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what if what is, isn't?


Guest just me

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Guest just me

Okay, so I've been ms. hyper-screwy for...maybe 14  years now? They don't know what to call me. I still function, most of the time. I'm a "tough kid," I believe is the clinical definition of that, currently. Ex(?)-cutter, hyper-depressed...maniacally depressed, I tend to call it, *they've* called me everything from borderline (short lasting, while I was 17; only thing that fit was the cutting but was enough to set up a DBT thing with my shrink who, it turned out, was a DBT specialist...wonder where the dx came from??) to depressed to PTSD to bipolar. Bipolar is the newest, latest, and has lasted longest...about 4 years now. My dad's bipolar. He flips sometimes, and ends up trying to kill himself in random places, like grocery stores. Screwy guy, but his meds mostly work now.

New t...kid, actually, a cheap-o college deal; she's in training and I'm broke. But I like her, better than ANY t I've ever had. So I listen to her and she's lasted about a year and a half now.

Long story short. She's questioning the bipolar thing. My "up" doesn't last very long. Sometimes, it'll last for months and months, but that's not been the case for the past couple of years. Usually only lasts a couple of days. I'm highly irritable probably 4 weeks out of the year, usually lasting 1-2 weeks at a time. Get the worst spring fever in the world, where I'm UP. But that's only for about a week, too. Other than that, I'm mostly depressed. Sometimes "maniacally" so...where I have plenty of energy to do the terrible things I can think of and feel far too small for my terrible thoughts, but still definitely depressed. never ever had the grandiose thing.

Not sure what to make of this. It took forever for me to decide bipolar might maybe be it. But now I wonder. I don't know. I've done the up for weeks, fully psychotic for most of it, haven't eaten in...my record is 23 days...because I'm too busy. But that was long ago, about 6 or 7 years ago. I'm 25 now, nearly.

Lots of babbling, not a lot of substance. Question...how do you know?? She's just questioning it; wants to know how I feel. My feeling is *shrug*. I just don't know. How do you tell?

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Hi, just me:

Don't really know what to say to all of your concerns, but an excellent place to start, and which might have some answers for you, is: Mood swings without "manic" episodes: Bipolar II -- more than plain depression, but never delusional or psychotic. It focuses on BPII, but has a lot of information on the whole BP spectrum as well.

It's also very easy to read, in plain English. This might be a good place for her to educate herself about BP. Perhaps armed with knowledge, she won't question your diagnosis. Hopefully, she may also understand more of how it feels for you.

Be sure to read the list of 11 "Soft Signs" of Bipolarity, on the "Diagnosis" page. Just from what you have said, it sounds like some of these may fit for you.

So you've been diagnosed with BP for about 4 years now? Are you BPI? Have your meds been keeping it under control?

Take care, and best wishes in the new year!

revlow

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Hi. You really should read through the site in my post above; however, I am going to cut n' paste the "soft signs" of bipolarity.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Soft Signs" of Bipolarity

1. The patient has had four or more episodes of major depression.

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Your ups don't have to last very long. Mine last a few days. The other week I had a batshit crazy mania that lasted only a few hours, though admittedly it was drug related and admittedly I am a rapid cycler in that though I've had looooong depressions, they generally only last a few days too.

Basically I'm trying to say everyone is different. How do you feel reading the posts on this forum? I *knew* when I read through a load of stuff on here, and other forums, and it just fit. Then I read a shedload of things on the internet. I just related so well. I did the same thing with borderline PD, cos I'm cutter (though that's getting sooo much better these days) and I knew BP II and BPD were related, and at the time I was having 'just' hypomanias, read the DSM description, read in depth descriptions of the behaviours, and it just wasn't me.

Of course you can't dx yourself, but just have a read around and see if anything fits. That should give you somewhere to start.

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Just me, logged in now ;) Figured that bit out.

Thank you so much for this information. This pretty much targets it...except the sleep thing. I'm a weird sleeper. I'll sleep less than 5 hours, all the time, usually averaging between 3 and 5 hours of very interrupted sleep for weeks at a time. Sometimes, it goes less, and sometimes, I'll go as long as three nights without any sleep at all. Then I'll "crash" (in a different way, not mood-wise) and sleep for 12-14 hours one night, and maybe two nights in a row. If I'm depressed, I'll sleep about 8-10 hours a night. I don't know if that's the same thing. It's a lot more than I'm used to. I'm depressed right now; I slept 10 hours last night and just got up from a two hour nap.

But, again, THANK you.

Nobody ever told me if I was BPI or II. I left that dr. not long after the dx; the next one gave the same, but gave me this song and dance about how it's not important to know what your dx is, as long as you're striving to fix things. I'm not on meds, this is all me, fighting, and has been for years. Lithium's the only thing I liked that worked, but it makes my hands shake so badly that I can't work. I haven't struggled this long just to be blown out of my job, which I like and need very much, just to lose it to side effects. Sometimes, I'd like to go back, but I don't even know how anymore.

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daemongrrl:

Glad you're here, and that you've got that logging in bit figured out! (It can be a bear when you're new, eh?)

Two things:

1) Actually your sleep description fits with what they said. Read both #5 When depressed, symptoms are "atypical":

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