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Corrupt-A-Wish

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Granted! Not only is your office warmer, but much more humid. You are forced to abandon your current career and start raising orchids instead. You are allergic to orchids.

I wish this bracelet wasn’t too big for me.

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Granted. Your bracelet is now too small for you.

 I wish I could see supernatural creatures.

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Granted! You discover that there is some weird. shit. living in your neighbor’s garden. Human anatomists have never even had to coin names for some of the body parts you’re seeing. 


The plants next door are wonderfully healthy, but now that you’ve seen who’s really tending them, you think of all the tomatoes your neighbor has given you over the years with utter horror. You will never eat gazpacho again. 
 

I wish I could time travel.

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1 hour ago, Gearhead said:

Granted! You discover that there is some weird. shit. living in your neighbor’s garden. Human anatomists have never even had to coin names for some of the body parts you’re seeing. 


The plants next door are wonderfully healthy, but now that you’ve seen who’s really tending them, you think of all the tomatoes your neighbor has given you over the years with utter horror. You will never eat gazpacho again. 
 

I wish I could time travel.

Granted! You time travel to your future but accidentally bump into your future self. This isn't supposed to happen at all, but especially not what you do next, which is to intervene in your future self's life because you are disappointed with where you have taken yourself in the future. Despite your best efforts to shape up your future self's life, every effort and deed done to improve your future self blows up in both of yourselves' faces and turn out for the worst. You try to time travel back to your current life but because you intervened with yourself in time travel, you are stuck there with your future self in the disastrous results of what you thought were very great ideas for yourself.

I wish I didn't have astigmatism so my vision was easier and cheaper to correct with contact lenses.

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Easily granted! Your astigmatism is completely eliminated. Instead, you now have double vision and see two of everything - but the images are sharp and crystal clear!

I wish I didn't have such dry skin.

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Granted! You are now known far and wide as Oily Man.

I wish someone would pay my speeding fine for me. 

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27 minutes ago, MiaB said:

Granted! You are now known far and wide as Oily Man.

mia, this got such a laugh out of me. thank you.

and, granted! the local mob pays your speeding ticket. now, it's not the government that you owe, but Stone Cold Harry. what will it be, the money, or your little finger?

i wish i could leave work early today.

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Granted! However, for each hour you leave early, you are penalized 10 years of additional work.

I wish I was allowed to have cats 😺

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Granted. 126 cats now inhabit your living space, and they’re hungry all the time.

I wish I were neater.

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granted! you suddenly develop a deep interest in minimalism. everything that isn't absolutely essential must go. you get rid of your knick knacks, your books, your decor. you compulsively paint your whole house white. now your living room looks like this.

Image result for minimalist living room

you get lots of compliments! partially because there's nothing to do in your house besides sit and talk. you sit neatly on your charcoal couch and eye the bird sculpture on your sideboard. your eye twitches. no, leave it, it's artful -- or is it clutter? you decide to make a coffee to settle your nerves. you only have one mug. it sits cleanly on your espresso maker. you are forced to throw your coffee grinds out the window, because you have no garbage can. where will you sit to drink your coffee? the couch, with no reachable side tables to rest your cup? the metal basket chair, which has no cushion to interrupt its clean, modern lines?? your bar stools, where you can look upon your white kitchen with its white cupboards? you sit on your couch again, holding your mug. the bird sculpture haunts you.

i wish my back didn't hurt.

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1 hour ago, echolocation said:

i wish my back didn't hurt.

Granted! You are now an invertebrate. But before you can slither away to your new existence, you are captured by a scientist who goes on to win a Nobel Prize for discovering you.

I wish I had a thousand wishes. 

Edited by MiaB

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@MiaB i've always written, lots particularly in high school. dry spell through much of university. i'm trying to get back into it a bit. :)

also, granted! but you have to list them off one after the other, starting now. any repeats or hesitations will result in the evaporation of everything you've wished for so far. can you do it?

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Granted. But overnight your hair has turned into al dente fusilli pasta, and the birds really love it.

I wish I weren’t so sleepy.

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Granted! The ability to sleep has now been removed from you, even just to take a nap, but you don't "need" to sleep to heal your brain—it does all that automatically while you work! But your brain pines to dream again, yet you are so much more productive now! Just look at everything you're getting done!

Hmm... a wish... let me think... Oh!

I wish my beard were fuller, straighter, and thicker—not as thin and scraggly as it its now, especially on the sides. (I'm really asking for it with this one I know... lol)

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Granted. You are now a founding member of the band ZZ Top and are forced to play this song over and over, all day, all night long.

I wish I were better at painting my nails.

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Granted! But now you are too embarrassed to leave the house if all of your nails aren’t perfect. You see cuticle sticks and bottles of nail hardener when you close your eyes, and have semi-erotic dreams about fish pedicures. One day, the fumes from the acetone polish remover overcome you, and you pass out, thumping your head on the coffee table as you fall. When you wake up, you will have a complex case of anteretrograde amnesia. You will be unable to form new memories unless they involve nail polish. This life will be strangely relaxing, but people around you will tire of always having to find your car keys for you.

I wish Double Stuf Oreos were good for me.

 

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Granted, however in order for this to occur Oreo's change their recipe and the double stuffed oreos you once loved now taste bitter. 😢


I wish that I could run really fast, like super human fast.

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