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I'm not sure if I want a relationship or if I want one because that's whats expected of me


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I have sza, bp type. i struggle with relationships. I am not sure if I want one or i want one because its expected of me. I've approacched 30 years and never had a relationship. i don't know why. i was on a dating site and got a request from someone. I found out he was a psychologist so i told him everything before i even met him. i've been talking to him some but i am not sure i want to meet him. this happens to me everytime. it's difficult for me to get myself to the first date let allone get past that fiirst date.

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One really cool thing about this guy is there is probably no one who knows better what he is getting into.  At least in a general sense.  Which I guess I'm trying to say is that the typical person will have little to no clue about BP etc.

Someplace I heard "sex is easy"  "Relationships are hard"  Relationships are probably worth their weight in gold.  Hookups?  Ahh  not so much.  I would just be upfront and say your not super comfortable with dating and ask him if he has any low stress ideas on how you can try doing something.  

 

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getting to and through a first date can definitely be challenging. have you had any luck before with anything, even if it didn't turn into a relationship? If so, is it something you think it would be worth trying with this new person, if you decide you want to meet him?

one somewhat unconventional one that I did with a somewhat recent ex-girlfriend was meeting up in a sports bar to catch my favorite football team, which had the night game that evening. She loved football and wasn't partial to any team, I loved my team, and we thought it might lead to a good conversation. We ended up deciding to meet somewhat before the game so that we could get the conversation going, which was helpful, and then enjoyed the game together. obviously this only works if you have a sports team of any type that's currently on tv and that the other person likes--but it was one idea.

not to sound too therapist-y--but the one thing I've had a therapist ask in the past in a somewhat similar situation was whether I could identify where specifically the hesitation was coming from? Was it fear or anxiety, and if so, of what? etc.

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I can only say what I do that helps on dating sites. I try to meet soon, just for a short coffee date, with the goal of having a pleasant conversation. Then if it doesn't work out, I haven't gotten my hopes up. I have found expecting more from the start is a setup for disappointment. I don't think it's helpful to wait long to meet, because expectations seem to get built up. Also changing my profile now and then after some thought was helpful. I don't know what you would be happy with, but I enjoyed having a lot of coffee dates, even if it only led to a small number of 2nd or 3rd meetings. Also, I have never looked for an instant match, that helped. To me, online dating works best if you actually meet people, but don't expect too much the first time. Not sure what would work best for you and your situation.  

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Have you thought about the possibility of not needing a relationship? Is it something you really want? There's nothing wrong with not being paired off, if that is how you prefer it. I'm not saying don't pursue relationships, if that is what you want. I'm just saying don't do it if it isn't really what you want.

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