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Self harm


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To be honest I have been self harming off and on for about 5 years... I have recently relapsed and it's been bad . I have not cut in about 3 days but, only because I haven't had time because my boyfriend has been over my house and he hates when I do it. He tried to throw my tool away but I told him not to. I knew I would find something else to cut with anyway. I feel bad but I'm not ready to quit .... He really wants me to but it's so hard cutting helps me not feel so numb . It kind of makes me happy I don't know... I'm so confused . 

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Well, what ever your reason is for this post, you're in the right place since this board is really helpful with recovery resources.

Three days is still good regardless of the why. Recovery is a slow process so take it in steps.

If you don't want to throw away your tool just yet, why not put it somewhere out of sight and mind? Or somewhere it'll be harder to get to? Do this for everything you might use.

It might also help to consider reasons why not to do it (link is to a pinned forum post). You could make a list and put it near your tool. For example if your tool is in a cupboard, stick the list to the outside of the door where you'll see it.

Also consider things you do or can do as an alternative to hurting yourself. You've already said you don't si with your boyfriend around, so maybe you could talk with him to distract yourself? Any hobby or distraction as long as it doesn't harm you or others, really.

Just take it a moment at a time. Relapses happen, but they won't mean you failed.

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It makes sense to me that you feel that it's doing something positive for you - you wouldn't SI if it didn't.

Can you think of anything else in your life that makes you feel happy for a little while? I find it helpful to have a list. That list becomes "things to try before SI."

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