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ChameleonCompass

Started SI after several years of absence

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I recently had a suicide attempt by self injury. I chickened out when I hit an artery and it scared me enough to call EMS to help me out. Ever since then, I've had a strong desire to SI and last night and tonight I've carried out on these compulsions. The last time I regularly harmed myself was several years ago... I thought I was done with this stuff. I also have to admit that i've been drinking alcohol and isolating from people: I know I'm going through a depressive episode. Last month I spent a few weeks inpatient... and I don't want to go back there. I'm about to start college later this month and I really need to have it together. I guess I'm just looking to very or some understanding about what I'm going though.

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It definitely can feel like we go backwards from time to time.

Usually what that means is something in our life circumstances has changed and our coping skills are getting out weighed by stressors.

Sounds like a good time to re-assess your coping skills and see where they need some shoring up?

 

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I didn't S/H for about 5 yrs, now after a number of things I have started again. It's never really left me though, ive had that urge non stop but just not acted on it until a few months ago. But at the moment its getting me through the day, I am going to see my doctor about it but not right away. I'm just not ready to talk about my past with her just yet. If I get scared that i'm going to go any further I have my sister that I can talk to. She will understand me better than anyone else as she has also self harmed for many many yrs. Its nice to be able to put a comment like this out there to people I don't know and not to be judged, TOP TIP: always try to have someone you can go to when you feel you may go too far, even if it's just a helpline number you can make a note of... keep safe. 

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As a teen I would SI I haven't done it in over 22 years but last night something snapped. I am more then likely going to be getting divorced after 12 years. I mostly blame myself because my depression has been so debilitating at times. I took my husband for granted that he'd never leave me and he's now or has been for awhile checked out. The past couple of weeks I've been really depressed, no energy, no will power for anything and I'm just an empty shell. Last night the conversation we were having at my attempt to try and hopefully fix what I've destroyed made him leave the room he didn't want to hear anymore he was done. I grabbed a razor walked out to him looked him in the face and said now do you get it now do you see my pain? And started cutting. It terrified him and really made him not want to work on things because he can't handle it. As sick as it is it made me feel better.. For the moment. Now I'm so embarrassed, sick about it. My daughter who's 10 did not see the cutting but she saw the after math along with my mother who he called to come and deal with me. I do not feel suicidal but of course that's everyone's perception of It that doesn't even know what SH is. Usually it's such a secret act why would I share that with him what would possess me after 22 years to do that again?

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For me when I self harmed Nicky it was because I felt worthless, and helpless and had no control over the situation I was in and also didn't know how to deal with strong feelings I was having. Everyone is different and have there own reasons for SI.  Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get some treatment to learn some better coping skills and talk to someone about all that's going on in your life.  So sorry your going through this now Nicky.  Been having strong urges myself to si lately , yesterday began DBT with my counselor so hoping this helps.  Wishing you well.

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