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Reawakening one's sexuality?


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I was on an antidepressant for years that absolutely killed my libido and robbed me of any enjoyment of sex.  I'm on Wellbutrin now and my drive is back and better than ever, but I'm sort of insecure about my sexuality now.

How have those of you who have experienced sexual shyness and insecurity dealt with these feelings?  I was raised by very uptight Catholic parents, so I am very shy about sex and find it hard to "let go" unless I'm drunk, during which time I become a wild woman!!!!!!!  But I really want to feel free and open all of the time, not just when I'm under the influence.  This is a really big issue for me and I just don't know how to deal with it, so I usually turn to alcohol, which is not a good idea for someone struggling with depression, I suppose.

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Hi devon00, are you in therapy at all right now and if so, have you brought it up with your therapist? If not, have you considered talking to a therapist about it?

Karen

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am, and I have...but it's such a longstanding issue and I have so many other problems I'm dealing with now (mostly depression and low self esteem) that it seems like there's never enough time to really get at the root of it. 

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I am, and I have...but it's such a longstanding issue and I have so many other problems I'm dealing with now (mostly depression and low self esteem) that it seems like there's never enough time to really get at the root of it.
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devon00:

Hi. Got a few thoughts here:

First off, I think everyone assumes others have more experience than they do, especially in our 20s. Not to take away from your own very real, personal experieces. Just be reassured that all these "differences" have a way of smoothing themselves out in the long run.

Secondly, not every man is impressed with someone who jumps into bed. The worthwhile ones will want you to be comfortable, as well as want you to be you. In other words, your real self...not some imitation who thinks she needs to follow some socially "accepted" timetable. And the others seriously can go take a hike.

You said: Even though I know people think I'm pretty, I don't think I ever developed a strong connection to my body and my self image, as it has changed so much over the years.

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revlow's made some really good point's and I agree, the right guy isn't the type who's looking for someone to put out immediately.  That's bullshit.  The right guy is someone who is willing to respect your boundaries and willing to take the time to go slow if that's what you want.

And believe me, as far as kissing, love making all of that stuff...everyone is different! Everyone likes things this way and that way...it's all about diversity because we are all unique.  So I wouldn't be too concerned about comparing yourself or thinking that you are "bad."  That's bunk.  The only bad lover is one who doesn't communicate with their partner! We all have different tastes and sometimes learning about that can be half the fun! The most important thing you can do is try to just relax and be yourself.  And not just sexually but personality-wise too.  I know it's hard and maybe even a little scary but relaxation is the key.

Remember good ol' Frankie Goes to Hollywood? It's all true... (soory, I just couldn't resist throwing that in there.)

Body image? Ugh.  Yeah, that's a toughie.  I don't think there's a woman on the planet who isn't completely satisfied with her appearance.  You're not alone there.  A lot of men suffer from these problems too.  I think they just express/deal with  it differently.  What it all boils down to is insecurity and self-esteem.  These are tough issues and unfortunately, I have no answers for you.  Just comfort, if you can call it that, in the fact that you are not alone.

However, on a bit of a shinier note, similarly to my lovemaking style point, peoples' attractions also vary widely.  Not everyone wants a skinny, runway model, blonde (or brunette hehe) bimbo on their arm.  And not all attraction is based upon the physical.  A lot of it can be for sure but we are more than just our physical selves.  If you're with a guy that's that shallow, you deserve a good spanking (and I don't mean of the fun variety) *wink*

Karen

Postscript: Oh, I missed the rejection part.  Well, you might have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're being rejected.  Turn the tables, and say that they're the ones' missing out on a good thing! Obviously, if they "rejected" you, right?

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some excellent advice.

i have grown out of a lot of shyness, grown not as in age or maturity, but personal growth.  It is possible, and it all relates to self esteem.  You must learn to like what is good about you.  And you must put into perspective what you think is bad, truly evaluating whether the negatives are unnecessarily slanted to the negative.

One thing that most helped me is honesty.  Honesty allows me to get what i want.  If you are honest with guys from the outset, that you want to take things slow and haven't much experience, then you can get the time and consideration you need.  If they don't like that, this isn't rejection, it's merely an honest statement of your priorities that people can choose to accept or not.  Your needs matter.  And accepting that is part of accepting your own self worth.

Self esteem is hard, but if you continue making the effort, it will become effortless.

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