Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Rejection hurts


Recommended Posts

I am starting to also wonder if I'm "too nice" and this is why guys sometimes lose interest.  There are all of those books now (like The Rules and Why Men Love Bitches) that tell you that guys don't like a girl who is too nice and easygoing...but the thing is that I do not like to play games and feel they are just manipulative and a waste of time.  What do you think?
I agree with you.  You have to be yourself, otherwise, the relationship is pointless.  Well, worse than pointless, it's unhealthy to put someone else's desires above your own.

Have you made a list of the characteristics you want in a guy?  Of what you need?  Which things are dealbreakers?  Focus more on whether the guy is measuring up to your standards, rather than vice-versa.

Yeah, it sucks to be alone on NYE, but it would suck more to spend the evening with a jerk.

I'll bet you have other female friends who don't have a specific date for NYE.  Maybe you can all hang out somewhere.  But don't drink and drive.  And don't get drunk and let some drunk guy take advantage. (Been there, done that.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First of you are a unique wonderful work of art which has never existed before and will never exist again, no more of this 'I'm not good enough stuff'. I know you don't feel good enough and you're thinking 'what a crock' but I only speak the truth  ;)

I found The Rules very helpful in turning me from a doormatty girl who would do anything and withstand much abuse from boyfriends to someone who was far more assertive, though if you have a tendency to get obssessive and ritualistic I would say stay away, that sort of book will make it worse. It's fake it until you make it stuff, you basically pretend that you're a hot dreamgirl a la Marilyn Monroe, and then get out there and live it. It involves all kind of silly stuff like wearing lipstick and perfume and going to singles events which may not suit you, but it's fun to experiment. The general principles of those books are:

Have a busy full life which *you* enjoy, and confidence in yourself as a hot, aodrable, lovable, sexy, delicious person

Accept or reject a man as he is, don't try to manipulate or change him

Look at what a men does more than what he says, and work on that

These are quite general principles that will help you as much in the office or as a stepmom as they would in dating, having self esteem, boundaries and being willing to deal with reality rather than living in a fantasty land are all good. However this idea that it is manipulation is misplaced, you cannot 'trick' anyone into liking you, the rules were more about filtering out men who were disinterested/in it for sex/going out with you because you had asked them out/confused about whether they were ready for commitment etc. They do tend to attract very alpha, over ardent, competitive men who are ready for marriage NOW. Which may not be what you want!

New Years is a time of re evaluation and a time where we are expected to sit back and celebrate our lives, and I am feeling the singleness aspect as much as you are. But it is far better to be alone than unhappy with someone who doesn't care for you. As for this guy you're dating, you need to ask him what the deal is, and see if his explanation matches his behaviour. He could be:

*confused about what he wants

*unsure as to how you feel and unable to show more affection until he is reassured.

*not into you but not sure how to say so

*really shy

*preoccupied with a private problem that you're not aware of

Or any combination of the above. Asking and potentially breaking up is painful, but it's like ripping the plaster off a cut, rather than what you're doing at the moment, which is slowly peeling it off and sticking it down and peeling it off, and sticking it down,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...