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What pattern does your psychosis have?


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As someone who experiences psychosis and is on the edge of being dx SzA, (currently BP I) I am interested in the pattern that people's psychoses have, and when they get them.

I get most of my psychosis when I am becoming depressed and when I am actually depressed/mixed. This usually takes the form of seeing dead bodies lying in the road, faces melting off people (including my own in the mirror), dark shadows, hearing muttering and voices. I also get delusions, usually around powerful people in society and on TV. Most recently I thought Clare Danes was trying to communicate with me through the TV because she was looking out for me. Donald Trump and Khloe Kardashian were plotting to kill me. Google had set up stock information just for me, so I couldn't trust anything I read online... I also get paranoid, see stuff like cameras in my eyes and think neighbors are plotting against me.

I get less psychosis in a high mood. I usually think I'm the best thing ever and I'll change the world with my plans, but I don't go super psychotic luckily. Well, one time I thought I could shoot energy out of my fingers, but that was a one-off.

I get breakthrough stuff when I'm not depressed or high. I hear voices, music, singing, interference from radio transmissions. I see things, but nothing too substantial. I also get shorter periods of paranoia. These seem to come and go and don't appear to be attached to mood or emotion or stress or anything.

Do other people get similar patterns? Is it always there, just in differing levels? Or do you have clear periods of no psychosis?

 

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I was initially diagnosed with bipolar over 10 years ago, but in the past years my psychosis has happened regularly outside of either high or low moods and seems to happen much more often than it did earlier on when I first was diagnosed bipolar. That's mostly what got my diagnosis changed to SZA. 

Although i have psychotic symptoms happening on low levels pretty much all the time (be it delusions or hearing things), It seem to be strongest during mixed states. Maybe it's because I find it harder to think through a situation and more easily believe the psychotic symptoms are reality.

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Most of my psychosis seems to happen when I'm depressed, particularly the hallucinations. Last year I had a bad episode of psychosis while depressed. It coincided with a trial of Lexapro (and for about a month after), so it's possible it was a bad reaction to that med. Outside of that, my psychosis is a pretty rare thing. I've had a couple of delusions while manic, and some voices while depressed. I hear some sounds occasionally when I'm not having an episode, but I don't think they qualify as hallucinations. Those I've had all of my life. I didn't have any delusions until about age 20, and the aural hallucinations started in my early 30s. At least I can't recall any prior to that, other than the noises.

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I'm the opposite, I'm mostly psychotic when I'm at the highs. I usually start feelin really good, I start quoting shakespeare and get out and propose to marry strangers with romeo and juliet quotes. But then the delusions and voices kick in... I believe I'm immortal and an angel starts talkin to me. The first time I had a full blown manic episode was when I was prescribed fluoxatine at 15. I believed I was destined to rule this world with my immortality powers. My grandmother was tellin me that I wasn't immortal and I tried to prove it to her, lets just say it ended as me gettin arrested with a knife in my leg and a copper punched in the face. 

When they were takin me to psych I thought it was a special place for chosen people..I was doped up heavily after that, then the blues came.

Last time I was manic which was last spring, I was saying that I was better than god and I was an omnipotent deity that can't die. I even got hit by car because I didn't look left or right thinking I was invincible.

There was a time last year though were I was depressed and I started having these thoughts about being old and I was older than I looked and that I was going to die soon. When the crisis team saw me they thought I was havin some sort of depressed psychotic break and they started lookin for beds. The next day though, I ended up in the ICU because I ODed on paracetamol, but then those thoughts were gone when I recovered from the overdose. When I got out of psych last year they said that it was just a depressed episode. I'm glad that those thoughts were gone when I was in there last year though..because I heard what they do to people with depression with psychotic features and it doesn't sound nice.

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