Jeffwell Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 AI've been battling suicidal ideation my whole life. But since last Christmas I've had five attempts that put me in the ER. Four which put me on life support. Almost every time except once they put me into a co-occuring unit here in my town. But to my failed promises and empty words. I always fall very fast. No I have absolutely no reason to live. I've thoroughly destroyed my life with these actions. And drug use. I'm sick of waking up in a bed a few days later hand cuffed so I don't rip out tupes. I have 70 Depakote ER 500mg and 30 150mg Trazodones. That I plan on taking after I write another letter. Will this work or will I wake up again? Please don't think I need attention. I'm so sick of hearing that from strangers. Who have no clue as to how much hatred I have for myself. It only ensure's my own self-hatred not pity. I did this and will make no excuse. I don't blame anyone. And don't deserve even these simple luxuries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt07 Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 DON'T DO IT! Self-hatred can be overcome. In fact, there is nothing that can't be overcome. Whatever the reason that you hate yourself so much for certainly doesn't deserve the death penalty. Life as it is is short. Don't shorten it further by taking actions that can't be undone. I was once where you are. I ended up in the hospital. After a lot of intensive therapy and a boat load of meds, I'm now at the point where I am grateful that I did not succeed. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding the right cocktail. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffwell Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 1 minute ago, jt07 said: DON'T DO IT! Self-hatred can be overcome. In fact, there is nothing that can't be overcome. Whatever the reason that you hate yourself so much for certainly doesn't deserve the death penalty. Life as it is is short. Don't shorten it further by taking actions that can't be undone. I was once where you are. I ended up in the hospital. After a lot of intensive therapy and a boat load of meds, I'm now at the point where I am grateful that I did not succeed. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding the right cocktail. Thanks for your input. As I've stated I've done a lot to not be here. But to no avail I'm here again quicker then before. There's nothing to do except accept these horrible realizations that I am flawed so fucking bad that I'm sick of trying. I'm far weaker then I used to be and this shit which is inevitably coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt07 Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Why do you hate yourself so much? What is so terrible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffwell Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 19 minutes ago, jt07 said: Why do you hate yourself so much? What is so terrible? Sorry your wasting your time just like every person whosebever spoken to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt07 Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 I don't view it as wasting my time. That's why I am here. I am interested in what is so bad with you and you aren't giving much detail as to what is the matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wooster Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Hi Jeffwell, It's so frustrating to be trapped in a life of pain with no viable solutions. When any animal is in pain it's only natural to look for escape. When other options don't seem available, being dead can sound pretty appealing. And as you've figured out, it's actually pretty hard to actually be dead. The body has the impulse to keep living. I have found this website to be helpful and nonjudgmental: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ I hope you take a moment to check it out. Let us know how you're getting on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Discomfort Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 7 hours ago, Jeffwell said: Sorry your wasting your time just like every person whosebever spoken to me. You're not going to find someone telling you you're attention seeking here, lots of us have been in the same position as you. Obviously you came to this site because you're looking for help now allow yourself the time you deserve. The things you're feeling are not you, it's the illness talking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I hope you'll come back and talk to us. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt07 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I sure do hope you're ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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