I stalk my long distance friend on the forum we met each other in

[alana.santos123]

This has been happening for well over 3 years, just some periods of time more than others. Sometimes I won't do it for a month or so and I'll be doing it again afterwards. I can't say I've read every post they made, cause it's a lot, and I mean tens of thousands, but I have been reading recent ones posted after they took a break. I've also downloaded every remaining picture of them uploaded in there about half a year ago. Do take note that I am still having contact with this person outside the forum on a regular basis, since we are friends, but I haven't been in the forums in a while and I don't plan to log in anytime soon because I am disgusted with myself. But I can't stop doing it. I am so tired of going through this over and over. 

Edited March 29, 2016 by alana.santos123

[Southern Discomfort]

Yeah, I can relate to this a little. I've got a very strong sense of connection with a cousin of mine, usually I don't really care all too much for other people but for him it's different.. It takes a lot of energy not too let that crazy side take over because I don't want him to think I'm ...too weird. I think he must be like me, he doesn't want too much to do with other people either so I feel it would put him off a lot. 

[alana.santos123]

Yes! I'm glad to know someone else can actually relate to this on some level. That bit where you don't want him to think you're weird - I feel exacty the same. Sometimes I just want to disappear from this person's life without telling them because I keep on thinking things like "what if they find out that I ask for advice on forums about my relationship with them, etc"

This is the first time I actually stalked someone to this degree. If we lived in the same country I might actually have stalked them already. But at the same time I hate this person so much because while I know it's my fault for becoming this obsessed I want to blame them for indirectly turning me into this monstrosity.

Edited March 29, 2016 by alana.santos123

[Southern Discomfort]

You're not a monstrosity, but you do need to keep control of yourself. This sort of thing can damage relationships with people as I'm sure you no doubt are fully  aware of. Every day you're not engaging in this behaviour is a day of being a typical human being - you're normal. What ever "normal" is!