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I mean, I don't feel good about it.

But I feel even worse about the idea of giving up on someone. And not just for my own sake, but I feel like that's a really horrible thing to do. It's happened to me a lot and it always hurts. Like, "usually leads to a suicide attempt in short order" hurts. Actually, every suicide attempt I have ever made has had that as a trigger! Haha, how cool. (Though there were often other triggers.)

But I also know I'm just a horrible person in general and, let's be honest, I don't deserve anyone. So it's not hard to imagine someone genuinely just wanting rid of me, telling me to leave them alone and meaning it 100%. But I'm afraid of that happening and them not really meaning it, because I know I've done that before. I know that happens. I know people regret saying things, doing things like that all the time, and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I made the wrong call there.

But I'm starting to go into literally stalking someone for the second time and that's probably wrong, right? That's probably the wrong move, right? That's probably really bad and something I shouldn't ever do, right?

So I don't know what to do.

I think I'm going to end up making a mistake either way. I feel like I'm making a mistake no matter what path I choose.

So what am I supposed to do? Does anyone here have any advice?

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Part of Interpersonal Effectiveness is to "end hopeless relationships."  This is a skill that can be learned through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, although I'm sure you could do it without being in a

The moderating team has decided that this thread has been ongoing long enough and is only about your circumstance personally. Therefore would be best continued in a blog.  

Somewhat similarly, one of the benefits of being on a site with a relatively diverse set of people is that even if one person or many people may not be comfortable at any given point with helping out

Stalking is not only wrong, it's illegal. When someone tells you to leave them alone, they usually do mean it. If they don't then the ball is in their court to come back. Don't read "I don't mean this" into "leave me alone." That's dangerous and can get you in a lot of trouble.

At some point you just gotta give up on a relationship. That point comes before you start stalking someone. It's tough as nails, but it's the truth.

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i gave up on someone who said they didn't care about me at all... they could never care about me, or anyone else, at all, and then i just disappeared

and when i came back apparently they had lots of scars related to me leaving

and every time i express any positive interest in anyone else they distance themselves from me but insist no, they're absolutely not jealous, it's just totally a coincidence that they often happen to come back the moment i start to express negative sentiment toward the other person (again)

do people really usually mean it

are you sure

because everything i've experienced in life seems to suggest the opposite

that the last thing anyone really wants is to be left alone

with nothing but themselves and their demons

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People usually do mean it. If they don't and they end up bad off because of it, well, it's on them for lying. You cannot endanger yourself by stalking someone, and you can't make someone take something back either.

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i don't care to be taken back

i'd rather just die and get it over with

but i'm afraid of hurting anyone

the way i've been hurt, and watched others be hurt

so many times

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If the other person lied and they get hurt, it's their own fault. You're not in any way responsible for that.  However, you have got to protect yourself. That means you stay away when someone asks you to.

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I'm curious if you have any sort of care or support? The type of loneliness and needing others that can cause stalking is treatable, and you can learn other ways to manage the need to be so close to them that it ends up pushing people away.

It doesn't have to be this hard.

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I have been willing to sacrifice myself for their sake from the beginning...

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3 minutes ago, WinterRosie said:

It doesn't have to be this hard.

if it isn't this hard that means i don't care

and if i don't care that means whatever goes wrong is my fault

because

i should have done something

and i don't care enough to

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Have you ever thought about seeking any form of treatment so that you don't feel the need to sacrifice yourself for others? I imagine that being so self-sacrificial can feel really unpleasant at times.

Not everything is your fault. Sometimes things just happen because somebody else did something that either influenced your action, or cancelled your action out, or - sometimes you weren't even involved! For instance, we are having a massive fire in my country; I highly doubt that it's your fault.

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Just now, WinterRosie said:

Have you ever thought about seeking any form of treatment so that you don't feel the need to sacrifice yourself for others? I imagine that being so self-sacrificial can feel really unpleasant at times.

such treatment would make me a bad person, or an even worse one than i already am

i'm sure it would

so i won't let it happen

i'd prefer to be dead than to be the kind of person who can hurt others and take no responsibility for it

i wouldn't be surprised if the fire were my fault

it sounds like something i'd do to express my pain and make people know i'm not okay

i wouldn't be surprised if i had somehow manipulated events to make that happen

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No one is saying that you're not responsible for your actions. In fact, therapy encourages us to take responsibility for our actions. What it does is help us distinguish between where our fault lies, and where others' fault lies.

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1 minute ago, WinterRosie said:

No one is saying that you're not responsible for your actions. In fact, therapy encourages us to take responsibility for our actions. What it does is help us distinguish between where our fault lies, and where others' fault lies.

"But you know that there is no innocent one in this game for two."

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If a girl says she dont like you that way anymore, say, you're just a friend, in my experience: better believe them. I repeat: you better believe them, cos they really mean it. So stalking is not the answear my friend, definately not. And its illigal as well : )) As for you and how you should feel about this is ofcourse it sucks bigtime, but as all great love stories,  for me they have all eventually faded and with time everything heals and gets mutch better. No worries youll get there.  

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2 minutes ago, Beemray said:

If a girl says she dont like you that way anymore, say, you're just a friend, in my experience: better believe them. I repeat: you better believe them, cos they really mean it. So stalking is not the answear my friend, definately not. And its illigal as well : )) As for you and how you should feel about this is ofcourse it sucks bigtime, but as all great love stories,  for me they have all eventually faded and with time everything heals and gets mutch better. No worries youll get there.  

"Then the time for being sad is over, and you miss 'em like you miss no other, and being blue is better than being over it (over it)"

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7 minutes ago, Yuyu said:

"But you know that there is no innocent one in this game for two."

Does that mean that you have to engage in illegal acts where you already know the outcome? No. You can learn to change your responses to be more healthy.

Why start a thread looking for support if all you want to do is argue about how you're entirely in the right?

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i'm not in the right

but i don't want to be wrong and not care

i'm afraid i'm wrong but you're wrong too, and i at least care about being wrong this way

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I have to be honest, I do the same thing. It's not nice to stalk anyways. If it's considering love issue then try to not think about it. I despise love and I hate it to the extreme because it's not a good feeling anyway.

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32 minutes ago, WinterRosie said:

Does that mean that you have to engage in illegal acts where you already know the outcome? No. You can learn to change your responses to be more healthy.

Why start a thread looking for support if all you want to do is argue about how you're entirely in the right?

if i cared less about others' feelings i think i would probably just go ahead and stalk without hesitation

it's because i don't want to do anything wrong that i'm struggling

if i erased or blunted the part of me who feels responsible for others' well-being there would be nothing to stop me, nothing to make me reconsider

i'd be able to just hurt people and keep going

how can you all teach that not caring is a good thing

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Not caring is not a good thing. But what is caring? Does it mean that you stalk someone on the off-chance that they didn't mean it when they told you to leave them alone? I don't think so. I think it is making yourself rather self-important to think that way.

The game of love is not for the weak. Sooner or later you are going to get your heart broken and sooner or later you are going to break someone's heart. Everyone learns that early on or they have been very lucky. But even knowing that we can be hurt, we still play the game. What I'm trying to say is that everyone assumes some risk of having their heart broken. You can't protect everyone from being hurt or from hurting themselves.

You seem to be arguing two diametrically opposite things. On the one hand you say what if they didn't mean it when they told you to leave them alone and so because you care, you must stalk them to ensure they don't get hurt. On the other hand, you are saying you are only stopped from stalking them because you care for them. Which is it?

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