Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

I want to have faith in something


Recommended Posts

well, i have endured a lot less than you and i am still completely fucked up. i've had counsellors out the yin yang and it's done fuck all for me. now i've been on meds for over a year and i just keep getting worse. i personally think that neither meds nor therapy will help me significantly. i do not know if they will help you. i hope so because you seem nice.

take care,

grouse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What gives?  Will therapy ever "cure" my issues?  Or is this just who I am?  I know this all sounds petty as I type it out, and I think I should just get over it...if only I knew how to just let go.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Letting go, I think this is the hardest thing to do, the hardest thing we will ever try to do, and the hardest thinng there is to do.

I don't want to sound depressing or defeatist but I don't have any easy answers or any suggestions because life just isn't easy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know what to say, I am not in the most optimistic of moods myself so I am seeing through a lens anyway. I do want to say how cool I think you are and that you still manage to be so kind so that is something to cling to. I hope that this is a time when the process seesm stuck and then wonderful things manifest.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I also can be very hard on myself for having emotional difficulties after traumatic childhood experiences. I think we both need to be kinder to ourselves.

My feeling on MI is that it is caused by a combination of biology and environment. In other words, your body may be "sensitive" to some environmental factors such as your parents' splitting up and your mom's need for care. That doesn't make you weak or bad in any way. It's just your make-up. The good thing about some MI is that you can positively affect your symptoms with your thoughts. It's good that you have done some CBT and are able to catch your signs of depression.

I'm 35 and have also done several therapies over time. I find that sometimes I am more prone to depression or anxiety for unknown reasons. If I encounter  environmental stressors at these times my emotions can get pretty intense. I've also found that in the past 10 years, as I get older, my family issues don't cause as much emotional stress as other things in my life. I hope this doesn't make you feel worse...I just have come to see that, for me, these are chronic illnesses that can be pushed into remission with cognitive work and an extra push from meds. Sometimes the chronic nature bothers me, but I know it is better if I ease up on these thoughts, try to be more accepting of who I am, and start working on things that make me feel better.

That said, I have found interpersonal and psychodynamic therapies very challenging. It's hard to keep thinking about negative aspects of family without feeling shitty. I think I gained some understanding from these, but I much prefer to think and act in the present and that's why I like CBT and feel it works well.

Talk to your therapist about what you feel and hang in there.

--Weasel

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know exactly what you mean about regressing when you're around family. I come from a very abusive family. My father beat my mother just about on a daily basis and made me watch most of the time. He's a drunk too. At 6 he thought I should know how babies were made and made me and my sisters watch. He's a sick man and did very sick things to all of us. Anyway......as an adult we are not very close. He lives in a different state but would just show up every now and then to visit. Just knowing he was in the same state as me makes me a nervous wreck. I feel sick and I freak out. When I see him it's like I instantly become the terrified little 6 year old girl that I use to be. All the work in therapy goes right out the window. I don't say stick up for myself or tell him what I really want to tell him. The last time he came I was nervously waiting for his arrival and it's like a something hit me over the head because I thought to myself...he's not making me feel like that 6 year old, I am doing it to myself. I'm an adult and he can't do anything to me anymore. I'm in control now. If he don't like my new "skills" I learned in therapy then don't come around. So when I saw him it was a totally different experience. I took my power back, set clear boundries and he didn't like it. He actually called me selfish! We no longer speak because he didn't like the new me. It took my whole family some time to get use to the new me, even my husband. At one point no one was speaking to me except my mom. All of them tested me and sometimes still do but I like myself so much better now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's kind of like the person released from prison. Doesn't stand much of a chance of re-offending if he goes back to the same environment.

I think DJ is right. But it's really hard.

You're lucky in a way, TheMind - (TM ?) - because you're young and have already had a lot of time in therapy. My problem, and maybe yours a little, is that "understanding" on an intellectual level doesn't really help me. I can see, but I can't "feel" it. I need something that will evoke the emotions that keep screwing me up and then find a way to de-condition those responses.

Problem for me is that I buried them for so long. Like you, I have this major fear of abandonment but I can't even figure out why. I don't have any traumatic events like yours.

I don't know much about the kind of therapies you've gone through, but I would say that if you can afford it, keep going til you think you've got things licked. You may need to investigate other forms of therapy. You've probably learned a lot from what you've done, but maybe a different direction will add just the component you need.

Don't stop. 'cause you don't want to end up old and still paralyzed by those thoughts.

My thoughts.

Steve

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But it is becoming more and more appearant, that the mind is a very complex thing which hides and guards against revealing its own inner workings to itself.  So how do you really release the past if your unconscious is still in defense mode?

Keep talking?  Or am I just a sensitive person who gets neurotic under stress?  It's a toss up.  I'm just going to keep going to therapy...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

TM,

I think you have good insight. Trust your instincts, and best of luck with any type, if any, of therapy you choose to pursue.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The last time he came I was nervously waiting for his arrival and it's like a something hit me over the head because I thought to myself...he's not making me feel like that 6 year old, I am doing it to myself. I'm an adult and he can't do anything to me anymore. I'm in control now.
Does anyone remember the movie "Labyrinth"? With David Bowie? If you do, at the end, Jennifer Connelly's character, whom David Bowie has held in his sway throughout the film, struggles to remember the words to break the spell he has on her..."you...have...no...power...over...me..." She has this look of recognition, met with his look of total despair...the jig is up, his carefully crafted illusion falls apart, and she has her life back.

I think of that scene over, and over, and over again as I move through life, dealing with the people who are  ;) for me. Perps, family, evildoers.

It's a process, not an event. At least for me it is. I'm 45, maybe I'm a slow learner. I try not to attach time to the process of my soul's growth and learning. I just don't think we can measure it. One if infinite one is finite.

And, not to be condescending AT ALL to those of you younger than me, but it take time, and experience with life--no matter how smart we are. Sometime the smarter we are, the harder it is. Often times. Because there is that tendency to psychoanalyze ourselves...ack!

I know in my case, my 20s were drug addled, period. I had no clue. My 30s were angsty because I started getting a clue, now, mid-40, I have all kind of clues. Knowing what the fuck they point toward or whatever is what baffles me these days.

I don't know if that made a lick of sense. It made my head hurt writing it. I better stick to the game threads... :) Suze

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...