I wanted to self harm but instead I...

[Fluent In Silence]

I get thoughts about self-harming but it's been more than 10 years since I've acted on them. It is possible to ignore that crap, and there are better ways of dealing with how you feel. Talking to people is always good. I didn't have that at the time. Some perspective can be difficult to find when you feel shit. I don't know how to express the self-loathing and need to punish myself that I felt when I used to cut myself. It's wasn't a fun time. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I get it. Please don't do it. But I get it.

[mikl_pls]

Yesterday all day I wanted to self harm, but instead I slept pretty much all day. Eventually my best friend came over and hung out for a little while and I felt a little better but when he had to leave I started feeling worse than before. I told him to just take my car to go home since I picked him up. I'd just get my car the next day somehow. Waking up today, I feel much better with a clearer head, and can't figure out how and why I get into those spaces. It's like I'm two people.

[Blahblah]

On 2/14/2020 at 10:04 PM, mikl_pls said:

Yesterday all day I wanted to self harm, but instead I slept pretty much all day. Eventually my best friend came over and hung out for a little while and I felt a little better but when he had to leave I started feeling worse than before. I told him to just take my car to go home since I picked him up. I'd just get my car the next day somehow. Waking up today, I feel much better with a clearer head, and can't figure out how and why I get into those spaces. It's like I'm two people.

My last therapist told me Self Harm includes my habitual coping behaviors like: Negative ruminations, avoiding/procrastination and laying around/sleeping during the day... 😞

It now makes complete sense. I always thought Self-harm was extreme like: cutting yourself or engaging in risky behaviors, drug addictions, eating disorders, etc. But my behavior IS in fact harming me, quite a lot!! Can only lead to worse...Sitting around all day doing nothing, scrolling mindlessly on FB, no exercise, is very harmful on the body and mind.

Edited Monday at 09:54 AM by Blahblah

[Juniper29]

On February 20, 2020 at 6:23 AM, Blahblah said:

My last therapist told me Self Harm includes my habitual coping behaviors like: Negative ruminations, avoiding/procrastination and laying around/sleeping during the day... 😞

It now makes complete sense. I always thought Self-harm was extreme like: cutting yourself or engaging in risky behaviors, drug addictions, eating disorders, etc. But my behavior IS in fact harming me, quite a lot!! Can only lead to worse...Sitting around all day doing nothing, scrolling mindlessly on FB, no exercise, is very harmful on the body and mind.

I understand what your therapist is saying, but I don't agree ... As someone who used to cut ... when you are dealing with self-harm urges, sleeping can be an effective coping strategy. Pretty much anything that keeps you from cutting (or equivalent behaviors) is good. Sure, some coping strategies are healthier and more desirable than others, but we might not be capable of doing those better ones at the time.

[Blahblah]

13 hours ago, Juniper29 said:

I understand what your therapist is saying, but I don't agree ... As someone who used to cut ... when you are dealing with self-harm urges, sleeping can be an effective coping strategy. Pretty much anything that keeps you from cutting (or equivalent behaviors) is good. Sure, some coping strategies are healthier and more desirable than others, but we might not be capable of doing those better ones at the time.

I completely agree with you. It all depends on one's level of functioning...it made me feel horrible about myself, because there are MUCH worse ways to cope!! Sometimes resting is a great form of self-care when you are panicked or distressed.

This particular therapist was a strict DBT therapist and if you've ever filled out those redundant daily "Diary cards" it always asks your level of suicidal thoughts, urges and self-harm. I told him that I couldn't relate, I've never self-harmed (except like 20 years ago when I'd drink excessively). Then he said I needed to rate/mark everytime I procrastinated, had a negative thought, or used sleep for coping 😤  It felt like negative rienforcement having to do that (and I already punish myself enough)

[Juniper29]

7 hours ago, Blahblah said:

Then he said I needed to rate/mark everytime I procrastinated, had a negative thought, or used sleep for coping 😤  It felt like negative rienforcement having to do that (and I already punish myself enough)

Yikes! That would stress me out and make me feel bad, too.