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my main suffering revolves around violent images, urges and what ifs. Believe it or not, the "what ifs" torment me the most.

There's no way it can be anything but OCD yet my brain makes me feel like there is still more to these thoughts than just OCD.

I get so scared that I HAVE to act on these thoughts for some reason. Like maybe God wants me to because the scarifice of one person I love will save others. Maybe God put those original thoughts in my head so I would start thinking about death in the first place. Maybe God is putting these thoughts in my head now. Why am I thinking like this? It sounds like the way someone who's delusional would think and I don't meet the criteria for delusional - or do I? Well, no pdoc has diagnosed me as being so so I don't think so. And no sane person actually believes that God puts thoughts in their heads so I also can't really think that, right? Plus, isn't this just OCD. And OCD is NEVER real. So if this is all stemming from violent images that seem to be OCD than this has to be OCD too, right? It can't be anything else can it.

I have unreliable "evidence" that God is asking me to do these things. But I also realize that this could just be my way of interpreting this evidence and it is not fact. I don't even know if I believe in God!

Am I crazy to think like this? Would I have to be crazy to honestly believe that God is putting thoughts in my head? And if this started out as OCD, which is never real, it can't just turn into truth suddenly? It's all just OCD, right?

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Luna -

God does not place thoughts in our heads, and He is not now asking you to do these things that disturb and confuse you.  God doesn't operate that way.  In the scriptures, when God decides to send a message, He leaves no room for doubt.  The fact that you are unsure, therefore, means that it isn't Him.  Instead, it's the disease talking, and it doesn't sound as though your meds are working for you.  Please call your pdoc and/or tdoc right away.  Ideation of harming yourself or others is not a good sign, particularly if you don't feel that you can prevent yourself from acting on it.  If you reach a point at which you believe you are about to lose control, call 911 or take yourself in to the emergency room if you pdoc is not available.

These thoughts you're having are not a part of your healthy mind, so treat them as symptoms of your illness.

Please take care.

Cerberus

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It's almost the sort of thing you can put on a card for your purse/wallet, or

hang on the wall - God will never ask you to hurt the ones you love.

Any time you feel you are being pushed to harm yourself or someone who

hasn't harmed you you can count on the very basic reality that you are in

pain  - especially if you can't feel it - and it is time to get help or at least

a time-out.

Call your doctor. If you can't get in to see him or her yet, and the thoughts

become more intrusive, harder to put aside - check into a hospital. 

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Hi everyone,

Well this thought has been floating around in my head for over three months and I have yet to act on it basically b/c it always stems back to OCD.  I know that my thoughts began as OCD and therefore any time I think of hurting someone else then it is OCD.

I really freak out though.  My brain spins and spins.  I must admit I am a little scared that everyone recommends me to call a doctor.  I've told my doctor and therapists about all these thoughts and no one seems too alarmed.  I guess b/c I make it clear that I know it's OCD and my mind playing tricks on me.  Maybe I didn't make that clear enough in my first post.  I was just really freaking out then and wanted outside reassurance.  This, of course, is never a good thing with OCD.  Reassurance is compulsive and I need to stop and accept uncertainty.

Nonetheless, it is good to hear that these kind of thoughts are not coming from my healthy mind.  I think it's just OCD, hopefully I'm not having a psychotic break.  I think I'm just obsessed with this idea b/c it's a scary idea to have floating around your head.

I don't feel out of control.  I get really scared though - that's for sure.  I am not hearing voices telling me to do this - thank God!  Speaking of which, I don't know if I even believe in God, which makes this even less realistic.  I always tell myself no matter what my head says, I have been diagnosed with OCD and OCD is never real and that is an excellent reason to never act on these thoughts or to think that I need to.  But I get scared anyways.

I guess the one thing I could be concerned about is a thought I had last night.  I really wanted to hurt myself.  Not kill myself but cut myself.  I've never wanted to do that before.  And you're right, an emotionally healthy person would not want to do that.  I just wanted to feel pain other than the pain my OCD is giving me.  I didn't do it b/c I thought OCD and self-injurous behavior is not a good combo.  And I still want to have some independence.  I really like my life other than the OCD thoughts and I want to live my life.  Any thoughts on how I can deal with that urge without having to give up any independence?

I'm sorry also if I alarmed anyone with my thoughts.  I know I have scary ideas running through my mind.  I wish I could just say "It's OCD, that's all" and feel better but I don't.

Thanks and happy new year,

LunaS

It's almost the sort of thing you can put on a card for your purse/wallet, or

hang on the wall - God will never ask you to hurt the ones you love.

Any time you feel you are being pushed to harm yourself or someone who

hasn't harmed you you can count on the very basic reality that you are in

pain

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