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i am angry that i have to go without medication.  i am angry that my posts always get moved to the pregnancy board.  i don't want to talk about pregnancy.  i want to talk about how freaking mad i am at everyone and everything.

my husband is seriously pissing me off.  to him, i either need to quit acting like a baby or whatever i say is invalid because i am bipolar.

i am mad at the hostess at the restaurant we went to tonight.  she said there was no wait time and then proceeded to ignore us.  my husband, being the freaking ultra-polite-never-cause-a-stir person he is, quietly asked if there was a wait time.  the stupid hostess said no and so i screamed, "then why are we freaking waiting?"  my husband got mad at me for that.  he says he's not going anywhere with me again because i always complain about everything.

well you know what?  i cannot freaking help it.  i cannot take my medication.  there is absolutely nothing i can possibly do to make it better.  i cannot control myself.  it sucks, but what the heck do people want me to do?  i can't change me.  why does everyone want me to change?

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invictus61101:

Hi. I'm sorry things are so bad. Did you get my PM? I wrote you because I wanted to make sure you saw the articles on the studies of ACs during pregnancy. The study with Lamictal looked very encouraging in terms of safety.

Please let me know if you would like me to send you the links again.

revlow

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Heya invictus,

The studies on Lamictal, and its pregnancy registry, do look pretty good.

I know rage.  This is my mixed episodes, and in fact also my depressions, it's just the target of the rage that seems to fluctuate.

If I'm angry at just me, I'm depressed.  If I'm angry at me *plus* everyone else, I'm mixed.

I encourage you to talk to your team about perhaps trying Lamictal or something else for mood-stabilizing.

The massive hormone surges that come with rage aren't benign/harmless in pregnancy either, so it's really that risk/benefit analysis and you need your team on board.

Do they *get* how bad the rage is?  You can't go on like this, pregnancy or no pregnancy.

At least, *I* couldn't.

--ncc--

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invictus:

I agree with Rabbit. I hope you will talk with both your docs about this, and hopefully get them working together. This is a really stressful time for you, and I'm sure if you could get some med that would help with the BP, and not harm your baby, you would feel a lot better!

I looked again at the pregnancy board and realized there are a lot of pinned topics at the top of the page, dealing with just these issues of medication and pregnancy. One called The most up-to-date on BP and Preg caught my eye. It has an article: Bipolar Disorders and Women: Special Considerations. An Expert Interview With Adele Casals Viguera, MD. In this interview, the doctor says:

"Lamotrigine ( Lamictal ) is considered a newer-generation anticonvulsant, and the pharmaceutical company established an international lamotrigine pregnancy registry. It just released the findings, which involved over 400 first-trimester exposures to lamotrigine monotherapy. The overall risk for major malformations is about 2.9%, which falls between 2% and 4%, the baseline risk for major malformations in the general population. I always educate my patients that we're all at risk for having a child with a birth defect. When you evaluate these medications, you have to ask the question, "Do they increase that baseline risk?"

So far, of the anticonvulsants, lamotrigine seems relatively safe..."

Please do talk to your doctors about what medications you could safely take. It doesn't appear to be a "you-can't-take-any-meds" situation anymore.

I care about you and want you to feel better. I'm sure we all do.

Take care,

revlow

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It sucks to be raging mad. When I was pregnant with my DD we didn't know I was bp. My first trimester was AWFUL. No one could stand to be around me. I was like you, wondering why people wanted to change me. I swore up and down there was NOTHING wrong. Mercifully during my second and third trimester I felt GREAT. Maybe things will get better on there own as you get closer to your dute date. Right now I'm working with my pdoc to figure out what meds I will take when we try to have another child next year. DH wants me to go without anything but I don't think he really knows what that will mean.

I'm medicated but I just can't get along with my DH. He tells me I complain too much. I tell him he's being to sensitive. We can't even be in the same room together for more than 2 hours without someone having hurt feelings for leaving the room. I reread this and I laugh. We can barely stand each other and I talk about wanting another child. lol. I know it will pass, it always has in the past. Give me new medication to make me "nice" again. Sorry if this kinda turned into a threadjack.

I'm sorry things aren't going well for you. I'll cross my fingers that things to get better.

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