Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

Would you consider letting people know that you sometimes have a hard time telling if other people find your questions intrusive or nosy? And you'd appreciate it if they could let you know when they see you doing it?

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anna, I could have written this question!  I have to tell you what my therapist has said *to me* about trying to find that line between personal dysfunction and OCD:  isn't questioning yourself constantly just another way of indulging the OCD?    (and I know she would say that, because she's annoying and often right)

In this case, is it possible that you don't want to be a nosy person so you're desperately trying to figure out the reason so you can stop?  What I've found is that I can't ever know for sure if it's me or the disorder, and frankly I'm no longer sure that's the right question to ask ourselves.  Truth be told, I have a lot of reasons for my behavior and simply having the knowledge hasn't magically cured me of anything. 

Making better choices is what stops an expression of a behavior.  Sure, in the long term knowing the reasons behind our behavior can help provide motivation for change, but...  in the here and now, which is all we have control over, I find it best to change my actions.  This philosophy has given me visible results.  (And then I do the is this my disorder vs is this my fucked up self dance in therapy, where I have a spotter.)

The first step is noticing when you're asking a lot of questions: catching yourself.  Then I check that against reality:  do I have any reason to believe this specific person's anomalous behavior is going to be dangerous to me?  Is their behavior upsetting me in other ways?   

Then, finally, when I'm pretty sure that it's just my relationship-OCD flaring up again, I decide to change my behavior, and stop asking questions.  Or, since a conversation is a two way street, maybe I can tell them, "sorry, I don't mean to be nosy!" and then share something personal in return.

Edited by saveyoursanity
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 12/20/2015 at 9:26 AM, saveyoursanity said:

Anna, I could have written this question!  I have to tell you what my therapist has said *to me* about trying to find that line between personal dysfunction and OCD:  isn't questioning yourself constantly just another way of indulging the OCD?    (and I know she would say that, because she's annoying and often right)

In this case, is it possible that you don't want to be a nosy person so you're desperately trying to figure out the reason so you can stop?  What I've found is that I can't ever know for sure if it's me or the disorder, and frankly I'm no longer sure that's the right question to ask ourselves.  Truth be told, I have a lot of reasons for my behavior and simply having the knowledge hasn't magically cured me of anything. 

Making better choices is what stops an expression of a behavior.  Sure, in the long term knowing the reasons behind our behavior can help provide motivation for change, but...  in the here and now, which is all we have control over, I find it best to change my actions.  This philosophy has given me visible results.  (And then I do the is this my disorder vs is this my fucked up self dance in therapy, where I have a spotter.)

The first step is noticing when you're asking a lot of questions: catching yourself.  Then I check that against reality:  do I have any reason to believe this specific person's anomalous behavior is going to be dangerous to me?  Is their behavior upsetting me in other ways?   

Then, finally, when I'm pretty sure that it's just my relationship-OCD flaring up again, I decide to change my behavior, and stop asking questions.  Or, since a conversation is a two way street, maybe I can tell them, "sorry, I don't mean to be nosy!" and then share something personal in return.

Thanks, that's a very helpful response. I'm going to try to curb my own actions, because you're right- I can't control my screwy brain, but I do control what I do. I think giving my friends permission to call me out and language for doing it should also help. It could become a crutch, but maybe it will be helpful in the short-term. 

I have another question- does relationship-OCD effect friendships as well as romantic relationships?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While I believe the theory of Relationship OCD specifically speaks about it being romantic partners, I personally have noticed people with relationship OCD expressing it most towards their intimate companions in life, whether romantic or platonic. 

Based purely on my laymen experience and logic, I would argue it seems more likely that if your "r-ship OCD-like behaviors" only express themselves towards one type of relationship, there's something about that type of relationship that's more anxiety provoking.  It could be trauma-related or lack of knowledge-based, depending on yr specific anxiety triggers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...