corner...

Food shopping has all been done online or when my mum has gone out I will ask her to get me things, Even thought she never gets what I ask for as she gets it mixed up ha... My sister has texted me this evening and asked if I would like to go out with her tomorrow upto a shopping park as a new store has opened, Plus she wants new shoes and I haven't even answered her because right now I want to say no but I know deep inside I need to go because very soon I will start taking my niece to school twice a week and pick her up once a week, It would of been more but as one has become more unwell we are hoping I can manage that for now...

Have you talked to your pdoc/tdoc (if you have either or both) about how you are doing? (about what you wrote in quoted post above?)

To me it sounds like you aren't doing too well, especially not being on meds for 2 months or so.  I would really encourage you to contact your pdoc/tdoc about what is going on ... it doesn't sound like things are getting better.

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6 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

Have you talked to your pdoc/tdoc (if you have either or both) about how you are doing? (about what you wrote in quoted post above?)

To me it sounds like you aren't doing too well, especially not being on meds for 2 months or so.  I would really encourage you to contact your pdoc/tdoc about what is going on ... it doesn't sound like things are getting better.

 I do not have a Tdoc now as she retired a few months ago, I have a Pdoc but its not someone I can call and speak with as I see different ones each time and I never know who it will be until the day of my appointment...

I reached out to my CPN and she hang up on me because I was getting angry as to why she hadn't bothered to try and reach me in 5 weeks since I cancelled my last appointment as I could not even face going out to that, Bearing in mind here I have not seen her for over 20 weeks now and normally it was monthly or three weekly or sometimes once a week I saw her and I do not even think they know I tried to take my life near enough 3 weeks ago too...

Sorry I hope I am not coming across as poor me or something as thats not what I mean or anything like that or if I am making myself clear, Sorry...

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5 minutes ago, Crazygorilla said:

 I do not have a Tdoc now as she retired a few months ago, I have a Pdoc but its not someone I can call and speak with as I see different ones each time and I never know who it will be until the day of my appointment...

I reached out to my CPN and she hang up on me because I was getting angry as to why she hadn't bothered to try and reach me in 5 weeks since I cancelled my last appointment as I could not even face going out to that, Bearing in mind here I have not seen her for over 20 weeks now and normally it was monthly or three weekly or sometimes once a week I saw her and I do not even think they know I tried to take my life near enough 3 weeks ago too...

Sorry I hope I am not coming across as poor me or something as thats not what I mean or anything like that or if I am making myself clear, Sorry...

 

You're not coming across as "oh, poor me" at all! You're just answering questions honestly. Is there a way you can get a new tdoc? I know that process isn't always fun, but if you're having trouble leaving the house, having suicidal thoughts and actions, etc., it's kind of necessary in my book. I'm not sure how things work in the UK (it seems like people have treatment teams?), but you could also call back the CPN and try to explain your situation calmly. Start with the suicide attempt, and you'll have their attention. I can't imagine they'd hang up on you after hearing that. Remember that when seeking help, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. It SHOULD be a thousand times easier to get help, but since it isn't, you have to push a little sometimes. FWIW, I'm really sorry to hear you're not doing so well. I hope you'll be able to get some help soon.

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13 minutes ago, Crazygorilla said:

 I do not have a Tdoc now as she retired a few months ago, I have a Pdoc but its not someone I can call and speak with as I see different ones each time and I never know who it will be until the day of my appointment...

I reached out to my CPN and she hang up on me because I was getting angry as to why she hadn't bothered to try and reach me in 5 weeks since I cancelled my last appointment as I could not even face going out to that, Bearing in mind here I have not seen her for over 20 weeks now and normally it was monthly or three weekly or sometimes once a week I saw her and I do not even think they know I tried to take my life near enough 3 weeks ago too...

Sorry I hope I am not coming across as poor me or something as thats not what I mean or anything like that or if I am making myself clear, Sorry...

 

2 minutes ago, heilmania said:

You're not coming across as "oh, poor me" at all! You're just answering questions honestly. Is there a way you can get a new tdoc? I know that process isn't always fun, but if you're having trouble leaving the house, having suicidal thoughts and actions, etc., it's kind of necessary in my book. I'm not sure how things work in the UK (it seems like people have treatment teams?), but you could also call back the CPN and try to explain your situation calmly. Start with the suicide attempt, and you'll have their attention. I can't imagine they'd hang up on you after hearing that. Remember that when seeking help, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. It SHOULD be a thousand times easier to get help, but since it isn't, you have to push a little sometimes. FWIW, I'm really sorry to hear you're not doing so well. I hope you'll be able to get some help soon.

^^THIS.

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