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Anyone else have insomnia phobia?


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...makes me feel like a fucking lunatic.  Ever since my first major depression back in the 80's, which began with the mother of all insomnia trips, it seems like I've had some sort of insomnia phobia.  If I think about it its kinda run my life, stopped me from doing things, taking chances.  Like for instance I work part time.  I "can't" work full time cause what if I have insomnia and then I'll never be able to sleep again or I can't go on vacation cause what if I can't sleep in a strange place and I'll be miserable and I'll wind up not being able to sleep good ever...sounds strange but this is the demon I have in my brain which 1. makes me think I'm going crazy sometimes and 2. has made me think of suicide and 3. which has made me feel like I'm never gonna ever get better. 

Ya, I know it sounds bizzare but it's my fucking personality.

Sorry guys, but just wondered if anyone could help?  Kris.

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Guest FrannyNZooey

Kris, I relate with the job part, which my insomnia did cause burnt out, and me starting to be a bit more honest with what thought about the whole mental health care system, which I was a director of one of the programs.

That went over well.

So told back then by my therapist to take the nice easy part time job. I got weird hours, worked with very young, nice kids, but really thought going to pull my hair out. Again things came flying out of my mouth, some to be funny, some to be a bitch.

I feel black balled in my profession for my board room breakdown.

I do not want to hear about who got drunk and fucked who last night at my place of employment with my co-workers, so there go lot of those nice easy pt. time jobs. I know not all probably that bad, but God I want some substance in what I am doing.

And all over why can't I fall a sleep like the everyday people, and wake up like them. Why do I have to sometimes go days, then yes become whacked out moody bitch.

Sleeping pills suck, tried the new Lunesta too. Kind of joke calling them sleeping pills, I barely doze, then become just more irritable. Benadryl works better, which is not saying much.

Goodluck, let me know if anything works.

Aly

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I have the same thing going on.  Test tomorrow?  But what if I can't get to sleep?  And then I worry so much about getting to sleep that there is no freaking way that I CAN get to sleep.  It snowballs.  And yeah, staying over at someone else's house?  Etc?  No freaking way.

I have had some luck with Ambien.  My doc actually gave me a long term Rx for it, and it will knock ya out.  That being said, it started to lose its efficacy in the second month. 

Went back to benadryl recently and I don't even feel it now.  BAH!  (But that's not a bad thing... long term use gets iffy with benadryl, and have read several places that one shouldn't use it as a sleeping aid.  It did give me CRAZY vertigo.  Uncool.)

Anyway, what it comes down to is the thought pattern that we get stuck in, and then we're unable to get to sleep because of all the chatter in our heads... so really, the hypnotics are pretty helpful, as are some anti-anxiety meds. 

Good luck with that, I'm still fighting the battle.

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...makes me feel like a fucking lunatic.  Ever since my first major depression back in the 80's, which began with the mother of all insomnia trips, it seems like I've had some sort of insomnia phobia.  If I think about it its kinda run my life, stopped me from doing things, taking chances.  Like for instance I work part time.  I "can't" work full time cause what if I have insomnia and then I'll never be able to sleep again or I can't go on vacation cause what if I can't sleep in a strange place and I'll be miserable and I'll wind up not being able to sleep good ever...sounds strange but this is the demon I have in my brain which 1. makes me think I'm going crazy sometimes and 2. has made me think of suicide and 3. which has made me feel like I'm never gonna ever get better. 

Ya, I know it sounds bizzare but it's my fucking personality.

Sorry guys, but just wondered if anyone could help?  Kris.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kris,

I can relate to the insomnia phobia, though mine isn't really a full blown phobia. I don't sleep well at night, and I don't LIKE the NIGHT. When I'm insomniac to the point of staying up allnight it's awful, I just stare out the window watching the dawn break. Then I can sleep.

It's just such a lonely time. And one night like that is enough to keep me up the next night, and it becomes a cycle.

Even though my disability causes me terrible pain, I'm so glad I don't have to work anymore. It doesn't help me sleep better at night, but it takes some of the panic out of the situation. I don't like sleeping all day either, cuz then I miss the light!

Like right now? I wish I had a few shots of tequila, but I have addictive tendancies, and I refuse to raise my children as a drunk. Like I was raised. So I hang out here. Thank god for you all.

Suze

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I don't sleep well at night, and I don't LIKE the NIGHT. When I'm insomniac to the point of staying up allnight it's awful, I just stare out the window watching the dawn break. Then I can sleep.

It's just such a lonely time.

That's interesting.  I feel more relaxed at night because I CAN'T be out working and paying bills and making phone calls, and all the other things I should be doing in the daytime.

I pretty much do nothing day and night, but at night I have less guilt about it.

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