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MindAway

I'm 27 and have no dating experience

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I have no experience in dating. I have social anxiety, GAD, depression, and very poor social skills. But I have a job and finished with college already. 

Should I start out on dating websites? And my therapist said it is easier to date people from your own race. Is this true? In my region, I am the very few minority here, but I am very open to inter-racial dating.

I would like to point out that I am still living at home with my parents, and probably I wouldn't get a date at all due to this. I cannot afford to live by myself any time soon, due to my student loan bills, and the very expensive rents out here.

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I don't think it's easier to date someone of your own race.  Shared values, yes, but that's it.  

I would start out with social interests - I met my husband through a running club.  We were friends first, so by the time we got around to dating, things like MI didn't matter so much.   You already know each other.

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And my therapist said it is easier to date people from your own race. Is this true? In my region, I am the very few minority here, but I am very open to inter-racial dating.

I don't think race has anything to do with dating.  If 2 people (and 2 different races) are comfortable with each other and want to date, I don't see the problem.  Did your therapist say why she thought it is easier to date people from your own race?  I really don't think it is her business who you date.

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When I was younger, I found it easier to find people to date by doing group activities that I enjoyed.  You don't have the one-on-one pressure that you do with a date. If you don't find anybody that you'd like to get to know better, at least you're getting out and mingling and perhaps you will find your social anxiety getting better since usually there are other people doing a lot of talking and if you don't contribute much people will kind of expect it when you're new.

I used to go on group hikes, or play card games, or coed sports.  There wasn't any meetup.com back then, and you may want to take a look at it to see if there's anything interesting in your area.  Many churches have single groups, but that's a bit of pressure because everybody knows everybody else is single and looking.

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I was 28 when I had my first date. I met him on a dating site and I was scared, but I went.  I'd suggest seeing if there are any dating groups in your area like on meetup.com.  If you aren't comfortable meeting someone in person right away, don't feel bad about it.  If the person is pushing you to meet up, they aren't worth the stress.  Meet up when you feel ready.

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I'm 31 and the longest relationship I had lasted 4 months. I tried online dating and i had some success with it when i lived in Pittsburgh. I dated a woman when I was living with my parents but I couldn't sustain it because of my depression. I had nothing to offer her. One good thing about geodon is that it kills my sex drive so I have no need to date. 

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Well today at the courtroom I was eating lunch at a table in the cafeteria by myself, and this girl approaches me and asks me if she could sit opposite of the table (since all the tables were occupied. After a few minutes, she initiated conversation. She asked me questions like "If I work there? Are you [enter ethnicity]?" I asked her some questions too, and one of my questions was whether she was working there too or just serving on duty, she replied neither. She showed me a poster of Mario Woods and told me she was there to provide support to him. We then talked about interests, colleges, jobs, favorite 90's tv shows, etc. She said thank you for allowing me to have her sit down on my table. I then asked for her phone number (because I felt a connection- but a complete error on my part!). She looked at her purse and told me she doesn't have a phone, but she wrote down her email address. I have emailed her this afternoon and still no response. I guess she was telling me to just piss off, I'm not cool and young like her. And she lied about not having a phone.

I should have said seat was taken. 

I'm not really pissed off at myself for making a huge mistake, but when I compare myself to people younger than me who have high paying careers, independent housing from parents, wedding plans in a ridiculous mansion, unnecessary vacation plans every year, etc., I feel really low. Here is an example of one I found: https://www.theknot.com/us/alyssa-guijo-and-eric-halili-may-2016

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I'm sorry that happened.  I don't think it was a huge mistake.  You had a good conversation with someone!  It would have made me anxious to talk to anyone.  But you did! 

You're right, it can get a person to the point of feeling low when hearing about the high paying careers, independent housing, weddings, etc.  It makes me not want to get in touch with them again.

I try to take it as a grain of salt because I'm doing the best I can, given the circumstances.  But part of me does get annoyed. 

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