Am I doomed to do this forever?

[Casnarl]

Hi, I've never posted on a site like this before so please correct me if I do anything wrong. 

I'm at a stage in my life where I don't have any friends I can confide in, and the last time my family found out I got screamed at so I'm not about to do that. Thus why I'm hoping posting here can help me a little. 

I have self harmed for about 7 years now. And as I get older I seem to get stupider and the self harm gets worse. It went from just scratches to digging motions to burning to losing control and finding myself with entire limbs dripping in blood. 

I so desperately want to stop. It is a dream of mine to go a year without self harm...but the longest I've ever been able to go in the last 7 years is 5 months. When I break the 5 months it's usually just a few tiny scratches that I don't bother to hide because you can't tell its self harm. But right now I am in my definition of a relapse. I've cut at least once a week if not more for the past two months and I can't make myself stop. But I really really want to. 

I have a boyfriend now and I'm trying to get a job, so I can't really hide anything I do unless it's on my legs, but my legs scar super easy so it's impossible to hide there either. 

I don't know why I can't stop. Every time I think I have, I haven't. 

Even if I try to get rid of my tools, I find new ones. I have tricked friends into giving me paper clips just so I could do it when I threw mine away.

I don't know what I am doing wrong. Why I can't stop.