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I posted here a little but I felt like I was taking away from the original poster's questions/concerns so I thought I would start a new post with new concerns. 

My dr prescribed me 200mg of Lamictal on Oct 27th. I started at 100mg/day (1/2 of a 100mg pill, twice a day) for a week and moved to 200mg (100mg/twice a day, usually in the morning and before bed). Apparently this is a high dose to start with, but my doctor never said anything about that. Honestly, when I went to see her I told her my concerns about not having insurance, but I was also really concerned about continuing to go un-medicated. So I signed up for a healthy saver plan that the grocery store pharmacy offers which makes certain meds $4/month. Then we looked at the list of drugs I could take and Lamictal was on there so that's what she picked. It may be that that was the only dose that was covered. I don't know; we didn't discuss that. I know other people started off on lower doses. There is nothing I can do about the dose I started with; I'm sorry that it was so high but i didn't have a say in that. I know very little about medication and dosing. 

Anyway, I'm really concerned because I think I'm doing a lot worse than I was un-medicated. Part of the problem, I know, is that I lost a job that I loved, and coworkers that I got along with. Maybe that seems petty. But my new job is not bad or anything. I just don't love it, and I have difficulty connecting with the people I work with. It could be that it's still new (about a month into it). 

But I had started losing weight in April (not on meds) and I was exercising regularly, feeling motivated, eating better and taking care of myself. This continued all the way through to October. 

Now I've stopped exercising, I binge eat when I get home from work, I sleep more (12 hours today), I cry a lot, I send depressing text messages to my friends, I feel like killing myself. Like honestly, there is so much stuff that I -need- to do (for example, call to schedule an appointment to get my tires put on) that I just can't bring myself to do. 

I can't fix the life changes. I guess I should change the meds, but I looked at what's available on the discount plan and they are all meds I've tried and that haven't worked. I've read about treatment resistant depression (a little) but I don't know how many medications one has to try before they know it's "treatment resistant." I know that it takes a lot of trial and error to find what works. But how much is too much? 

I'm going to call my doctor for an appointment but I don't want to wait a month to see her for ten minutes. She may be able to get me in with the office psychiatrist but last time that took about two months I think. He is hard to see because he's not there all the time and there is only one of him. Last time he gave me a list of therapists to call but w/o insurance the charge is $75-$100 and I can't afford that weekly. 

TL;DR: I guess my starting dose was too high. Either way I don't think the meds are working and I feel like giving up. 

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I know you can't afford therapists, but as someone whose depression has been relentless through Lithium (though liraglutide has been somewhat helpful) what helped me was the 'b' of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).

I'm a runner, whose barely run all year.  I've been eating and gaining weight instead, which makes me more depressed.  I've had several major life changes which are stressful, even if they're good.

We started by identifying two things I did when I was well that I enjoyed, and then I committed to running 2X/week and hiking 1X/week.  As we've gone on, I've added in more activations.  I'm doing stuff every day now, sometimes big things, sometimes not, but it does help.  

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Yeah, I went back to the weight loss forum I have been a part of (but not really used recently, sigh) and read some stuff, and I am going to try to recommit to that. Focusing on counting calories (not in an ED way, I think, just a healthy weight loss way) and trying to find a way to fit in exercise will give me something to focus on.

I am a little disappointed that the weather is getting colder though :( And when I get home from work it's maybe an hour til dark, and my usual hike/walk takes about an hour. Time to go back to the exercise DVDs lol. 

I mean I know that exercise does help me feel better. It is just a matter of getting myself to do it. Exercise is a kind of therapy for me, in a way. And long walks give me time to think instead of act (especially when it comes to texting people in anger or being upset) so that's useful too. 

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FWIW, When I am trying to lose weight, I never count calories.  I watch the amount of sugar in my diet as well as the foods I eat.  When I count calories I find myself going back to eating disorder behavior, and I never want to go there again.  NOT saying that would happen to you, just thought I'd throw that out there.

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17 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

FWIW, When I am trying to lose weight, I never count calories.  I watch the amount of sugar in my diet as well as the foods I eat.  When I count calories I find myself going back to eating disorder behavior, and I never want to go there again.  NOT saying that would happen to you, just thought I'd throw that out there.

Yeah, I know calorie counting can do that for a lot of people. Unfortunately I'm the opposite. If I don't pay attention to that, I go way overboard and it goes back into my usual pattern of eating until I feel sick. I can understand it being different for some people though.

& I know it's about eating better, but I have trouble with that too, so for me I know I can eat small amounts of favorite foods if they fit in my range. I'm in a couple healthy weight loss groups on other sites and it helps me.  

Edited by hugbug
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