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Corrupt-A-Wish

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Granted!!  But after they clean up they dump all the poo and pee in the middle of the kitchen floor.

I wish my sister would call me.

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GRanted!  But after you spend months and gobs of money getting the wine cellar built and buying all kinds of amazing wines, you have to move somewhere there is no room for cellar nor bottles.

I wish I would only eat when hungry.

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Granted!  But it turns out that a condition of that ability is having to eat something you find repulsive with every meal (an eyeball?  a lil' serving of brains?  whatever vegetable repluses you?)

I wish I were 25 again (I'm 36 now if that helps lol)

Edited by philosophin

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Granted!

But you have to live each moment exactly the same as you have lived them before. Nothing changes and no deviations. That means all mistakes, all MI episodes, everything stays the same.

I wish I could travel to the Amazon to shoot monkeys.

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GrantED! The flight is fine the people are great but you are eaten alive every single minute of the day by not only mosquitos but bugs that burrow into your skin.

I wish I could fly.

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Granted!

But alas, you fly too close to the sun, your wings melt and you plunge into the ocean. You forgot to wish you could swim.

I wish I could cook like world renowned chefs.

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Granted!

But as renowned chefs your status is merely seasonal, your skill to cook trends as time goes by will turn your food as something blend and common.

You'll be depressed thinking you lost your touch and forget how to cook a simple meal.

 

I wish Bernie Sanders had won the primary.

 

 

Edited by uncomfortable thoughts

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Granted!

But in the general election Trump beat him handily.

 

I wish I had a million tax free dollars.

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Granted! But as soon as the money is deposited into your account and you start to wonder where and when and how you will spend the money you realize life is just as depressing as before except now the hope is gone that money will make a difference.

I wish someone would weed and water and fix up my garden for spring.

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Granted! You cough up everything you wanted but your cough does not go away and you end up coughing up a lung.

I wish I could spend a year in space on board the International Space Station.

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Granted!

 

But, while you're up there you vomit every five minutes and the vomit sticks to your face inside the space suit and you suffocate on your own barf.

 

I wish I had 3 baby skunk pets who had their skunkinators removed so they weren't smelly.

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Granted!  BUT, Mommy Skunk has her skunkirnator still attached and in a fit of mommy hysteria breaks into your house spreading stink everywhere particularly inside all of the closets.

I wish my mother was able to love me.

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Granted!

But this alteration from their natural state causes them to become neurotic and depressed, and since your health insurance refuses to count skunks as dependents, you end up paying a fortune out-of-pocket in skunk pdoc and tdoc bills.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener! That is what I'd truly like to be...

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Granted!! But you have to listen to this song 100 times a day and by the first day you loose your weiner mind.

 

I wish I owned my own private island.

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Granted!

But as a result, human stop living in man-made dwellings at all, and competition for the small number of available caves sparks the third World War.

I wish roses grew in winter.

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Granted! But the petals freeze and fall off and they don't smell at all. 

I wish I could take Mr. Kitty with me when I run errands.

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Granted!

But Mr. Kitty is going to figure out how your credit cards work, and you're going to find some very strange charges on your bills.

I wish my nail polish dried faster.

 

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