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(TW) The ER stay


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So, to preface this. I had a pretty horrible 3 day hospital stay. Most of the staff were just ignoring me and the resident pdoc was plain rude, cutting me off several times when I tried to explain how I was feeling, saying it wasn't plausible.

 
She said hospital visits aren't good for me. I explained that I had plans of taking my own life. This was brushed aside and I had left the hospital an hour later. 
 
So I went home. Stopped by the pharmacy, went home and just ingested it all. Most of it was a liquid tranquilizer since I lacked prescriptions for anything else.
 
I went outside after that (for some reason). When I felt my tongue going numb and breathing became harder I freaked out and called the ambulance. 
 
So, ER. About 20 people staring at you and there's EKG cables and IV being attached. As well as eating medical charcoal and other things I don't want to talk about.
 
Then moved to an observational unit. Here I was refused my meds ("we can only give you 400 mg seroquel"). All the while I feel horrible and extremely nauseous. Something wrong with oxygen in the blood too I think they said, memory is kinda vague about all this.
 
At 2ish am a pdoc arrives and I'm ushered into this room and have to talk about how I feel and if I still want to die. 
 
Moved to a psychiatric observational unit. Yet again no meds but I got a sandwich, yay. Off to bed. I can't sleep. Aside from all physical symptoms I just felt so numb. 
 
So, I get up and after a while enter another pdoc. She repeats "hospitals aren't good for you" and half an hour later I am leaving the hospital. Total stay was a bit more than a day.
 
There has been no follow up on this (this is a bit more than a week ago now). I have a scheduled appointment in two weeks. And I really can't talk to anybody about this. 
 
I don't really have a point to this, I just needed to vent. Sorry for the lengthy post.
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Hospitals are strange. My only experience of one (back home in the US) lasted a little over 2 weeks. What was weird is patients who had attempted suicide were ushered in and out over a period of 2 days max. I saw so many of them come and go while I was stuck there day after day, not suicidal in any way, with no reason being given as to why I couldn't leave. I know i was manic and a little weird, maybe a little weirder than I remember, but still... you'd think their life and death priorities here would be a bit more logical.

Anyway, sorry for your struggle. Is your regular pdoc better suited to you than the ones in the hospital?

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I know people who have been told the same thing about hospitals not being good for them. But they are the type who use them like every other week. They never wanted to be discharged either. 

I am not sure why certain people are told things like that. If they threatened that they felt suicidal then I think they do need help. 

Im not sure why you were discharged so quickly after attempting to kill yourself. I am sorry you feel like you didn't get the help you needed and deserved. Do you have no or bad insurance? I have seen people get kicked out of IP in a matter of days for this reason. It's really not fair.

But for whatever reason they don't think hospital stays will be good for you. Do you have a good tdoc? Because for me personally, being IP has never solved anything or fixed anything for me long term. What's paid off for me is hard work in therapy and the meds too help but they don't do it all. I try like hell! It's not easy at all. I battle it every minute of every day. 

You are strong. You called for help after your attempt. That's takes courage. I bet you are way stronger than you know. Work with your outpatient team to stay safe and get better. Good luck! 

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