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Corrupt-A-Wish

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Granted, but now the only gift you will ever get from anyone is a pair of socks. 

I wish that my phone battery wouldn’t die so fast 

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Easily granted! Your phone's battery now weighs 15 pounds and has to be recharged by contact with electric eels.

I wish I could go to Scotland.

Edited by Cerberus

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Granted! But you will be mistaken for that one guy who put Fergus’s brother in A&E that last time, and will need to depart with some alacrity in the middle of the night, leaving behind all of your things.

I wish my favorite tv program would come back on.

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Granted, but now it's all that's on, 24 hours a day, on repeat and every channel.

I wish I knew how to ride a bicycle. 

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Granted, but you discover there’s no bicycle lanes, and a car runs you over, splat. 

I wish I could make the day longer. 

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Granted. You are now a resident of Venus, where the day is 243 Earth days long. Enjoy the weather.

 I wish I could play the violin.

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Granted! You have Pied Piper-like powers, and everywhere you go, you will be followed by a troop of entranced armadillos.

I wish this damn cold would go away.

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13 hours ago, Gearhead said:

Granted! You have Pied Piper-like powers, and everywhere you go, you will be followed by a troop of entranced armadillos.

I wish this damn cold would go away.

Granted. But you'll get bubonic plague in its place (which is very treatable with antibiotics now)

 

I wish that the 2020s see a return to rock n roll 

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Granted. Unfortunately, the first band to produce a hit rock and roll single in 2020 is tragically and ironically struck by a large round boulder rolling off a mountain pass onto a road and flattening the tour bus containing them, their roadies, and their drugs of choice. Their demise inspires a New Age/Rhythm n Blues fusion anthem played on the Andean pan pipe by Yanni, and this starts a new genre of music that dominates the charts all year.

 I wish my teeth were immune to cavities.

Edited by Cerberus

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Granted! They are! because they are on a shelf in a tooth gallery frequented by dentists and tooth-enthusiasts or entoothiasts as they like to be called.

I wish that in the 2020s the fashion of the 1920s will all come back

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Granted! Enjoy Prohibition and the Lost Generation.

I wish I didn’t sunburn so easily.

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Granted! You now have to wear a spacesuit when leaving the house

i wish I wasn’t afraid of flying 

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Granted! Now you are afraid of walking.

I wish I knew where to buy a decent goddamn bra.

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Posted (edited)

Granted!  Now you are forced to wear one 24-7.

I wish I could conquer my social anxiety.

Edited by dancesintherain

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Granted. You now share a one-room efficiency apartment with a family of 13 in the teeming heart of Mumbai. Mind the traffic.

I wish I could open my eyes underwater.

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granted! as you open your eyes underwater for the first time, you realize that this is where you're meant to be. as you begin to spend your free time with your head in the water, looking at the weeds and the mud, you develop gills and webbed fingers and toes. one day you vanish into the sea without a trace. 

i wish for inspiration to draw again.

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Granted. But you develop a non-stop impulse to climb up onto billboards and cover the advertisements with your art when you should be working.

I wish my house were instantaneously organized.

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 Granted! But the organizational scheme is so complex that you still can’t find a damn thing.

I wish I had good eyesight.

 

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Granted. But you can see all the way into space and you can't sleep anymore because you see comets and space junk coming at you all the time.

I wish my dog would dig up money instead of just rodents.

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Granted! Your dog is now under arrest and facing federal charges for tunneling in to Ft. Knox.

I wish doing yoga didn’t hurt.

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