Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org




Recommended Posts

7 minutes ago, jt07 said:

You seem to be arguing two diametrically opposite things. On the one hand you say what if they didn't mean it when they told you to leave them alone and so because you care, you must stalk them to ensure they don't get hurt. On the other hand, you are saying you are only stopped from stalking them because you care for them. Which is it?

Reality is filled with contradictions. The answer is both. That's why I made this thread in the first place.

When I tried to leave them they got incredibly upset, and now when I refuse to leave them they tell me it's annoying and bad, even creepy. And they continue to do that. They continue to say things like "Oh, yeah, I never want that to happen, that would make us way too uncomfortably close" and then seem really hurt when I respond "Oh, I guess I won't do that then". They continue to say "I want you to stay and the fact you're still here makes me happy" and then immediately stop talking to me altogether the next morning.

They once even said they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me and loved me very, very much and then promptly tossed their phone aside and left home without any warning, any goodbye, any way to reach them, and didn't come back until the next day. And by promptly I mean they were out the door within a few minutes.

The message is coming through pretty clear. Leaving is wrong, staying is wrong. We shouldn't do either.

So what should I do?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 132
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Part of Interpersonal Effectiveness is to "end hopeless relationships."  This is a skill that can be learned through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, although I'm sure you could do it without being in a

The moderating team has decided that this thread has been ongoing long enough and is only about your circumstance personally. Therefore would be best continued in a blog.  

Somewhat similarly, one of the benefits of being on a site with a relatively diverse set of people is that even if one person or many people may not be comfortable at any given point with helping out

48 minutes ago, Yuyu said:

if i cared less about others' feelings i think i would probably just go ahead and stalk without hesitation

it's because i don't want to do anything wrong that i'm struggling

if i erased or blunted the part of me who feels responsible for others' well-being there would be nothing to stop me, nothing to make me reconsider

i'd be able to just hurt people and keep going

how can you all teach that not caring is a good thing

It isn't easy to stop caring or to be emotionally cold/blunt. It requires continuous exposure to rejection, hurt and all kind of abuse I guess. This will turn you to a cold monster that doesn't regret a thing but I don't think you want that. With stalking or not they'll be fine so don't waste your time and do something else.

Edit: not caring is good because it's anxiety free and stress free

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Unknown Dude said:

It isn't easy to stop caring or to be emotionally cold/blunt. It requires continuous exposure to rejection, hurt and all kind of abuse I guess. This will turn you to a cold monster that doesn't regret a thing but I don't think you want that.

I already am that. I am that with literally everyone, except total strangers and her. Being that has gotten me permanently banned from MI support sites, because if I got close enough to anyone to consider them my friend I would immediately turn verbally abusive, even on public parts of the site.

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Yuyu said:

I already am that. I am that with literally everyone, except total strangers and her. Being that has gotten me permanently banned from MI support sites, because if I got close enough to anyone to consider them my friend I would immediately turn verbally abusive, even on public parts of the site.

I thought you were a girl at first(profile info), anyway. Trust me dude, nothing's worth stalking or caring. If she doesn't want you then let it be, she's the loser and you're the winner. Maybe she's a noisy person or a rude one, you never know. Go do something useful, read a book, workout, make friends, hangout with your friends, play a game or watch a movie etc. Getting attached to people suck. I'd rather get attached to my wristwatch. I hope this delivered my point without hurting your feelings.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I am a girl. What makes you think otherwise?

And I really don't have anything to say about the rest. I don't want friends, I'm too tired to focus on the words on a page, I don't really enjoy games, and I do watch movies occasionally but they don't accomplish much but passing the time. Besides, most of the stuff I like is stuff she also likes, so I just end up being reminded of her most of the time, which isn't exactly helpful.

Link to post
Share on other sites
16 minutes ago, Yuyu said:

and her.

This made me think that you were a guy, I was mistaken. Work on yourself. I don't like people but life forces me to make friends. Do anything that you enjoy without thinking of her, I know it's hard at least try. If you tried then try again, over and over. Let me ask you a question with no intention of offense. What's more than rejection to make you realize that she's not worth it?. That she doesn't want you?.

Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, jt07 said:

If that's the case they sound like they are playing a cruel game with you, and I would leave.

I'm sick of abandoning people. I'm sick of discarding people literally every time they do anything I don't like, anything which isn't tailored specifically to my needs, all without giving a thought to what they need. I'm sick of convincing myself everyone is lying when they say positive things to me and that the truth is finally coming out when they say negative ones.

I'm sick of having conversations like:

  • "I want to help you." "Then why aren't you doing more to help?"
  • "I'm sorry." "If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place."
  • "I was worried about you, I care about you." "You didn't do X when I needed or wanted you to, so obviously you don't care."

I'm sick of everything being self-pity and mistrust with me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, Unknown Dude said:

What's more than rejection to make you realize that she's not worth it?. That she doesn't want you?.

She is worth it. She is worth a lot more than what I've been able to do.

And rejection doesn't mean much when it follows hot on the heels of her sending me this song.

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Yuyu said:

She is worth it. She is worth a lot more than what I've been able to do.

And rejection doesn't mean much when it follows hot on the heels of her sending me this song.

Nice song, back to the topic. If you want to keep yourself attached to her then fine, it's your choice. But stalking will never change anything, in fact it might get stuff worse. If she wants you then she'll let you know, right?. Use your logic. She "wants to get rid of you and she means it 100%" then she sends you a song saying that she wants you, really?.

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Unknown Dude said:

If she wants you then she'll let you know, right?

The same way I spent a few weeks being absolutely horrible to my best friend, who had expressed romantic interest in me, because I was jealous over her having a female flatmate she also seemed to like? And the entire time just pulled out every little flaw about her I could think of and told her "this, this, and this are why I'm not interested" when actually I was just really jealous.

I never told her. I never told her what was going on there. I just let her go once she couldn't deal with me any longer. I just let her go and sobbed over how horrible I was.

And stole a chocolate bar she was saving for later just to be petty about it.

Is that the kind of "let you know" you mean?

Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Yuyu said:

The same way I spent a few weeks being absolutely horrible to my best friend, who had expressed romantic interest in me, because I was jealous over her having a female flatmate she also seemed to like? And the entire time just pulled out every little flaw about her I could think of and told her "this, this, and this are why I'm not interested" when actually I was just really jealous.

I never told her. I never told her what was going on there. I just let her go once she couldn't deal with me any longer. I just let her go and sobbed over how horrible I was.

And stole a chocolate bar she was saving for later just to be petty about it.

Is that the kind of "let you know" you mean?

I read your comment more than once and didn't understand anything to be honest. Be more specific please.

Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, Unknown Dude said:

I read your comment more than once and didn't understand anything to be honest. Be more specific please.

People don't always show their feelings, especially not directly.

Link to post
Share on other sites
48 minutes ago, Yuyu said:

The same way I spent a few weeks being absolutely horrible to my best friend, who had expressed romantic interest in me, because I was jealous over her having a female flatmate she also seemed to like? And the entire time just pulled out every little flaw about her I could think of and told her "this, this, and this are why I'm not interested" when actually I was just really jealous.

I never told her. I never told her what was going on there. I just let her go once she couldn't deal with me any longer. I just let her go and sobbed over how horrible I was.

And stole a chocolate bar she was saving for later just to be petty about it.

Is that the kind of "let you know" you mean?

Another contradiction. Don't give me the "life is full of contradictions" line again because life isn't and you are creating the contradictions.

I don't know what treatment you are getting, but I think you need to do a lot of work in therapy on what is and is not a healthy relationship before you get into any more of them. No, feelings aren't always directly expressed, but they usually are not as subtle as you are making them out to be.

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, jt07 said:

Another contradiction. Don't give me the "life is full of contradictions" line again because life isn't and you are creating the contradictions.

I don't know what treatment you are getting, but I think you need to do a lot of work in therapy on what is and is not a healthy relationship before you get into any more of them. No, feelings aren't always directly expressed, but they usually are not as subtle as you are making them out to be.

Is it that unusual for someone to know something is wrong and do it anyway, then feel bad after? I thought that was just part of the human condition.

I'm not getting any treatment right now because I can't get an appointment for any time soon. I'm not sure why you thought "healthy relationship" when I said "stalker" though.

And lol, I don't want any relationships anyway.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you don't want any relationships why did you start this thread and why are you talking about stalking? Just walk away and be done with it. Problem solved.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, jt07 said:

If you don't want any relationships why did you start this thread and why are you talking about stalking? Just walk away and be done with it. Problem solved.

I already explained that. I don't want to abandon anyone. I don't want to leave anyone behind.

I've always done that. I've always pushed people until they just can't handle it anymore and then left as if it was their fault.

I'm tired of cutting people off when they didn't do anything wrong. I'm tired of making people feel like they have no choice but to give up on me when they really, really don't want to give up but just can't see any other way, anything more they can do. I hate that most of all. I hate the feeling of "there's nothing I can do" most of all. And I don't want anyone to be stuck with that feeling because of me.

I don't want to see someone again after months and hear them say "Losing you is one of my greatest regrets, but I'm too scared it'll turn out like last time to take another chance." And that's already happened too many times.

Link to post
Share on other sites

And I'm going back and say that if she gets hurt, it's her own fault for telling you to leave her alone. You bear no responsibility in that. 

I do encourage you to see a therapist even if it takes a while to get an appointment. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, jt07 said:

And I'm going back and say that if she gets hurt, it's her own fault for telling you to leave her alone. You bear no responsibility in that. 

I do encourage you to see a therapist even if it takes a while to get an appointment. 

That would mean that nearly everything that has ever gone wrong in my life is my fault and no one else's responsibility too.

Even if that is true, it's a fact that I still need help and instead of asking for it I usually just push people away. It's still true that if someone says something off to me there's a good chance I'll slam the door on them immediately. And it's still true that I wish there would be someone who wouldn't just give up on me because I'm that difficult.

I'm not prepared to watch someone who is hurt and scared and just leave them behind because they're not doing what I want.

I am thinking of trying to get a therapist again. I've been looking a little. The main problem is that my old one apparently is usually booked almost two months out, and "once every two months" really doesn't sound very useful. Not that therapy has ever been very useful for me to begin with.

Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, jt07 said:

I do encourage you to see a therapist even if it takes a while to get an appointment. 

^^ Completely agree. 

FWIW ...

I have had a stalker before and it is scary as all can be.  Idk where this guy is now.  I had known what he looked like because of the kind of car he drove.  And he even later moved down the road in the condo building next to me.  I haven't seen his car for awhile, so for all I know right now, he either moved or bought a new car ... so I really have no clue where he is now. 

We "met" because I would go walking in the morning, and right when I would walk by the place where he originally lived, he immediately was at his car and driving past me.  This gave me the impression that he lived in one of the Condos that had a window where he could see me walking down the road, so he could basically be at his car within seconds.  I had to start walking at different times, worry about if I'd ever run into him again, etc.  He even parked in my building's parking lot, to see me, when I got home from my walk.  When I saw him that day it really scared me. 

So FF to today.  Idk where he is now, if he shaved his beard and mustache off, etc.  Even though I don't go out much anymore, I still watch my back. 

From a personal standpoint, just saying that is it really scary to feel like someone is constantly watching you when outside (or however they do it).

So with above posts, I agree that you should not stalk people.  And to see a therapist to help you sort your thoughts out.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...