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I don't know where else to post this, so I'm putting it here. Be warned, I'm super fucked up.

So I'm kind of scared right now, but I'm also not. A thing just happened with my family, and in all honestly, it was minor compared to the past, but still.

Sometimes when things happen with my parents, I can feel it. I get this anger running through me. And I want to end them. I want to grab a knife and carve the shit out of them. I want them to scream and bleed and I want them to hurt. I want to kill them and the idea of them not being around anymore makes me smile.

But it only last for a little bit. And then I go back to feeling nothing, except maybe vaguely annoyed and hateful.

Like I don't know if it's my Borderline that's causing the anger, or if the anger's just in me and my depression just makes it so hard to feel. Or maybe just a combination of the two.

But I'm scared that one day it'll happen. And then I'll be locked up in a psych ward forever.

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4 hours ago, BorderlineWintergirl said:

I don't know where else to post this, so I'm putting it here. Be warned, I'm super fucked up.

So I'm kind of scared right now, but I'm also not. A thing just happened with my family, and in all honestly, it was minor compared to the past, but still.

Sometimes when things happen with my parents, I can feel it. I get this anger running through me. And I want to end them. I want to grab a knife and carve the shit out of them. I want them to scream and bleed and I want them to hurt. I want to kill them and the idea of them not being around anymore makes me smile.

But it only last for a little bit. And then I go back to feeling nothing, except maybe vaguely annoyed and hateful.

Like I don't know if it's my Borderline that's causing the anger, or if the anger's just in me and my depression just makes it so hard to feel. Or maybe just a combination of the two.

But I'm scared that one day it'll happen. And then I'll be locked up in a psych ward forever.

I can relate to you. I have BPD along with ten tons of other shit wrong with me. I get INTENSE anger, seemingly from nowhere. It's also aimed mostly at my parents. Like use tonight for example, they had a Superbowl "party"(like 5 people were here) and my dad keeps Mountain Dew in the fridge and I keep my Pepsi Max in there too. I'm on food stamps, but I do not have alot of money, quite the opposite. So once everyone finally left, I went to get a Pepsi Max from the fridge, and they were ALL gone. I immediately yelled "WHAT THE FUCK?!?" I then proceeded to take the rest of my sodas upstairs to my room and made sure everyone seen me, while cursing the whole time. I've always said that when I finally get out of this house, I will never come back, even to visit. It's something about my parents, they just know how to make me psychotically mad. Well anyway, one day while thinking how I would never come back or talk to them again once I left(I'm 27 btw), for some reason some actual sense just hit me out of nowhere. My grandpa died a couple years ago, and eventually my parents are going to die too. As mad as they may make me, if something ever happens to them I would just be devastated. They still drive me INSANE. But life is short, and once someone dies it's too late to say sorry or anything at all you felt you needed to tell them. This is something no one really thinks about until something bad happens, and by then it's far too late. Sorry for going on and on. Also Xanax helps me a lot. I'm not pushing drugs here, they can be addictive, but anger can be dangerous if not controlled.

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OMG I know that feeling. I'm not necessarily an angry person most of the time but sometimes, with some people or things I go from 0 to 60 in a second. This anger just happens in my head so I don't physically express this unless I'm alone and that's when things get thrown across the room. Sometimes the trigger isn't even a big thing. Probably one of the reasons borderline traits has been thrown around for me. 

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I was able to lock up my angry side for long periods of time and when it came out, it was like a hurricane that left no survivors.  I turn into a werewolf.   I can't lock this side of myself anymore, so I am also scared of what I am capable of.   My mom is a huge target for me.   

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I don't express it, but I can feel really intense anger. I tend to turn it all inward.

I like IcePrincess88's story about the Pepsi Max because that is very similar to what has provoked me most frequently. I'm on food stamps, live with mother, sister, brother-in-law, two nieces, grandniece, and my sister steals food from me whenever she thinks she can get away with it.

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1 minute ago, Bellatrix said:

I don't express it, but I can feel really intense anger. I tend to turn it all inward.

I like IcePrincess88's story about the Pepsi Max because that is very similar to what has provoked me most frequently. I'm on food stamps, live with mother, sister, brother-in-law, two nieces, grandniece, and my sister steals food from me whenever she thinks she can get away with it.

I literally have to keep everything I buy for me or my kids in my room, because everyone will just eat it up! It drives me INSANE!

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Yeah, I keep most of my stuff in my room. The only stuff I can't keep in my room is refrigerated and frozen food, and I try to buy as much stuff I know my sister won't eat as possible. 

She's even stolen my catsup and mayonnaise. 

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