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And for that, I feel deeply sorry.

Edited by Lexie
honestly i don't think my feelings have been this completely erratic since... like, ever. i'm not even sure how my brain is managing to function with my amygdalae overclocked this much.

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4 minutes ago, Southern Discomfort said:

Why would I be offended that you exist?

Spend a few weeks around me and you'll figure it out sooner or later...

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53 minutes ago, Lexie said:

Spend a few weeks around me and you'll figure it out sooner or later...

Spend a few weeks around anyone might annoy you. 

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Just now, Southern Discomfort said:

Spend a few weeks around anyone might annoy you. 

Usually not to the point you refuse to ever speak to them again and beg them to leave you alone when they suddenly show up unexpectedly one day.

Which has happened to me twice. Lol.

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Well I have Asperger's so too much with anyone and I'll be begging them to leave me alone for a while. What's your condition then? Borderline? Regular depression?

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31 minutes ago, Southern Discomfort said:

Well I have Asperger's so too much with anyone and I'll be begging them to leave me alone for a while. What's your condition then? Borderline? Regular depression?

Borderline.

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Well unlike neurological conditions, personality disorders can be changed over time, you have the power within you to change yourself although it may be very hard. If I had to think of something to do to change myself like this I'd try timing myself just how long I can stay by myself and try to improve on that each time, eventually you might find yourself more comfortable being on your own. I don't know if that suggestion helps, it might be worth a try.

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Lexie, if nothing else, the world would be much duller without you in it. I hope you get what you need and feel better.

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5 hours ago, Gearhead said:

Lexie, if nothing else, the world would be much duller without you in it. I hope you get what you need and feel better.

That's, um... Well. I have been told I'm "interesting" as some sort of double-edged compliment enough times to be used to it, I guess.

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It isn't a double-edged compliment in this case. I genuinely think that the world would lose something without you.

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4 minutes ago, Gearhead said:

It isn't a double-edged compliment in this case. I genuinely think that the world would lose something without you.

I don't mean backhanded, I mean double-edged.

It's meant as a compliment, but the 'positive' quality it is asserting also has or implies considerable drawbacks.

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i wanted to just kill myself

i wanted to just kill myself and get it over with

i honestly don't know if it would have stuck

i sort of suspect there was some sort of gaming of the system, some bending of the rules of the many worlds interpretation, to ensure my survival after previous attempts

if it was willfully done by some conscious intelligence, it was probably my own, sitting back there, refusing to really die

that's what people are trying to tell me when they say clearly i don't really want to die

my methods were fine, the only thing that kept me alive was some sort of twisted desire to live

to live on and

i can't think

my head is going blank again

i'm sorry

i'm sorry for embracing the darkness within me

just to protect myself

ETA: once again...

Edited by Lexie

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Well sharing how you feel is a good thing, helps us cope and carry on. It takes a lot of effort sometimes just to be okay, it's so easy just to give into those negative thoughts, I think the majority of us do it,

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