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Sometimes I Feel Like I Come Across as a Crazy Person


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It's so frustrating.

I have unremitting severe double depression that is treatment resistant. I'm quite literally fighting for my life.

So often that sounds dramatic.  But the truth is - it's accurate.

My only regret of my failed suicide attempt over 5 years ago, was that I made a silly mistake, and it failed.  I actually had to think it through and forgive myself for the mistake. ..To realize it wasn't my fault.

But I'm still fighting.  So, when events occur that threaten my abilty to maintain my MI regime, I fight.  Anyway I can.

Because it *is* life and death.  Take away all hope of treatment - That's my breaking point.

But I fear like I come across as overly dramatic and worse.  That won't stop me -- my life matters more than anyone's opinion of me... but just as much as it's necessary, I feel it's prone to backfire.

Recently, the sliding scale PCP office (which is the only place I can get all but one of my MI meds) told me on the phone that they had increased their per-visit cost from $15 to $20, and although the site states that they won't turn anyone away for inability to pay & they offer payment plans.... The office said I'd instead have to pay $10 a visit min, prior to any appointment to get seen.

Because this is the sole place to get my meds, and I can't afford that.  I google-fu'd a board member's email, and contacted him about the issue.  Mainly the discrepancy between the company statement and office statement.

Turns out, I go in, and it was all BS.  (I probably just dealt with a better person).  But I could choose my payment and wasn't turned away for not paying half.

This was weeks ago.  Now I get a reply that it was fwd'd to some office manager.

Think they'll hate me?  I do.  Fucking A

I'm going to come across horribly for simply fighting for treatment.  Because I had no other option, I thought.. Cause that bitch was an idiot. (And, yes, she was beyond rude)

Ugh.

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  • 4 weeks later...

sure, that can happen, it sucks. and it can happen to anyone, medicated or not, diagnosed or not. that's just a part of human interaction. and again, it sucks, particularly when you become aware of it or when you start making assumptions about what others think of you and stuff.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 12/16/2015 at 5:44 AM, Cetkat said:

It's so frustrating.

I have unremitting severe double depression that is treatment resistant. I'm quite literally fighting for my life.

So often that sounds dramatic.  But the truth is - it's accurate.

My only regret of my failed suicide attempt over 5 years ago, was that I made a silly mistake, and it failed.  I actually had to think it through and forgive myself for the mistake. ..To realize it wasn't my fault.

But I'm still fighting.  So, when events occur that threaten my abilty to maintain my MI regime, I fight.  Anyway I can.

Because it *is* life and death.  Take away all hope of treatment - That's my breaking point.

But I fear like I come across as overly dramatic and worse.  That won't stop me -- my life matters more than anyone's opinion of me... but just as much as it's necessary, I feel it's prone to backfire.

Recently, the sliding scale PCP office (which is the only place I can get all but one of my MI meds) told me on the phone that they had increased their per-visit cost from $15 to $20, and although the site states that they won't turn anyone away for inability to pay & they offer payment plans.... The office said I'd instead have to pay $10 a visit min, prior to any appointment to get seen.

Because this is the sole place to get my meds, and I can't afford that.  I google-fu'd a board member's email, and contacted him about the issue.  Mainly the discrepancy between the company statement and office statement.

Turns out, I go in, and it was all BS.  (I probably just dealt with a better person).  But I could choose my payment and wasn't turned away for not paying half.

This was weeks ago.  Now I get a reply that it was fwd'd to some office manager.

Think they'll hate me?  I do.  Fucking A

I'm going to come across horribly for simply fighting for treatment.  Because I had no other option, I thought.. Cause that bitch was an idiot. (And, yes, she was beyond rude)

Ugh.

If one voice speaks up about a group saying absurd things who is to say the majority are the rational ones?  Help help me help me sail away give me two good reasons why I ought to stay?   On a sunny afternoon.  In a sunny afternoon... in a sunny afternoon

 

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It really sucks that in the richest country in the world anyone has to worry about MD copayments or affording meds; my sympathies to you Cetkat. Question to you and HAL9000 who both have double depression which is treatment resistant; have you tried the "older" antidepressants like Nardil? I have double depression and my pdoc wants me to try Nardil but it scares the crap out of me due to severe dietary and medicine restrictions. Love to hear if you've tried it.

 

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