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Depression is stealing my life


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Aggh, being depressed really sucks because no matter what I have in my life, I can't enjoy it.  It also has kept me from getting things that I want.

For me, being depressed makes it harder to find a relationship...dating sucks because when you first meet someone they always want to know what you do in your free time, when the truth is I do very little and mostly work and stay at home because I'm scared to try new things.  So of course I look like (and feel like) a loser compared to everyone else who has hobbies and lots of interests.

Being depressed has hurt my friendships because when I'm feeling down I'm not as much fun to be with and I'm self absorbed, so it's hard to be a good friend.  Plus, it makes me overly sensitive to "slights" from others.

Being depressed has hurt my career...it seems like most people my age make so much more money and have better careers.  (I'm applying to go back to school for a graduate degree, but I'm so scared!  So, I've procrastinated a bit with that, although I have completed 2 applications.)

Being depressed just colors everything in my life.  I can't enjoy things that I used to, like reading.  There's almost nothing I really enjoy except for shopping ;)

I have tried almost every antidepressant but the side effects always make me go off of them.  I guess I'm destined to be stuck with this horrible affliction forever!!!!

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I have tried almost every antidepressant but the side effects always make me go off of them.  I guess I'm destined to be stuck with this horrible affliction forever!!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You don't list what your specific diagnosis is. Depression makes us very self-centered, therefore making a difficult process for many (forming and cultivating relationships with others) almost impossible, when we are really low. You are NOT a loser.

I'm in my 40s and have had depression, dysthymia or however you spell it, chronically almost without any relief at all. That black cloud, blah feeling that just makes you feel like you're walking through goo. But, after I had my first child at 28, and had a post-partum MDD episode, I started going downhill. Slowly at first, another child at 35, another wicked post-partum and after that the slope got pretty slippery.

This summer I hit bottom and was locked up so I wouldn't kill myself. It was a turning point, that and Cymbalta, and I was relieved of my obsession to die. However, now I'm back to what I call garden-variety, plain vanilla depression. No suicidal ideation, I have hopes and committments for the future, but I still feel pretty crappy between the ears.

I think if I would have had the knowledge aforehand when I was younger to be more aggressive MYSELF, in insisting that my depression be recognized and treated, I might not have ended up here. So I guess the moral of the story is, don't give up on meds. Something new is rolling off the lines and robbing us of our meager bank accounts every day.

If you feel like you're not being taken seriously by your doctors, get their attention. When I was younger, I was ashamed to go to the tdoc/pdoc in my worst shape. I felt like I had to clean up and *front* well. That was stupid. These days I go in on my appt. days in exactly the shape I'm in, and if I haven't had a shower for 4 days, I tell them and obviously I'm not at my lovliest on these black days and they can see it. But I'm REAL with those guys. And if I think they might even be thinking I'm stabalizing more than I truly am because I do front well, I disabuse them of the notion.

I don't know if that makes any sense. I haven't been sleeping well again lately and I'm a bit punchy.

But what I heard in your post was myself a long time ago when maybe had I been more vocal and assertive about how shitty I really felt, I might not have ended up with recurring MDD.

It's a shame that all of us fighting this scourge feel like such losers because when you look at it objectively it takes an incredible amount of tenacity and courage to keep wading through the jello until you get what you need to feel better.

Keep us posted.

Suze

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It's a shame that all of us fighting this scourge feel like such losers because when you look at it objectively it takes an incredible amount of tenacity and courage to keep wading through the jello until you get what you need to feel better.
Amen, Amen, Amen!!!  And jello is a nice word for it. 
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Depression is stealing my life

well if you can catch it, punt it in the 'nads cos it's got mine too.

me five years ago? phd student doing research in antarctica.

me now? umm, living with parents, borrowing sister's car, working retail. woohoo. not.

having depression is like having a really slow bomb go off in your life. it has destroyed mine too. however, with crazyboards i have discovered a compassion i did not know i possessed. but yes, my life as i knew it is over.

welcome to the club you really don't want to be a part of.

grouse.

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Depression is stealing my life

having depression is like having a really slow bomb go off in your life. it has destroyed mine too. however, with crazyboards i have discovered a compassion i did not know i possessed. but yes, my life as i knew it is over.

welcome to the club you really don't want to be a part of.

grouse.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow, I'm sorry.

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hi devon00,

sorry, didn't mean to steal your thunder. i had such high hopes for myself. i am a hyper-perfectionist. so much so that no-one i know would EVER guess that i am because i hugely underachieve because i can't handle the level of anxiety it generates in me.

but ultimately i know what you mean, i really do. that's all i wanted to try to say really. i know what you mean.

but yes, crazyboards does have supernice people. and super good people that don't try to be nice, who just try to relate, and who do that so well.

it takes all types. and it really does take all types.

grouse.

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sorry, didn't mean to steal your thunder. i had such high hopes for myself. i am a hyper-perfectionist. so much so that no-one i know would EVER guess that i am because i hugely underachieve because i can't handle the level of anxiety it generates in me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No problem.  I actually have similar issues.  I go NUTS (inside) when I make a mistake or don't do something in the best way.  I get so stressed out that I end up making more mistakes or almost making myself sick...consequently, I'm at a much lower level job than I should be.  It is really annoying, especially when I see people who I KNOW aren't smarter than me experiencing greater success

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yeah, i know what you mean. there are people working city union jobs clearing debris from the side of the highway that make about twice what i'm making now. but then again i wouldn't want a job like that because i would get too bored. and i actually like retail because the organisation i work for is a non-profit cooperative and treat their employees very well.

but still, from promising career to 10.50 an hour still sucks. it hurts inside.

grouse.

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