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stupid holidays, I'm drinking my ass off and sick


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;) family members dying, guilt trips from hell, ptsd memories too much available booze and I'm back to not being able to keep food in my stomach and pooping bile. I'm such a smart girl. Can't go to the hospital. I just can't take the contempt and jeering. I'm gonna die if I can't keep clear NON-ALCOHOLIC liquids in my stomach any better than yesterday.

I just feel like a stupid dumb-arse...I KNEW better and I plunged in anyway. Will somebody please just come shoot me. Social phobia keeps me from being able to go to AA and I don't want to spend the rest of my life climbing the ladder just to fall...I really hate myself.

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Sorry to hear the holidays are feeling so rough for you. 

I feel the same way, and have been drinking more than planned.

We don't hate you  ;) ...try and be a little easier on yourself.  This is a hard time of year for most everyone on the planet because family tends to bring out the best and worst. 

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;) family members dying, guilt trips from hell, ptsd memories too much available booze and I'm back to not being able to keep food in my stomach and pooping bile. I'm such a smart girl. Can't go to the hospital. I just can't take the contempt and jeering. I'm gonna die if I can't keep clear NON-ALCOHOLIC liquids in my stomach any better than yesterday.

I just feel like a stupid dumb-arse...I KNEW better and I plunged in anyway. Will somebody please just come shoot me. Social phobia keeps me from being able to go to AA and I don't want to spend the rest of my life climbing the ladder just to fall...I really hate myself.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Panz,

I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten, both mentally and physically.  Please, if you still can't keep NA liquids in your belly today, go to the hospital.  I don't believe the people there really regard you with contempt and they are not jeering, this is your depression and anxiety talking to you.  What they tell you is not at all the truth, don't listen and don't let them keep you from getting help and healing your mind and body.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.... 

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I just feel like a stupid dumb-arse...I KNEW better and I plunged in anyway. Will somebody please just come shoot me. Social phobia keeps me from being able to go to AA and I don't want to spend the rest of my life climbing the ladder just to fall...I really hate myself.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Panz,

How are you doing?

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;) family members dying, guilt trips from hell, ptsd memories too much available booze and I'm back to not being able to keep food in my stomach and pooping bile. I'm such a smart girl. Can't go to the hospital. I just can't take the contempt and jeering. I'm gonna die if I can't keep clear NON-ALCOHOLIC liquids in my stomach any better than yesterday.

I just feel like a stupid dumb-arse...I KNEW better and I plunged in anyway. Will somebody please just come shoot me. Social phobia keeps me from being able to go to AA and I don't want to spend the rest of my life climbing the ladder just to fall...I really hate myself.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Panz,

We are in this together.  My drinking is out of control as well.  Last night I let myself slip again and was so upset with myself that I sat there on the couch in hysterics with a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, contemplating ending it all.  I hate what I've become.  Let's pull ourselves together and resolve to get better, if not for us than for our family and those around us.  No one hates you for having a set back, trust me, I've had hundreds of set backs in the past few months.  I've started over so many times only to fall again.  We have to pick ourselves up and try again.  You and I both know that we have to quit in order to save our own lives from spiraling out of control.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  I know we can do this.  If you want, we can be support buddies.  You remind me how horrible the consequences of drinking are and I'll remind you.... :)

hugs,

Marisa

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