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Sras

I miss my best friend

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It's been 13 years and I've never loved anyone the way I loved her. I saw a friend of a friend on fb who has the same name and it broke me. I don't think of her all the time. When I do I can remember the good times, but today I fell apart. 

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I'm so sorry Sras.

Falling apart is actually a good thing however devastating it can be. I don't think I will ever get over my brother's death. He was my best friend. At times, I still think he must be alive.  No matter what anyone says, it does NOT get any easier with time. I am on the floor writhing with grief, must less than in the past, but all that pain is still there. I lock it up in my well of grief, but sometimes it bubbles over and I lift the top of the well and let myself howl.  This is a lovely line from Psalm 32:3 about letting out your grief:

When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long.

 

 

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I'm ok. I think it was hard because I lost her before social media was a big thing so there's nothing out there. I'm always sad when I think of her but seeing that name was a shock I guess. 

 

water I've always had thoughts that she is still alive and her parents held a fake funeral for her. At my worst I fantasize about bumping into her one day. I know it's purely fantasy but in a way I've been clinging to that thought for years. Strange way to cope and kind of cruel to ourselves in allowing those thoughts, I always feel worse when I find my way back to reality. 

Sorry you lost your brother :(

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I've always had thoughts that she is still alive

She is still alive, in your heart, your soul and your spirit.

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Sorry to hear you are struggling and missing your friend. I can't really say anything to make you feel better except that I am thinking of you and hope that you will feel some peace soon

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That is really rough... I can imagine thinking the same thoughts and wishing for the same outcome  as you. Missing someone you love is hell. I can only imagine how hard it would be to see the same name and reactivatung old suffering. Try to be kind to yourself. 

Maybe write a letter to her and light it on fire like incense and let it go up like a sweet prayer.  

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