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Becoming stable and scared of never feeling happy


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I have recently been going through a lot of medication changes spurred by oxytocin induced insomnia.  I feel like I have finally come off of the hypomanic ride I've been on for the past year and half since I had to stop taking Lithium.  I am afraid because I don't know what kind of happiness I will have now.  I don't know if the happiness I felt for the past year has been true happiness of getting over my mom's death and getting rid of an abusive relationship, or if I was just hypomanic.  I am afraid of returning to the kind of life I had when I did not experience hypomania, the time when I was on Lithium.  First of all, I was not stable then and I am afraid of going back to that.  I am also afraid of a world where I don't feel happy.  I feel like I was dead before I experienced mania.  Will life just be dull and normal?  Any advice from someone who has gotten rid of mania and likes it?  Will I still be able to enjoy music?  Will I still be able to dance?  Will I still be able to feel connected to the earth, the universe, and others?

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That sounds like how I felt when I was depressed for so long. I only had variations on depression. Finally, finally, after many med changes and a diagnosis change, I feel even, mainly, and happy. It can happen. I didn't enjoy the over impulsively and near bankruptcy that came with being manic or near manic, so that doesn't seem worth it to me. I hope you can find a good balance. I had concluded it just was never to be for me, I'm so glad I finally got better meds. Is it perfect, am I ecstatic, no. But I'm pretty darned good by my standards, for now, for the most part. My last pdoc told me some people were just always depressed, but I changed pdocs and that made all the difference. 

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That's how I felt for the past month, but suddenly yesterday I felt depressed again.  I had some feelings about my mom's death and my breakup.  Is it normal to feel sad like this?  Does it mean that that's what stability feels like?  I guess that doesn't make sense.  Stable people feel a little sad and a little happy, right?  Do you feel ecstatic every once in a while?  I have been feeling really happy once a day and then pretty happy all Saturdays.  Is this the way normal people feel?  Can I be this way forever?

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 I feel like I was dead before I experienced mania.  Will life just be dull and normal?  Any advice from someone who has gotten rid of mania and likes it?  Will I still be able to enjoy music?  Will I still be able to dance?  Will I still be able to feel connected to the earth, the universe, and others?

When coming down from mania, I tend to feel like I crash for a few days, then start to feel better slowly, after that.  When I felt stable, like in a realistic world, at first I felt like life was like 'what do I do now.'  And I felt lost. 

After getting rid of mania, and becoming stable, at first hated it.  I gave it time though and I became to love music again.  Given time I think you will be able to feel connected with the dancing, the earth, universe, etc.  It isn't something you'll feel right away when coming out of mania though (IMO).

I had to get used to being stable again, until I had been stable for awhile, and things got better.  It was a matter of getting used to stability for me.

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