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Not feeling ok...


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Anybody get into that eerie calm where you know something is off, something is coming, but you just can't put your finger on what?

I don't feel...right...but I don't know where it's going yet...I can't really describe it even to myself let alone someone else.

In the past...it can fizzle out...or become really nasty...depression? dysphoric mania? The waiting is the worst. Anybody else been here? How do you deal with it? Wait and see and hope for the best?

fingers crossed,

~Faith

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I try not to be victimized by it, whatever it be, and not give it power as some inexorable force. I try to reassert my ability to shove my own moods around. For example, a good way to get out of depression is by getting angry/excited. Today I was gripped by unaccountable feelings of fear/anxiety/derealization and I got out of it by telling myself this is a passing emotion and does not reflect the reality of my life. But it could've escalated to full-blown self-loathing for who knows how many weeks.

Try to distract yourself with another set of powerful emotions. Derail these budding anxieties/forbodings of worse to come. They can turn into self-fulfilling prophesies.

edit: I just re-read "eerie" calm. It kinda sounds to me like you might be creating this monster via escalating anxiety. Is there a pattern? Does this happen whenever things are going well and you're stable and in the back of your mind you're worried this won't last so the stage is set for your eerie calm? yes, your eerie calm. take ownership. you are you. bp is not a foreign parasite. it is you.

good luck,

7

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Gee Faith,

I started to throw out an idea, but in reflection, I think I am just guessing.  I'm not sure that I even know how I felt before my switches.

I guess my suggestion is... don't read too much into it.  Sometimes things are calm, just  because they are calm. 

Best wishes,  A.M.

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Very good points, both of you...I have been thinking it over and am coming to realize that it probably just is plain and simple anxiety. Normally my anxiety seems to "fixate" on specific things, and right now, it is just general, free-floating...for me, this isn't the "usual," so it is taking on scarier proportions than what it warrants. I can take a certain amount of seroquel as needed so I think I will try that and some of the usual breathing exercises...a lot of stress is going on right now and today has been a rough day so that probably is contributing as well.

It feels weird to feel anxious and yet have my brain be "quiet" at the same time. That probably doesn't make any real sense. I feel better having some idea of what is going on, though. Thank you for the input!

~Faith

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Faith:

"It feels weird to feel anxious and yet have my brain be "quiet" at the same time" - that makes total sense to me. It's as if the meds ARE working, keeping you in check, but at any moment something may slip through. I think you're right - sounds like anxiety. Do you take Lithium? If so, a slight increase in it may help (if the Seroquel doesn't). Let us know how you're doing.

- Kiki

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