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I've given up with relationships - Maybe it's just not to be


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I am 30 years old, female, Indian. I have never had a relationship. About 5.5 years ago I got diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I thought well no one will accept me with this so might as well give up dating altogether. I got re-diagnosed as schizoaffective, bipolar. About a year ago I thought I'd try dating. So I've met two guys. But just never clicked well enough to go further than the first date. But recently I have been feeling like I need to give up on it again. Who the hell would accept me with schizophrenia AND bipolar. I was talking to this guy via messaging and I got cold feet and told him i was not ready. But then I messaged him back explaining I had scchizoaffecctive. He didn't respond. The stigma is too big in the Indian community even the psychiatrist told me not to mention it straight away. I have always been single  so i dont know any different. But I wwould have liked some companianship. My confidence is super low and I am really starting to feel depressed about the whole thing.

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I'm of the belief that there's someone for everyone. Like you, I don't know who would be wanting to date me because of low self confidence in myself I struggle to see my positive sides. I'm 24 about to turn 25, a guy and have never dated once, maybe it won't happen now but there's always the next year, if I continue to build on myself as a human being I might get there. 

If it does turn out that I am formally diagnosed with psychosis then it's definitely something I won't be telling anyone I date for a while, I would want them to get to know me for who I am and despite the cards I've been handed, I able to cope.

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I would have to say don't give up on finding someone special to share your life with. It seems to me there are people on here who have found relationships after being diagnosed. I  would definitely not tell someone right away about your diagnosis. In fact, I think this is good advice no matter who you meet. Let them get to know you as the person you are first. 

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I told my husband on our second date, but he and I were friends beforehand.  You want some sort of connection, but you don't want to not be honest with who you are either, and MI is a big part of that (for me, anyways).  Don't give up, if it's what you want.

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I believe you will find someone who will accept you just the way you are. Youre mind is a powerful think and if your heart wants it and is ready your soul mate will find their way too you. Im sorry your feeling down but dont beat yourself up over this and make sure you accept amd love yourself because once you do these things if its meant to be it will :) i will pray for you to find the one.

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I am bipolar but wish to give my input if that is ok. 

I ruined my marriage by continuous rageful manias. I would have left me too if I could. This was 26 years ago. Early on I often tried to have new relationships but each one I would get a manic episode and the relationship would end ugly. About 20 years ago I stopped trying. It wasn't fair to the men or myself so I stopped trying. My life is much more pleasant now without the constant bad episodes.

 

it is a decision everyone has to make for themselves.

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3 hours ago, Savannah said:

I am bipolar but wish to give my input if that is ok. 

I ruined my marriage by continuous rageful manias. I would have left me too if I could. This was 26 years ago. Early on I often tried to have new relationships but each one I would get a manic episode and the relationship would end ugly. About 20 years ago I stopped trying. It wasn't fair to the men or myself so I stopped trying. My life is much more pleasant now without the constant bad episodes.

 

it is a decision everyone has to make for themselves.

I completely agree. It Is a decision you have to make for yourself. 

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You don't need to give up..there truly are accepting people in this world that would happily be with you. I know it's hard. I have trouble wanting to just throw everything out there including my diagnosis within moments of meeting people but I think it's best to hold back on that..until trust is built.  

I've always had low self esteem and then throw on a mental health condition to explain  and that just complicates things further. How I cope with this is by allowing myself to accept that I can't change my condition but can manage it. I try not to look at the big picture of things but deal with things one small step at a time. There's times that are easier than others.

I understand your frustration. Life is complicated at times but not worth giving up on..

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I really hope you don't give up on love. I've always had anxiety and depression, which my husband was fine with. A few months before our wedding, I started hearing voices/sounds. I thought he would leave, and I told him he could. We weren't married yet. He chose to stay, to marry me. 

My point is, people will surprise you. Someone will surprise you. You deserve to be accepted, 100%, perceived flaws and all!

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