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So it's the 6 week holidays and I was having a pretty good time spending it with my girlfriend and loved ones. However it's currently 1:15am and I have just purged after weighing myself. I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat, ugly, slut! I hate her and I don't even know who she is anymore. Every night I have had alone when there's nobody with me I fall back into purging and not eating. I hate my weight. I used to be so thin but this recovery has made me fatter than ever and I just want to punch the walls and scream! I just need people to rant to who understand. I just want to be more open with Bulimia and talk to people who feel the same - I feel like ranting is a good option right now.

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It's so hard, isn't it? It's really upsetting. It gets easier over time... eventually...

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It's so hard, isn't it? It's really upsetting. It gets easier over time... eventually...

Yeah :/ every time I feel close to recovering it just happens again. I hope it will get easier since I have had the diagnosis of bulimia since I was 12 and I'm back where I started.

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Do you have a care provider at all? Sometimes having them hold me/us to account can be helpful, here.

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Do you have a care provider at all? Sometimes having them hold me/us to account can be helpful, here.

Yeah I have a lot of help and support from health care providers but regardless of the help I get it's a personal struggle and I feel like I need to be in the right mindset before I start recovery again. I am seeing my doctor in the next few days and after speaking to my mum about my relapse she is going to probably start monitoring what I eat and not let me go to the toilet straight after eating so I wont purge. They were really good last time, I had a timetable for what food I was eating and I was carefully monitored. Hopefully they can help me again :)

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I hope so! I'm glad that you were able to get the support and care that you needed. And I hope that it's easier for you this time.

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It's great you have support and good care providers.  I hope you can lean on them and work with them to get to a better place again.  Unfortunately, falling back into behaviors happens and is a frustrating part of the recovery process.

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It's great you have support and good care providers.  I hope you can lean on them and work with them to get to a better place again.  Unfortunately, falling back into behaviors happens and is a frustrating part of the recovery process.

I'm getting a lot of help and support luckily - I'm just still looking for the right treatment though. And yes relapse drives me insane it just feels like all my hard work was for nothing :/ I guess you just have to keep trying though :')

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