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I feel like damaged goods


danna101

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My mom is visiting right now.  She is sooo crazy.  She is the most negative person you will ever meet.  I've had friends meet her for the first time and they are just taken aback.  "Wow," they say.  Because it's hard for most of them to imagine someone who is so completely and overwhelmingly negative and hard to deal with.

She's so hard to deal with that I hate the type of person I become when I'm around her.  I either shut her out or get very snappy.  It's hard to explain, but she's so stubborn that there's no talking to her.  And she NEVER asks why I'm upset, did she do something--she never apologizes.  She just gets defensive and acts like everyone else around her has a problem.  It's never her.

Fact of the matter is that I'm an extremely anxious and insecure person having grown up in these circumstances.  Who will ever love or want me?  I feel like damaged goods.  Someone would much rather have someone whose parents would make cool inlaws...who isn't always stressed out and guilty and depressed about her mom...someone normal.  I feel like I'm a complete reject.

Furthermore, I feel very guilty when I'm mean to her.  But she makes herself SO impossible to deal with.  I do love her, but she's simply intolerable to be around at times.  She should probably go on medication, but she would never listen if I talked to her about it.

Anyway, I just fear that being raised by someone so screwed up means I'll never have a chance at having a NORMAL life...because I have no idea what normal is.  I mean, what is a normal relationship??  My mother has no boundaries at all.  She spews negativity with no sense of the consequences.  I'm depressed because I wonder if I've been irrepairably damaged by this. 

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D.

You have alot of insight into your mom's behavior and your reaction to it. Its really is very clear. She's most likely so into herself - for reasons you might never get to understand-that more than likely, anything you try to do to appease her or to get her to pay emotional attention to you is out of her character, she probably just can't respond like you would like her to. Always remember that has NOTHING TO DO WITH WHO YOU ARE. I know thats hard cause I struggle with it after many years of therapy, etc. Sometimes I can laugh her off, and sometimes she still brings me to tears. The one thing I want to say again is that your understanding of your relationship is very clear, enough that hopefully you can continue to build on it and get loose of her negativity. Its hard, but its also your path to emotional growth.

You will be in my thoughts, good luck, don't let her get you down!

Syl

PS: I just don't get the part when you say, "who would want me", thats just your depression talking.

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Guest FrannyNZooey

Danna~ First of all you are not damaged goods. Secondly you know you Mom has the problem, why you even said who would want to marry someone and get in laws like that?

Believe me, they will not be looking at your Mom. Honestly she sounds like mine, and probably half the worlds Mom's, at least most of us here. Look at all the comedy show Mom's. Where does comedy stem from? It comes from a way to deal, cover pain. God most of the comedians are genius and crazy!

Do like I did, first I just totally avoided taking dates to my house. I think I tried to keep it up to the engagement dinner, honestly. Really tried to Wedding day.

There is also elopement, done that.

And you know what, believe me, no big surprise when future hubby meets new mom in law and finds out why you kept her away, in fact he will thank you!  ;)

She had and still has her chance at happiness. We are all ultimately the controller of our own destiny.

I have even put Mom on call block after marriage for she would call me when just back from honeymoon and nightly for months late at night to just chat, ask "what I was doing ?".

This is a woman that was never around for me while growing up, in fact left me with Dad and 3 brothers when I had just turn 13. I mean just left. Poof gone, for four years, then thought poof just back in my life again since back in my Dad's.

It is called boundaries, and some people need them set up very clear. It is not mean, it is for your sanity, your chance at life.

Please seek counseling, good luck.

Aly

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  • 1 month later...

I have also felt like damaged goods most of my life. I believed I was all the bad things my abusive alcoholic mother told me I was. I even felt that I had bipolar as a punishment for being such a revolting creature.

Guess what? You are not any of the things you think. You just need to find who you really are and prove all the labels you carry around with you are wrong. It is crippling to carry all that cr*p around!

Therapy, is what turned my life around. I didn't even realise how much garbage I was carrying  before I found a good therapist and started working through stuff.

Send me an email if you want to chat

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