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OK i've been mostly on the cocktail board, but my doc has finally given me a sortof diagnosis.

He isn't 100% sure but he thinks I'm mixed state manic depressive.  Best way i can describe it is I'm adhd and chronic depression.

Here are the symptoms:

1.  Chronic insomnia since age 13 max of 4-6 hrs sleep a night

2.  Chronic depression that would just happen

3.  Self hurting and self hating

4.  No sense of self

5.  Hyper mind can't slow down (  i thought the greatest invention was Bloomberg w/ all the scrolls.

6.  Restlessness, boredom, no interest.

7.  About 15 yrs ago i had a major psycotic break

8.  Major issues of duality including hate myself +love myself

9.  Apathy

10. Dissassociative moments

I can go through any of these and a few more in a day and it was getting progressivly worse.  So about a yr ago I finally went for treatment.  I go to both a pdoc and a therapist who work together on my case.

Meds I presently take

when i wake:  300 effexor, 450 wellbutrin, and 200mg provigil

2 hours later:  Metadate cd 30mg

when the metadate stops working about 3 pm I take lamictal, just started the orange pack

in evening i take 1-3 mg klonopin.

Meds no longer take

xyprexa, risperdal, remeron, zoloft

You make the diagnosis, and suggest meds, this is not a online dating profile

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Heya numbone,

OK no diagnoses from me.

We all know by now that I think diagnostic boxes in DSM are nice, and make *me* at least feel in control of my brain, but in the end matter **immeasureably less** than what actually *works* to make us better.

I *would* wonder about some variety of bipolar, but then I'm biased b/c I'm bipolar.  If so, it's in the rapid-cycling-mixed domain of the NOS catch-all.

My psychobitch (DH's word, not mine, but sounds about right) of an ex-therapist would forget about diagnoses and tell you you're an adult child of something. 

Whatever that means; lots of adult children of whatever are okay, and I'm freaking bipolar, so that in itself doesn't help.

I'd also think about personality issues -- the North American term for what I might be is schizoid, which I hate, and for rapid-cyclers with some of the symptoms you mention is borderline, which is a crappier word than schizoid.

Are your current meds and therapy helping?  If so, don't worry too much about the dx.

Just do what works.

In fact, I'm more than willing to be mis-dx'd if the treatment accidentally works anyways.

PS.  I don't know what Metadate is, maybe we don't have it here, what's its generic name?


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From what you wrote, it sounds like you are just starting Lamictal. Give it time to work. And I agree with ncc, the dx isn't as important as finding what treatment works.

Keep posting and asking Qs here.



PS: ncc1701, according to rxlist.com, Metadate is Methylphenidate. Looks to be long acting. Brand names: Metadate ER = Ritalin-SR; Metadate CD = Ritalin LA.

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If you really want a know-nothing non-md like me to have fun and give you a dx...I would probably go with borderline personality disorder. Every symptom you described is so dead on. You'll find the dsm criteria on the personality board, or just google it. --which doesn't mean you're not bipolar too. But judging by the medication you're on, I would kind of think you'd be in a major manic episode by now. You're on antidepressants/stimulants up the wazoo with the exception of the lamictal which is sometimes used for refractory depression. Once again, I'm no pdoc.

Like everyone says, just focus on what works and getting stable first. And don't forget to keep the therapy in there as a strong component of your healing.

best of luck,


edited to add: As for quack med advice, the usual drill for a bipolar is you start with an anticonvulsant or lithium. Sometimes you also combine with an anti-psychotic. This alone often takes care of the anxiety/insomnia/racing thoughts/depression. Then you can add something more uplifting/stimulating, only if needed. But, lotsa folks here found their set through different paths.

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