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I can't be not liked.

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I've been diagnosed BPI, and I suspect myself of having a whole hatful of personality disorders.  Especially avoidant--I am painfully shy and can barely bring myself to talk to anyone I don't know really well already.  I am TERRIFIED of rejection.

I am nice to everyone because I don't want anyone to dislike me.  And then when I do realize that people don't like me, I break down.  I realize this is immature and that there's no way I can go through life being liked by everyone, but it still really hurts when people dislike me for no reason.  Take my roommate, for example--we were roommates last semester for about three weeks and then she moved out after failing to get me kicked out just because she thought I was a "creepy fat lesbian" (so? I'm glad I'm not stupid enough to have tried to get her kicked out for being a bitch).  I was always nice to her, even though she was the roommate from hell (playing loud, nasty music in the middle of the night, baby-talking to her boyfriend while I was trying to sleep--in retrospect, this was probably an attempt to get me to leave, which I didn't do because I had no place to go).  And she hated me.

I take this as a personal failure--on some level I realize that if I haven't done anything to lessen the quality of anyone's life, it's probably more about them than about me.  But it still really hurts, and I resent being called "gross" just because people are ignorant and don't even try to get to know me.  I always give people the benefit of time; I guess it's just as ignorant of me to expect people to actually not be complete assholes.

Silly me.

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so how much time you got?

no really...are there any groups that you could volunteer with that you would have the time for

say walking some dogs at a lunch break?

My ideal being that maybe being around folks who cared about more than just their narrow little lives (roomie that has the freaking time to try to make life miserable for you)

would be nice to be around

or say a non-profit counseling/health center, or???

Of course it hurts by the way because you are a caring person. I always loved being around my fav cousin because she was so freaking rude to folks, it's how I always wanted to be but was too 'nice'--even to the assholes. Not Billie Jean nope she told them all to fuck off.

So what do you say to my idea? Surround yourself with caring folks

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