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Do you ever feel like you are NOT crazy?


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I feel uncrazy when I'm sleeping.  Does that count?  ;)

Seriously, I am glad the Lexapro taper is working for you.  I hope this newfound control endures.  Here's to the med change doing lasting good. 

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I am tapering my Lexapro and I feel so good! I think maybe it was making me MORE depressed (alcohol cravings/return of ED/depressed state).

I am down to 5mg and I feel so normal!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, I feel like I'm not crazy when I'm around my crazy fucking family. ONe reason I'm a bird that honks so much now is because I never WAS and still am not allowed to speak a single word of truth about how fucked up they all are. This belongs on family feud, but I'm not even going to give it that much energy. My Mom is a deluded bitch. But I'm the CRAZY one.

Jaysus

Glad you're feeling better. Be sure to have the requisite convo with the experts, check out your perceptions, etc. If you haven't already, which you probably have.

Huzzah! Feeling good is awesome, isn't it?

Hugs,

Suze

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I have the oddasional thought that, hey, I'm just normal and all that, and maybe I don't need these meds.

Then comes a time like back around August, when I was doing a med switch and wasn't quite medicayed enough.  Wheee, hypomanic city!

So yeah, I know I'm nuts without meds, and sometimes *with* them.

But hey, unlike many others, at least I have an excuse!

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I almost feel like I'm "normal" most of the time, It's something I've learned over time. I can just do all the normal things and even convince myself (almost). But then as soon as I'm in a situation where I can't maintain my "distance", where I have to deal with emptional issues, I start crumbling around the edges. If I even THINK about trying to get close to someone it triggers all kinds of anxiety, depression etc. So do other things that make me actually think about the things I've bottled up.

I guess I could almost be normal now if I hadn't decided that I'd had enough of being forced by my anxiety (among other things) to be a hermit and to finally try to deal with my issues. That has, on a lot of levels, made things overtly worse. But it's something I think I have to go through.

So, now I don't feel "normal" anymore and probably won't for quite a while.

Got my fingers crossed.

(and the boards for immoral support ;) )

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Well, still stuck with sleeze-doc and his minions, so I am now on--get ready--300 mgs. Wellbutrin XL in the AM, 300 mgs. Zonegran morning AND night, Restoril to sleep, and Klonopin 1 in the AM and one maybe about 4 pm if needed.

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I go through periods where I wonder how much of my "issues" are simply part of my personality - eg I wave my hands around when I speak, I'm able to do more than one thing at once (such as right now, when my husband is holding a conversation with me as I type)... does this necessarily mean I'm manic or heading into a manic phase?

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The biggest improvement for me was getting off Paxil a year ago, which was making me truly suicidal and SI. 

Everything since then has been pretty much uphill, though with a few setbacks.  A year into treatment, in the August time frame, I felt my writing and critical thinking skills starting to return.

About that time I was totally frustrated with feeling dopey, sleepy and slow minded.  I took a drug holiday that ended in three months when things fell apart. 

I am hanging on to the meds like a lifeline now.

Do I feel crazy?

Not so much anymore. Not like a year ago.  The biggest things that nag at me are the chest aching anxiety that grabs me over upcoming events, and the way my emotions start to roller coaster when I am short on sleep.

I now know what these symptoms are, but it frustrates me to no end that I can't will them away. My Pdoc tells me that I have to understand that the stressors don't really exist, it it just my mind that creates them. Uh huh, that doesn't F****king help when my chest is killing me.

On a more postive note, I am slowly working through problems in my life that I know are contributing to my stress and which contributed to my downfall a year and a half ago. As I whittle them down I hope that will ease my discomfort.

In looking back over the last two years, I can see a slow progress that I have made. Finding the right meds is difficult.  They do work, but you can't expect instant results in repairing atrophy of the brain that has taken years to accumulate. I worry that I will never be the same, and I probably never will be. But I'll take anything that keeps from the dark depths that I have been in before.

A.M.

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yes, often. It's so hard to tell sometimes, what's within your control, when you're just letting yourself get carried away under the name of bp. everything's so subtle and dramatic at the same time. so hard to tell if getting off meds is a good idea or if you really are as screwy as the docs say you. but pdocs tend to think anyone who walks in their office is screwy, right?

this is a tough one. and only my unholy fear of mixed states/depression keeps me on meds.

7

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In my current medicated state, I am perfectly happy never leaving my home.  I HATE going anywhere by myself and I miss my old independent self so much.

Wow.  I could have said this.  I used to travel.  Go to movies alone.  Be able to go to the store by myself.  Now?  It's a combination of things.  Overstimulation--I just can't handle all the sights, sounds, the people pressing in on me.  Just plain apathy.  I like being in my house, and don't want to break my comfort level to leave, unless I have to go to work.  I make myself go out once a week on an outing with my husband for the day.  He doesn't mind the way I am--he's a homebody too.

So.  Do I ever feel like I'm not crazy?  I feel not crazy about 50% of the time, to be perfectly honest.  I don't cycle much.  I haven't had what I'd call a major episode of depression in several months.  I haven't been hypomanic/manic in three years now.  I have very rare mixed states.  My meds haven't had to be adjusted in months.

Are things perfect.  Hell no, far from it.  What makes me feel crazy?  Not sleeping is the number one culprit.  Number two is too damn much stress from work.  Not eating right.  All those together and I'm sunk.

So.  It's a 50/50 deal.  LOL.

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I had posted this a while back and it is more appropriate here now:

Misc writings.

Sometimes I feel that I am living on the edge of sanity. Right on the razors edge about to be pushed either direction. Days present themselves as opportunities to walk that fine line and not fall off. To one side is that deep dark abyss of oblivion that I dare not encounter, the other side presents life.

Sometimes I feel that I am living on the edge of reality. Reality or what we perceive as reality is on one side, the other presents perceptions of life that we question. Is reality what I do every day or is reality what I dream? Am I going to be awoken one day to find out this has all been a dream?

Sometimes I feel that I am living on the edge of love. I walk that line over and over yet I feel that love is something that is never truly achievable. Is love passion or lust? Passion drives the spirit, lust drives the body. I prefer passion to lust but I can

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If you can still think "am I crazy?" your not..... go to a institution for the insane or a hospital that specializes in mental health... I have had to go a few times in my life and believe me the crazy dont know they are crazy and they can't tell the difference... So if you never come back to ask that question again well you may be crazy! lol

Feeling better from weaning off ADs may be temporary.. I have had this happen to me.. I think I have tried them all and had to stop them.. 90% of them by weaning.. I experience a temporary feeling of stable mood.. but eventually i fell back to the dark side and had to try again... Not to burst your bubble by that last line but what I am saying is to be careful.. I truly hope that the feeling you have now last for the rest of your life..If that is your picture, you are young and have a lot of life left.. Enjoy this time of Stability and always think positive!

peace!! ;)

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