lochia Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 First, I'm in US and 44 years old.As a kid, always was sort of high strung and anxious. Had some depression as a teenager. First panic attack I can clearly recall was when I was in college and it was completely ridiculous. I had perfect grades up until my senior year and had a panic attack over a slightly less than perfect grade. I knew right away it was a panic attack, but I couldn't seem to control it.Years pass, I'm married. About ten years ago I caught my now ex wife cheating. A spiral ensued. About three months of crippling panic and anxiety. I couldn't escape it. It followed me into my sleep. From that point I was always anxious, and every few months I would go through panic periods. Wake up in a panic state and it would last all day. I couldn't control it. I couldn't think my way out of it. Because I couldn't get what I knew logically to align with what I was feeling I thought I was going crazy. It's truly terrifying.After three years of this I knew from research that a panic attack is a physiological flight or fight response to inappropriate stimuli so I tried to work off that adrenaline/energy by working out. During this time I looked up what liquor has the least amount of calories as I still wanted to enjoy a drink now and then but wanted to keep my fitness up. I discovered vodka.My gosh. What immediate relief. The drinking continues and continues. That was about seven years ago. Well, guess what? Now I'm an alcoholic with a panic disorder. That's just awesome; alcohol ultimately exacerbates panic. I quit drinking in April and finally sought some treatment from a primary care doctor. I was put on an anti-depressant and took leave from work. Things got worse.I stayed sober. But became increasingly depressed, isolated, and agoraphobic. A therapist had been telling me since June that I needed to see a psychiatrist. I didn't listen. I just didn't want to admit that I actually have a mental illness. Finally in late August I relapse in a spectacular manner. Lost my job for the first time in my life and finally went to see a psychiatrist. In the US, we can see doctors immediately, but boy is it expensive.He put me on some new medication. Not an anti-depressant, and so far it seems to work wonders. It's hard to put my finger on it now, but I feel hopeful. I haven't felt like this in over a decade. Perhaps this medication will stabilize me enough so I have the mental ability to concentrate enough to manage the panic myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt07 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Welcome to CB! I'm glad you joined us. It sounds like you've been through a lot. Congratulations on stopping drinking because drinking is the worst for mental health even though it feels at first like the best. I too was in the habit of drinking everyday during my last episode which just continued my spiral downward. I completely understand the agoraphobia and the depression. That's me. I'm glad you found a med that is working for you. Do you mind if I ask which one it is? Just curious.Anyway, welcome again to the boards and if you have any questions, feel free to PM me or any other staff member and we will do our best to help. I am looking forward to seeing you post on the boards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lochia Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 Initially primary care put me on just lexapro. Like I said, things got worse. After spectacular relapse, went to psychiatrist. Now on effexor and gabapentin. I think it's the gabapentin. I've done more reading on it, and it scares me a bit. Don't wanT to be on it for long. But something has definitely changed. I have cried with relief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt07 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I'm so glad it's working for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crtclms Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Why are you scared of gabapentin? All drugs have side-effects, most of which you either won't experience, or are minor. If you have a bad response to the gabapentin, that's one thing. But don't believe everything you read on the internet, and therefore throw over a potentially helpful med. I'm moving this to intros. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lochia Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 Why am I scared?Tolerance. As I said, I have not felt this way in nearly a decade. I could practically cry with relief. I fear it will lose effectiveness. Potential for abuse. I am an alcoholic. I have propensity to chase a high to drive the panic away. I'll need to make sure I don't. Withdrawal. I don't want to be on it forever (but will, if it's required for me to finally start living my life again).None of this means I'm going to throw it away. I've just started treatment after finally admitting to myself that I am completely unable to manage the panic without help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt07 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Gabapentin is not a schedule 3 or 2 drug which means is has little or no potential for abuse. Tolerance is also much less an issue. Not saying it can't happen, but it is much less an issue. Gabapentin is NOT a benzo so you don't have to worry as if it is a benzo. Gabapentin is technically an anti-convulsant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I can relate to you on the anti-depressants not having the expected effect. I have taken them all, it seems and they managed to mostly turn me into an anxious, sad, tired, lazy hermit. I finally asked for a Benzo. I had to fight for it because doctors are so scared of prescribing because of abuse. I have NEVER had a history of substance abuse yet doctors still fought me on it. I finally found a, of all things, GYNECOLOGIST, willing to prescribe Ativan. I took it when necessary, got off my other meds and felt like a human again. I stopped taking them after about a year because i felt as though I didn't need them. Flash forward to 3 years ago, I was a mess. Anxiety, panic, depression, all through the roof. I was put on Celexa by my GP. My anxiety was mildly better for a little while, but I had to keep upping the dose because it didn't help after a few months. I was up to the max dose and my life basically consisted of laying in bed, work, eating, not sleeping, gaining a bunch of weight, and closing myself off from everyone who I wasn't required to deal with. A hermit. Again. I finally pushed for the Ativan again and I got it. I don't even need it to function on a daily basis. Sometimes just knowing I have it there if I need it, makes me feel safer. Good luck to you. Stay positive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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