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Chantho

Depression episodes: how do they work for you?

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I haven't had a full depressive episode in a little over a year. For some reason I can't remember how I came out of it.

This time around I was in general depressed for a couple months. Then I spent a couple weeks to a month very depressed. Then I switched to full-on suicidal shit for the last two weeks. As of yesterday I suddenly felt better. Not happy or anything. Just not horrible.

Do you suddenly snap out of it when you move out of depression? Is it gradual? Somewhere in between? I'm worried this is just an illusion. That I'm going to sink back down again. I did have a good day last week, so this could just be another random "good" (okay, really) day. I just want this to be over.

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My last depressive episode was resolved by doxepin. When I got up to 200 mg, I noticed a slight improvement. But within a week or so of hitting 250 mg, I noticed a major change. I'd say it happened over the course of a few days. So it was not quite gradual, but not suddenly either. I think there was also another slight improvement when I reached 300 mg, but the main effect hit me at 250. In the past, my depressive episodes resolved gradually, imperceptibly over time, but then I never had an AD that worked before. 

I hope your depressive episode has come to a conclusion.

Edited by Flash

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Thanks Flash. My pnurse thought the Loxitane would do the trick. I didn't believe she was right, because I didn't see much of anything online that suggested it would work. Maybe she was right after all. I don't remember it happening semi-suddenly in the past. I kinda thought it was like you said. Gradually, imperceptibly over time. I'm hopin' and prayin'.

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It varies for me. I've suddenly snapped out of depression before (and almost directly into hypomania). I've had times where I snap out, then relapse a week later. I've had it gradually fade away. And I've suddenly snapped out of it into normal mood. Sooo... this is a very redundant response to say anything's possible, IME.

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Thanks. I'm not certain what to think of how I'm feeling. I feel hugely energized. I'm tired but can't sleep. Can't shut down my brain. Doing more than I have been. I was feeling great emotionally, and then I was suddenly very angry. Didn't feel a build-up of agitation. It just suddenly hit. Basically, I feel hypomanic, but I can't imagine that would be the case. I was just suicidal three days ago. How could I have that much of a jump that fast. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe I just have a hard time coping with distress, and basically I'm just a whiny shit. I don't know. I keep going back and forth. At moments I think, "definitely hypo." Then other moments I think I'm just full of shit. I want to tell my pnurse, but I won't see her for two more weeks. I wish I could see her tomorrow. I miss my old tdoc. I could text him. He could help me. But I had to move. He's the only thing I left behind when I moved that I really give a fuck about, and I can't contact him. I wish I could have just stayed in touch, but it's not like I could just use him for medical advice when I wasn't a patient. I just need someone I can text or call and get help, but I can't. I have no one IRL to help me with the burning questions that keep me up at night. I'm rambling. I should move on. Maybe a blog post is in order.

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I'd definitely be concerned about hypomania from what you're describing. You should really call your pnurse. She's going to be a much better resource than a tdoc for figuring out med issues anyway.

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When it happens to me I have to just ride it out.  Sometimes it takes about 3-4 days, sometimes weeks.

I agree with SashaSue ... I think you should call your pnurse also.

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I don't even know how to call her. She doesn't have an emergency line. There's a nurse line, but according to the automated system it's for questions about meds. Then again, this could be med-related, as I just started a new med. I don't know.

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Call it and let the nurse decide if it's med related?

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I like Woo's suggestion.

I also agree with SashaSue that your potential hypomania needs attention.  I have cycled from suicidal depression to hypomania within days.  Hypomania is so uncomfortable and the anger is really hard to cope with.

Try not to be so hard on yourself for questioning your mood states.  Its only natural that you would be concerned and want some answers.

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Thanks. I left a message for the nurses' office. Hopefully they will have some sort of answer for me. I hope it's not related to my new med. I really don't want to change yet again. But at least I've let someone know what's going on now. Thank you for all the great advice and whatnot.

Edit: I got a call back. The pnurse is not concerned about it. She thinks this is just my natural cycle. Admittedly I'm much calmer today. Maybe I just had too much caffeine yesterday. Today I've only had one Mt. Dew.

Edited by Chantho

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