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BlurredBoundaries

Corrupt-A-Wish

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I saw this on another forum and thought it would be fun! Here's how it works:

First poster makes a wish, second poster grants it in a way that leaves the first poster worse off than before and makes their own wish...

 

Example: 

 

Poster A-

I wish I could fly.

 

Poster B-

Granted! But you cannot land and you have to be constantly in the sky and eat flying creatures and sleep in the sky while circling it. No landing ever! 

 

Here is mine,

 

I wish I could dance.

 

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Granted!

But you have to walk around in flip flops constantly that are painful and cause your bunions to flare up.

I wish I had some chocolate ice cream 

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Granted! You have chocolate ice cream instead of white blood cells. Have fun fighting infection!

I wish my hands were stronger.

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Granted!

But they got so strong that you break everything you touch. Even  Agnes & Joe are afraid to go on walks with you,  so you all are stuck at home, not being able to touch anything ever again you must hire someone to do all your chores.

I wish I had a unicorn.

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Granted!

You will be so happy ridding it that eventually you will race the unicorn in a sunny field and unfortunately you will bump it.

This bump will throw you in the air and you're going to land on the unicorn's horn which will perforate part of your stomach.

I wish I had a private library of my own selection with thousands of tittles.

Edited by uncomfortable thoughts

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Granted! 

Sadly, the extreme right wing fanaticals discover it, leading to major protests to censor half your books. Eventually someone calls for it to be burned, and right wing fanaticals that they they are, they do just that. You're left with ashes.

 

I wish I could never grow old.

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Granted.

But that means you have to die young.

I wish I could travel to the Yukon.

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Granted.

As you arrive there you see the natural beauty of the north but something start growing on you and it's malignant neoplasm, the number one cause of death on Yukon.

I wish I could date every single woman that I want.

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Granted!

But one day someone's enormous tatas poke you in the eye causing permanent damage.

I wish I could go back in time to redo some things.

Edited by BlurredBoundaries

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Granted!

But the things that you get to go and redo are not yours to chose. Sometimes your current consciousness will wake up in your younger body on a completely random day, so while you will never have the chance to redo that first date, you will take a history test you failed in 7th grade over and over again. Happy Groundhog's Day!

I wish I could breathe underwater.

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Granted!

But that means you will grow gills and your lungs will atrophy and you will never be able to live on land again. Kiss your loved ones goodbye.

 

I wish I had a tax-free silver dollar for every star in the sky.

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Granted!

But the mass of all the silver dollars piling up over your home town throws off the Earth's orbit, and eventually the planet plunges into the sun and we all die.

I wish my cell phone got better reception.

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granted!

you get such great reception that you receive all of our cell calls too and have to listen to our pissy parents bitch about having grandcats raised by lesbians instead of grandchildren.

we wish we had a new car

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Granted!

You have a new car. And it is smart in every techy way a car can be smart. GPS. OnStar. Stuff you can't even pronounce. You barely have to do more than slap your ass down in the driver's seat before that car knows where you want to go.

But the problem is, the car begins to get a little possessive. It doesn't want you riding the bus, ever. If you do take the bus, you notice it's following you. It starts sending you texts when you leave it in the garage. It wants to know what you're wearing. You get a restraining order against the car. Eventually, after months of turmoil, you trick it into pursuing you into a junkyard, where you finally manage to have it crushed.

The good news is that, strengthened by your ordeal, you found an underground motor scooter organization that eventually overthrows Wall Street and goes back in time to prevent the invention of the 24 hour news cycle.

I wish I had a prehensile tail.

 

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Granted, but your prehensile tail attempts to strangle you so you are forced to remove it.

I wish I could eat ice cream for dinner tonight and tomorrow night

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Granted! But not only will you have ice cream for dinner tonight and tomorrow night, but you will be forced to eat high fat ice cream continuously for 48 hours straight thereby gaining a bunch of weight.

I wish I could travel from point A to point B without traveling through any of the points in between.

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granted!

however, you must now negotiate moving through all the sequential points, C-Z, in order to reach A-B with no-points-between...OR have your life morph into an asymptote.

we wish the Feline Five could clean up after themselves

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