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Corrupt-A-Wish

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granted! you now have six legs that allow you to run as fast as a car. your shoe expense triples, and pants are out of the question, as they no longer fit your unique shape. you are doomed to wear large, flowing skirts that get in the way of your speedy legs, or finding a very good tailor.

i wish i could stop picking at my cuticles. 

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Granted! You now have a peculiar form of Synesthesia that causes you to see print all over people, as if they’re newspapers. You’re forced to know everything about everyone. No one can keep secrets from you. You always know what you’re getting for your birthday before you open your presents. You even perceive little white lies, so all efforts at tact are lost on you. Other people’s fears and anxieties are almost as horrible as your own.

I wish these headaches would stop.

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Granted. But all the pain in your head mysteriously transfers to your right big toe, which swells to five times its size and ruins all your right shoes. Even the sandals.

I wish I were more physically flexible.

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Granted! But now you have time tick-tick-tickin’ in your head now. Nonstop. 

I wish I could keep my houseplants more alive. 

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Granted.  But now they are so alive that they start talking to you and demanding to be fed.  "Feed me... feeeeed meeeee".  Your home turns into a version of Little Shop of Horrors.

 

I wish my cats could clean the house and have supper ready for me when I get home.

 

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granted! the cats have meticulously licked all the hair and dirt off your carpets, and wiggled their furry bodies around your objects like a living feather duster. dinner is on the table, and it's several large grasshoppers and a songbird captured from the backyard, with a little butter on the side, of course. what? you don't like your meal?

i wish the cat at my office would come and sit on my lap.

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